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what is the 'split' re housework in your family please?

(56 Posts)
sleeplessinstretford Tue 04-Aug-09 14:40:04

I am sahm,i get up every day first and make packed lunches for all and see my dd1 out the door to school.DH has breakfast with the baby and goes to work.
i do all the day childcare,meal planning,shopping for food,washing (but not ironing and putting away clothes as he does that) i do'organising' ie sort money/insurance/bills/clothing the kids etc also i take both kids out at least 3times a month (so he gets a free day/afternoon at weekend even if i just go to my mums with them)
DP does evening meal and washing up i would say 5 out of 7 evenings,he also washes up and then does bath and bed for the baby (i do stories and her hair) at weekend we split cooking and do 'big house clean' ie floors etc.
someone on another thread asked why i am acting as his pa. i reckon i get a good deal-how does it work for you lot? just interested (given he works full time and i erm am at home with the baby)

bodiddly Tue 04-Aug-09 14:44:37

I do a lot of that and work full time though I do kick dp into action whenever possible. He does the dishwasher, cats, diy etc but nowhere near the same as I do!

throckenholt Tue 04-Aug-09 14:46:41

sounds like a fair division to me - and if you are both happy with it, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks

shootfromthehip Tue 04-Aug-09 14:46:50

My husband (under duress) will do the washing up (leaves it to the morning though- yuck) and will put the bins out once a week (if he remembers). That is literally it.

Actually, he does do most of the bills (most are on direct debit though).

At the weekend he will do stuff with the kids giving me some 'time off' with which I do the rest of the cleaning that I've not managed to do during the week/ tha has been freshly created.

I do EVERYTHING else, cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing, organising etc, etc, etc. You've touched a nerve here with me. angry

mustrunmore Tue 04-Aug-09 14:47:29

All general cleaning =me
Panic cleaning before a parent or inlaw comes =dh

Kids stuff =me
My stuff = me
Dh food =dh, cos he's so fussy

Lawn=dh
Organising=me
Paying bills=me
Shopping=me

CantThinkofFunnyName Tue 04-Aug-09 14:51:50

Sleepless - I agree with you, I think you have a good deal. But in any event, you are both content with the split so what does it matter what anyone else thinks? FWIW I've only just become a SAHM and before that was a full time working mum (for YEARS). DH did all the cooking, still does all the food shopping and putting away etc (he regards the kitchen as his territory), did pretty much all of the ironing, washing etc. He is not averse to putting the hoover over, but tbh has never been a "cleaner". I get those jobs. Now I'm a SAHM my belief (not his) is that I am responsible for all of the household type stuff while he goes out to work. That being said, I still get stroppy if I'm doing housework and he's just sitting there - I'm allowed to aren't I because I'm pg and hormones say so!!!

Tummytuckrequired Tue 04-Aug-09 14:57:44

I work 4 days a week but basically the "house" comes down to me. Mostly because it was my fault for allowing that (we used to share the load until I went on maternity leave and then ended up doing all of it) and secondly my DH is away pretty much 2.5 weeks out of every 4 on business.

All general cleaning = me

All Washing, Ironing, putting away clothes =me

All shopping = me/occasionaly together

Kids Stuff (school, vaccination etc) = me

Paying bills = me

organising family = me (I even do his parent's birthday/mother/father day)

driving / car maintenance /tax = me

Cooking = me /occasionaly together

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Tue 04-Aug-09 15:17:25

I work 3 days, DH 4. I do sorting bills, paperwork, washing and sorting clothes, making appointments, main food shopping, cleaning bathroom. DH does bins and recycling. We share cooking and washing up fairly equally, and share general tidying and cleaning but I do more than him! I blatantly do more than him but I don't do loads so I'm ok with that. If I was working flat out it would be different but we have a nice flat that is newly refurbished so it's very easy to keep tidy and clean.

