basically, I have a long history of meeting/going out with abusive men, steming from when I was 14, and involved with a 14 year old (he was v v possessive, manipulative & bascially would hit me if I said something he didn't like) then met XH (had a few school girl things inbeteen times thou) he turned out to be similar, well pushed me around a bit, manioulative v controlling, cheated, would spend every last penny so I havd to juggle everything all the time, racked up huge debts, then finally walked out 2 years ago (he did) - but it was the most liberating time for me - after the inital shock etc etc. It made me realise that we ha a v unhealthy and abusive relationship (something before I would never have admitted as I married for life no matter what) anyhow then a fling about 6 months after which ended with him saying 'once I knew I could never love u it had to end??!' he was v controlling. and v manipulative - to the point a friend of his & I were not allowed to talk without him being around etc. then latest DP, no intention of getting a job, lied from the start about his whole situation and I spent a lot of time thinking he was actually going to be something he wasn't. eventually I realised he wasn't and ended things. He was emotionally manipulative (tears literally every day cos he thought I was gonna walk out) etc etc.
latest DP (XP) has it would seem got over the whole thing within a month, even thou I was the love of his life, he couldn't eat or sleep without me etc etc (literally used every thing in the book) including getting his dad to ring me) anyhow I just don't understand it I really don't - still least he's moving on right??!
I'm pretty sure i've done the right thing - the day split up with him I woke up smiling for the first time in months (he'd accused me of bringing him down btw and I was the reason he was on anti depressants and he knew he didn't need them) - to be fair here, he lives at home and doesn't work & has not real friends to call his own. (is 29) I on the other hand work hvae a house study & have my son/a select small group of friends.
I don't want to get involved with any one else right now - I think it's a good idea to have some CBT and take time out for both my son & I to heal properly. however I'm worried,
Will I always be drawn to blokes who treat m like shit.
will I be on my own for the rest of my life?
is the best we can expect now?
sorry am wallowing a bit really and really shouldn't be as generally my life is v good (at least 1000 times better than it has been, just having a bit of a low day)
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Relationships
feeling a little deflated n unsure at the mo, can I have reassurance that it's not the end of the world please!!
15 replies
thesouthsbelle · 01/08/2009 14:33
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