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Number of children

(9 Posts)
Gail72 Mon 03-Aug-09 15:22:35

Has anyone had to compromise on number of children? Have 2 beautiful children but desperate for 3rd - husband says its not a possibility but it's tearing me apart. What do I do?

MovingOutOfBlighty Mon 03-Aug-09 15:26:22

Personally, would love another dc but know that my DH doesn't want one more than I do.

For that reason I have just decided to really enjoy the two I have. I would be very worried about how he would deal with another one as our DS is a terrible sleeper and I don't think DH could cope with another bad sleeper. He also feels that we can afford 2 very well but that if we had 3 I would need to go back full time to work and as i am quite happy on 3 days a week I can accept that quite happily.

Sorry, not much help, but in similar situation and have decided to respect DH . Had he not wanted any dcs at all or only one- totally different matter

Karam Mon 03-Aug-09 15:53:17

I did the same as Blighty. I wanted 3 but DH only wanted the 2. Someone had to compromise, so it was me. I'm very happy with that decision now that I have come to terms with it and now wouldn't want a third. His reasons for not having a third were real - we really can't afford it, and my 2 girls are now so close, I couldn't imagine bringing a third child into the mix.

rosiest Tue 11-Aug-09 16:27:14

I would say think carefully. I wanted third and my dh wasn't dead against it but didn't want another one at that time. I said now or never and more or less forced him into it and it has put a strain on our marriage.

3rd child a very easy going baby and not hard but the older two have become more challenging recently.

I don't regret it and neither does dh but it is harder now. Perhaps we would have had these difficulties anyway as it's the older 2 who have become harder? who knows, just don't rush into anything

JigglyPiggy Tue 11-Aug-09 17:25:42

We are currently talking this one through. I always wanted 3 but DH is happy with just.

We went through alot TTC no.2 and DH even said he was'nt concerned if we only ever had the one DC but i was heartbroken at the thought of not having more.

I swing from one day thinking yes we have alot to look forward to now our family is complete to then feeling horror at the thought that the child bearing phase of my life is over.

Have you both spoken to your GP about this? We have seen them separately, DH to enquire about the snip and me to discuss options i.e. contraception and the overall decision.

Is it just the case that he is saying no and won't discuss it or are you both able to discuss how you individually are feeling?

JigglyPiggy Tue 11-Aug-09 17:26:37

oops that should say 'DH is happ with just 2'

warthog Tue 11-Aug-09 17:39:16

i want 2, dh wants 3. judging by how i feel, don't force him into anything. the last thing you want is for him to resent a child. awful for the child, not fair on him, or you for that matter.

becklespeckle Tue 11-Aug-09 18:00:41

After the first 2 I wanted another, DH didn't so I let him know how I felt and then totally backed off, I didn't push it with him at all. Eventually he came to me and suggested we have a third. Obviously this approach will not work with everybody but might be worth a shot?

The tables have turned on me now though and although I feel my family is complete, pregnancy is not easy for me and I have 3 healthy children, but DH wants a fourth. I have told him definitely not yet and promised that we'll speak about it again in a year and see if either of us have changed our minds. That seems to have made him happy (as I have not said no outright) and we'll see what happens.

FWIW, if DH had not changed his mind and I had only ever had 2 I would still have counted myself lucky although been a little sad about never having another.

Maria2007 Tue 11-Aug-09 19:31:13

I agree with the others, you definitely can't push him into this (not that you say you want to push him). DP & I had issues in order to have our first baby (our only child, so far). He was not keen on having children at all; I on the other hand always knew I wanted children. Gradually, with loads of discussions, he came to actually want a child & how he's really enjoying DS.

However, even though I knew I was prepared to push for one child- and perhaps I would for 2 as well- I don't think I would push for a third if my partner really truly didn't want a third child. Children- as wonderful as they are- are very hard work & put a strain on the relationship (well at least that's my experience) & you really want both partners to enter a pregnancy equally prepared for it.

I would suggest some honest, open talks about how you both feel. It's important that you both listen to each other & your reasons of wanting / not wanting a 3rd child.

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