TheInvisibleManDidIt Tue 04-Aug-09 15:22:55

Work full time shifts. Dh also works full time. Slightly longer hours than I do.

I do all housework, bills, shopping, cooking, organise childcare, (although he looks after boys if I'm on a weekend or back shift). He'll occasionally load the dishwasher, and will now put a load of washing on and hang it out if I ask him to.

Boys are 7 & 9 and they have some chores of their own to do which helps.

happystory Tue 04-Aug-09 15:25:33

Dh works full time, I work part time plus am studying.

Me: washing, ironing, paperwork, cats, general tidying, school runs as necessary (not every day, kids are teenagers) arranging 'stuff' ~ dentist, garage etc, buying clothes for me and dd, kids meals if different to ours, boring supermarket shopping

Dh: Garden, DIY, most of the cooking (he loves it) 'interesting' supermarket shopping (!)washing car.

If not for the cooking, I'd say it was about the right balance given our working hours, but as I said he lurves cooking and it relaxes him.

But as throckenholt said, it's what suits you as a family

notquitenormal Tue 04-Aug-09 16:00:51

I work full time, DP part time and we have a toddler.

Childcare is 50/50 when we're both around.

For housework we each have jobs which we are wholly responsible for and I think we have a very equal split:

Cooking - him Sun-Thur, me Fri-Sat
Cleaning - I do the bathroom, hard floors dusting & clutter control. He does the toilet, carpeted floors, kitchen control.
Washing up - We use a dishwasher, he loads I unload.
Laundry - I put it on and put it away, he pegs it out and folds. He does all bedding & Towels.
DIY - he does it all
Finance - I do it all
Shopping - He does groceries & general household stuff. I do big purchases & clothing.
Gardening - I do digging, weeding & planting. He does mowing & heavy maintenance.

He didn't come to me like this. I had to teach him how to do everything. I also made it clear from the beginning that he either pitched in or pissed off. I'm quite harsh grin

rookiemater Tue 04-Aug-09 16:01:23

I work 4 days a week, DH f/t, one DS age 3.

Dh does everything to do with the garden and pretty much all of the paper work. He sometimes does shopping,car washes, takes DS to get his hair cut and occasionally will put on the dishwasher or washing machine ( which is clearly about 20% of overall effort involved in either getting clean dishes or tidied away clean clothes)

I do most of the house stuff, although we do have a cleaner 3 hours a week which is a god send, about 90% of the cooking, make all child care arrangements, feels like a bit more of the childcare as DH good at days out etc. but less keen on grind of 2x daily tooth brushing and entertaining without use of TV.

We both go out a bit, DH more than me but mainly because he has more of a social life and I'm too busy mumsnetting grin

It is busy for both of us and it feels generally ok, I just wish that DH wouldn't feel the need to tell me about every little thing he does so that I will say Thank you and well done. He doesn't seem to understand that jobs just need doing so why make a big thing out of them.

jumpyjan Tue 04-Aug-09 16:12:34

I am currently on maternity leave so its a bit different but at the moment:

cleaning/housework/clothes washing - me
loading/unloading dishwasher - shared
bathing DD/DS - DH
Shopping - DH with DD
Mealplanning - me
Finances - me
Ironing - um no-one
Cooking - mostly me

I try to do most of the housework on the day DD is at nursery so we can have the weekend free. I think its a fair split and when I go back to work DH will take on a bit more as we did before.

midnightexpress Tue 04-Aug-09 16:25:28

I'm a full-time WAHM, DP is currently out of work. He does the vast majority of the chldcare, almost all of the cooking and about half of the (not very much blush) cleaning.
I give the kitchen a once-over after dinner and unload the dishwasher in the morning, sometimes cook at weekends. We do bath and bedtime for the DCs together and take it in turns to get up first with them in the mornings.

MaybeAfterBreakfast Tue 04-Aug-09 16:29:13

Dh works full-time, long hours, long commute and travels quite a bit for work. I'm SAHM with 2 dcs.

