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How can we "relight the fire"?

(10 Posts)
LottieG Tue 24-May-05 14:56:43

Hi all,

To cut a long story short, dh and I have not had sex for 18 months...

It's really getting me down, I have to admit, he just seems to have no desire. He says he still fancies me but that stress is getting to him. We co-sleep with dd, but when I have suggested moving her to her own bed he says let's wait a bit - we don't have anywhere for her to sleep and are v short of money.

well, I don't want to go on and on but how can I get dh interested in me again???

Please help, getting desperate!


NomDePlume Tue 24-May-05 15:00:17

Nice underwear

A weekend away

A weekend at home but with DD staying over with family/trusted friends

A romantic meal, wine, music, relaxed chat, slow seduction

A night out on the tiles

Sex in a new place ? Outside, or just somewhere other than bed.

New positions ?

Films/books ?

A saucy photo session ?

NomDePlume Tue 24-May-05 15:00:31

Massage ?

spykid Tue 24-May-05 15:01:01

Is dd in your bed or just in the room?

LottieG Tue 24-May-05 15:03:59

dd is with us in bed - love it apart from lack-of-sex thing

ndp - great ideas. We have nowhere dd can stay tho as we're far from home.

Have tried massage...

MoggyMummy Tue 24-May-05 15:53:19

Do you have to have sex in bed - can you get in the mood elsewhere in flat/house?

I suggest nice homecooked meal, bottle of wine and a dirty video.

haven Tue 24-May-05 16:16:45

i feel your pain, when ds whas a bit younger the stress from al the drama was just to was almost ommitted from our you talk about it...i think sometimes both may realize it is a problem but, at the time there may be no way around it.....

after you put baby to sleep...a lil earlier than norm so you both aren't exhausted...put on a movie you both have seen but really like and start to watch...lay togeter on the sofa him in back and act casual and rub the butt a know kinda casual...and give lil inconspicuous clues not to obvious though...see where it take you..sometime (unplanned) is the best...the movie will take your minds off the day and (hopefully) the rest will follow...

LottieG Wed 25-May-05 09:58:23

Thanks Haven and MM

We have talked about it, but I think it's really built up in both our minds now as OMG we have to have sex...doesn't help really.

I'm going to try your suggestions

MoggyMummy Wed 25-May-05 10:42:46

You both probably need to slow down in life a bit too.

I'll bet that you are both tired and exhausted by the end of the day and that definately isn't the right setting for an active sex life.

Just remember those days when life was carefree and childfree - it was so different then wasn't it? It is so hard to recreate that - I wish you lots of luck and I think that talking about it is a brilliant first step (do I sound patronising - if so I'm sorry I don't mean to )

janthepan Wed 25-May-05 10:59:27

We didn't have sex for ages and ages, probably + 18mnths, I just couldn't be arsed - it seemed like a huge effort, and I was so tired all the time (even though my 3 are at school and have always slept well. Incidentally why is it that once you have children you an never recapture that fab sleep again or at least it is never sustained??)
In the end I just added it to my list of things to do (dreadful I know) and after a few false starts and lots of grining and bareing it, it was fab and I now actually look forward to it, and we can both say "not tonight dear" without recriminations.
It's like Clare Raynor says "if you don't use it, you lose it"
I also think it's very normal though.

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