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How do I get him to respect me again?

(8 Posts)
stella01 Sun 02-Aug-09 12:05:39

Title says it all really. Recently I've behaved in a way which I said I'd never do and know I shouldn't... needy, doormat, nagging, needing attention kind of thing! blush

DP says things are fine but his actions speak louder than words and it's clear he's lost respect for me... EG saying he will do something then not doing it, whereas previously he used to, I think he is a bit fed up with me really. I would be as well tbh.

Can I claw respect back or is it not possible?

pagwatch Sun 02-Aug-09 12:09:33

You can only win respect by earning it. So, yes you can but these things take a while.

Having said that why does he think that your recent past bad behaviour allows him to behave badly himself? Does he not have his own standards.

If you have acknowledged to him that you were behaving badly and have now stopped then surely, if he still loves you and has moved on, then this shouldn't take too long to recover from?

dittany Sun 02-Aug-09 12:20:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stella01 Sun 02-Aug-09 12:43:21

The circumstances, well other things were going on with work and family, which led to me being a bit insecure and needy lately, I know I have been annoying but I haven't been able to stop myself if that makes any sense! Those situations should be resolved now however but I just feel that he is now tolerating me, and that I have lost his respect

dittany Sun 02-Aug-09 12:54:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

duke748 Sun 02-Aug-09 13:17:55

Hey. Although I get what everyone else is saying about mutual respect etc, I also know that most people behave how they are allowed to behave.

Its the same with us ladies, if a guy is always running around after us, we eventually let him, and then even expect him to do so.

So, to get respect a bit more, you need to NOT do all the things you have talked about, ie being a doormat, nagging etc.

Maybe have a chat with him, and tell him you know you have been a bit different recently, what with everything that has been going on, maybe even a little down. But now you feel ready to go back to your normal self. And that means going back to asking for what you want, not taking rubbish etc.

With things like this I always think its good to 'fake it 'til you make it'. Ask yourself what someone who earnt respect would o, then do it. Pretty soon it will become habit and that's what you will do naturally.

Good luck!

Greyclay Sun 02-Aug-09 13:19:41

These things you are accusing yourself of, I'm willing to bet are things your H has called you. And you do not necessarily have to accept this as true. Getting respect from others also requires you to have respect for yourself. I agree with Dittany when she suggests perhaps you were seeking some help and support, only to be told you were being needy. And that's not fair either. If your H is perceiving you that way when you are going through a rough patch then that is his problem too and something you both should talk about.

Perhaps you were doing things that annoyed your H, however, it is important to move forward in an way that is emotionally mature and healthy for the relationship. For example, having a "I was feeling "this" and I needed "this" from you at that time." type of discussion. Not just trading in one set of "bad behaviour" with another. Good luck.

SolidGoldBrass Sun 02-Aug-09 13:28:59

I wonder if your H only had 'respect' for you because you were meeting his needs and putting him first, and he got the arse when you needed him to actually consider your needs for a while.

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