Mon-Fri (plus and weekend days dh works) I do almost everything. Most days dh gives the dcs their beakfast whilst I take the dog for a walk. I do everything else.

Weekends it is 50:50 in terms of time, but dh will do more of the 'looking after children' side of things and the cooking. I'll do the lion's share of the cleaning, household drudgery, dull crap side of things. I have an hour or two child-free to go walking with friends. He has the same to go to (or watch on tv) rugby/cricket matches.

PlumpRumpSoggyBaps Tue 04-Aug-09 16:47:11

Washing, ironing, putting away- me

Grocery shopping, putting away, cooking-me

Cleaning, all of- me.

Emptying kitchen bin- dh

Emptying all other bins- me.

Washing-up- dh

All financial dealings- dh.

Other family stuff (organising hols/days out/presents/Xmas etc etc)- me

DH also gets up with ds2 in the mornings, changes his nappy amd gives him breakfast.

I'm a SAHM so feel that the stuff I do is what I should do, however if I'm feeling a bit stressy dh will do anything I ask him to do.

He cooks a mean curry about twice a year too.

lizziemun Tue 04-Aug-09 17:09:39

DH makes it and I do it grin.

As i'm a SAHM to 3 children and dh works long hours and when he not 'at' work he on call the rest of the time.

So i do all the cooking and cleaning while he pays the bills.

Although he will help if i ask him.

trefusis Tue 04-Aug-09 17:26:15

Message withdrawn

K999 Tue 04-Aug-09 17:42:50

Both DP and I work full-time. We have a cleaner but the rest of it we share. He cooks every night, I clear away. I sort out the washing and we both always clear away after ourselves. Its pretty much 50/50. smile

KIMItheThreadSlayer Tue 04-Aug-09 17:46:51

I am a SAHM so I do it all.
That way it is done properly grin

I work 22.5hrs a week in paid employment, DH is full time.

I look after DD at weekends, normally DH is off doing his own thing. sad

I do all the laundry and iron mine and DD's clothes. DH's clothes aren't ironed. I do all the cooking though sometimes DH will cook his own meal if I've cooked meat. He's vegi and I do try to cook mainly vegi meals.

We're about 50/50 on dishwasher and hoovering.

I clean out the rabbits, chickens, guinea pigs and walk the dog.

Nobody dusts. Sometimes DD does actually, she seems to enjoy it.

I do all the bills and food shopping as well.

K999 Tue 04-Aug-09 17:54:20

I dont think it matters if you are a SAHM/WOHM - all childcare/housework should be shared equally regardless. I'm not anyone else's skivvy and I wouldnt expect DH to do more than me.....its a TEAM effort!

Horton Tue 04-Aug-09 18:03:35

Me:

Work 18 hours a week, earn about a fifth of the money
All supermarket shopping and most clothes/house shopping
All cooking
95% of childcare when not at work
A very little tidying up (clearing space on floor of living room so you can get in there etc)
Deal with bills, household admin, finding someone to fix household stuff etc
All gardening

Him:

Works long hours (often 60 or more a week), earns most money
Pretty much all cleaning (I am rubbish at it) and most laundry
A bit of childcare - will do baths when he is home in time and takes DD to the swings or swimming at the weekend etc
Unloads dishwasher in the mornings before he goes to work

clumsymum Tue 04-Aug-09 18:04:07

Dusting, dysoning, floorwashing, windows etc etc are 80% done by cleaning lady, 20% by me.

Laundry 70% me, 30% dh, altho most ironing currently done by my child-carer, who loves doing it .

Cooking 80% DH, altho' generally I have to tell him what to cook.

DH or I load the dishwasher as needed each day, DS's job to empty it each morning.

I deal with all bills, finances, tax returns etc. I plan all meals & food shopping, altho dh will go and fetch whats on my list, if not online shopping.

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