I need some help and can't see the wood for the trees at the moment.
My husband and I have been going through a tough patch. I am quite depressed at the moment, very teary and I don't know why, lack of motivation, explosive temper, very controlling about my environment etc. During these down times I have thoughts where I think I'd be better off not being here, and an urge to cut myself. These bad days are interspersed about equally with good days where I am okay, and manage to stay on top of how I feel. During the bad days I sometimes say really horrible things, like I don't want to be married, and want to live alone etc. On the good days when I am rational, I stress to my husband that I really, really don't mean those things and I love him and my family very much and would be devestated to lose them and never actually want to be on my own. I ask him to please not take any notice of me. To be fair to him he is so supportive and tries to do anything he can to help.
This year has been quite tough for us for reasons that wouldn't allow me to remain anonymous if I said them here.
Today was a bad day. I have been very down, and teary. My husband went out this afternoon and I went on his computer and discovered that he had set up a secret email address and subscribed to three seperate, expensive, adult dating sites. He has been honest on his profiles and said he is a 47 year old man with children, married, and looking for discreet fun.
I confronted him and basically he has said he was lonely, and bored and just did it for a bit of excitement. He said I have changed (I admit I have) and that he was an idiot but he is very sorry, he never met anyone IRL, and had no intentions of doing so.
I have made him leave. I always told him that if our marriage didn't have trust, we have nothing. I know I will never forgive him. He doesn't think he has done anything too bad, but to me it's as bad as having an affair. He says it's nothing more than harmless flirting and that it just became a bit of an obsession and he regrets it and loves me.
What do I do? I never, ever thought he would do something like this. Am I blowing it all out of proportion? I feel like it is my fault to be honest. I have been neglecting him, and have been mean at times, and not as affectinate as he would like.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Help me gain some perspective
normalserviceresumes · 04/08/2009 22:23
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