Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Why do men do THIS- need to vent!!

(34 Posts)
littlestmummystop Wed 05-Aug-09 20:40:42

Met a guy online about six weeks ago, tall, dark, v scrummy and a perfect gentleman.

We go on, oooh about six dates, he introduces me to his friends, he stays at mine 3x ( we didn't quite get the deed done but came close...)

So far so good.

We had a right laugh together. He texts me most days. He drops hints about coming to visit more often ( notes nearby train stations etc. )

Then, he goes away for a week, but doesn't arrange to meet just before he goes. . .I find this weird and ask him: 'Do you want to see me again?' Yes he says does, I am 'great' apparently and he will drop me a line when he gets back. Then no text, no calls, zip for seven days. hmm

I wait. Text him on his return. "hey good holiday? What's going on?' type thing. . And nothing. Not a peep. I don't even know if he's okay.

Why the feck can't men just say: 'I am not interested, sorry. . . ' angry

This has happened to several of my girlfriends and seems so, well, immature. I've done it plenty of times- simple text: 'sorry don't want to take things further, goodbye and take care. . .'

Obv he has decided he doesn't want to take things further, but I really liked the guy and have been looking forward to his return etc. Can't believe he's actually just going to 'leave it' and not even say it !!!

PussinJimmyChoos Wed 05-Aug-09 20:42:48

You need to watch the film 'hes just not that into you'

Men are wimps who can't be upfront! Pah!

Niftyblue Wed 05-Aug-09 20:44:59

He is wanker Muppet angry

TheProvincialLady Wed 05-Aug-09 20:45:50

My male friend is experiencing just the same thing from women. Perhaps I could put you in touch with him, he's lovelygrin

Overmydeadbody Wed 05-Aug-09 20:46:21

Sometimes after a few dates if I'm not that into a man I will just cease all communication and ignore texts. It's easier <<shrugs>>

The trick is not to have any expectations and not to live in the future, just enjoy the moment. Then you won't be disappointed by this sort of behaviour.

bruxeur Wed 05-Aug-09 20:46:29

6 dates
3 stayovers
0 sex

Probably looking for a better return on his time.

wheniwishuponastar Wed 05-Aug-09 21:09:04

when a guy did this to me (years ago) i phoned and demanded an explanation. i think he was taken aback that i was brave enough to do it, he thought i was just going to meekly wait for him to ring (wrong!). and i was satisfied that i knew what was going on so i could move on!

TheProfiteroleThief Wed 05-Aug-09 21:11:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker Wed 05-Aug-09 21:23:30

bruxeur, do you seriously think the way to "bag" a man is to put out immediately then ?

littlestmummystop Wed 05-Aug-09 22:25:34

PJC- I even said in that last phone call before holiday: 'I thought you might 'just not be that into me' grin and he said I quote: 'I think you are great. . '

Bruxuer: 6 dates. . yeah we agreed 'no sex' to first two stay overs, second it was period, but yes. . . I wanted to bide my time and get to know him better. Jolly glad I did now.

When I've changed my mind or decided 'no' to a date, I have done this soo many times, I just simply send a text quickly, put them out of their misery. But obv not happening for me. angry

I am very tempted to ring up and demand an explanation, no-one should be allowed to get away with it. It's quite disrespectful.

But, at the end of the day, his loss ( I tell myself )

He had a VERY small willy anyway ( like seriously worryingly small), so should just concentrate on that. grin

Pan Wed 05-Aug-09 22:34:20

ah. I see. You giggled at his willy, or noted it with a look of concern.

And he hasn't seen you since??

FlightHattendant Wed 05-Aug-09 22:44:28

Oh dear sad
I feel for you.

Very confusing. And sad. Chin up chook.

AnyFucker Thu 06-Aug-09 07:17:30

err Pan, I think that OP was into him originally so the "small willy" comment is just an attempt to rationalise her disappointment

men and their tackle, eh ?

CarmenSanDiego Thu 06-Aug-09 07:24:29

I met this guy in America many, many years ago. We hit it off and had a great time for a few weeks. I thought it might get serious. After I flew home, he said something about a 'great flood', changed his email address and phone number and disappeared off the face of the planet.

I found out recently that he'd been seeing another woman who he since married.

Men are so, so annoying sometimes.

And no, I don't THINK I'm a weird bunny boiling stalker...

SirPan Thu 06-Aug-09 11:26:31

interesting. As the Relationships section is regualarly spiced with female posters in a quandary about what to do with new men - showing ambivalences etc, which I am pretty sure they don't share with the new beau. Not that these is anything wrong with that. It just isn't a gender-specific thing at all.

carmen - with respect, U.S. bloke hadn't made any noises of 'commitment', or things getting serious did he??

Domokun Thu 06-Aug-09 11:45:41

Both genders do this. People are people, after all. Doesn't stop it being annoying and a bit pathetic, of course.

NancysGarden Thu 06-Aug-09 11:51:15

good to focus on short-comings if you are trying to steer your mind away from an unsuitable person, no?

RGPargy Thu 06-Aug-09 12:30:38

I reckon he was crap in bed and bailed out before you did the deed and you found out how rubbish he was. That's my theory and i'm sticking to it!

hercules1 Thu 06-Aug-09 12:33:21

bruexer grin

CarmenSanDiego Thu 06-Aug-09 15:44:11

SirPan, yeah, he had. But I was young and made the mistake of believing him!

But not really the point... why not just say, "You know what, this isn't really working" rather than tell a massive and weird pack of lies then spend great pains 'disappearing'

Maybe I was effectively the OW and he was terrified I'd tell her if I found out. A bit pathetic either way.

Liking RGPargy's theory for the OP

Sheeta Thu 06-Aug-09 15:47:39

I agree with RGPargy.

RGPargy Thu 06-Aug-09 16:22:36

The simple answers are always the right ones!! 8)

Incidentally, i once had a couple of "dates" with this bloke who i thought i quite liked. We had a glass of wine or two one night then decided to lay down on the bed (yes really!). Anyway, we ended having a little fumble and when i went to touch his man(?)hood he said "sorry but there's not much there". Boy he wasn't lieing!!! It was the smallest willy i've ever felt!! Needless to say thankfully things didn't go any further other than me saying "oh right" and leaving it there lol. blush So to cut a long story short, i never saw or heard from him again after that, which is why i can fully justify my "crap in bed" theory.

BrokenFlipFlop Thu 06-Aug-09 19:38:55


Was his name David??

RGPargy Thu 06-Aug-09 21:35:55

lol no!

Dior Thu 06-Aug-09 21:42:29

I would probably do the avoiding thing too blush. I am a coward. Easier to dump now though - when I was dating, no-one had mobile phones grin. I would at the very least text to say it wasn't working.

I think he met someone on holiday sad.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: