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I just want some time alone - why is he so hurt by this?

(13 Posts)
esc8 Sat 01-Aug-09 13:03:34

I am a housewife - getting on alright, occaisionaly frustrated with 2yr old and 5yr old. I feel that as I cannot work, I try my best to be a good mum and reasonable housekeeper. by the end of the week I am exhausted and need to find myself again and rest my body. DP cannot understand that I need some time alone and is taking great offence that I should not want to be with him and kids for a few hours over the weekend. It ends in an argument every week.
Am I going crazy or is this an ok thing to ask for??

foofi Sat 01-Aug-09 13:05:40

It's totally understandable! He doesn't realise how you feel because he simply isn't in the position of constantly being with the children. Hope you can persuade him that it's nothing personal but you do need a break.

esc8 Sat 01-Aug-09 13:20:02

This is something that has been an issue since our first was born. He gets so angry, he is reluctant to plan the weekend (wants to be spontaneous) and then we end up in a argument! I just dont get how he will not just respect my need and get on with it. !!

foxinsocks Sat 01-Aug-09 13:21:29

why can't you work?

put your 2 year old in nursery for a few sessions and get your break while he is at work!

perhaps he is missing you a lot while he's at work and is craving time with you on the weekend

esc8 Sat 01-Aug-09 13:29:22

I do not earn enough money for nursery fee's and am happy to be at home for the kids. its a joint decission.
My issue is not that I dont want to run away for the weekend, just a small part of it alone. I understand that he misses us, but it gets like the walls are coming in on me and I need to escape.!

foxinsocks Sat 01-Aug-09 13:32:51

but if you pooled yours and his salaries and looked at it that way?

If you are happy not working (sorry, got the impression in your OP that you weren't), then I would lay down the law. Either you get a bit of free time on the weekend or between the two of you, you save a little bit to contribute to say one half day for the 2 year old while the 5 yr old's at school.

Or swap the kids with a friend for a day during the week so you each get a day without children?

(your 2 yr old should start getting free sessions at some point?)

SlartyBartFast Sat 01-Aug-09 13:39:20

i worked specifically to get some time away, blush
just a few hours as a care assistant.
would that be an idea?

skyward Sat 01-Aug-09 13:46:36

I'm in a similar position to you, choose to stay at home and sometimes find it hard. I feel EXACTLY the same - crave some time alone. Being with children 24/7 is incredibly demanding and if you don't get some time to yourself you'll go mad. I felt a million times better when I started an evening course. Also two hours on a Saturday morning or whatever to be your time is totally reasonable and needn't interfere with family activities.

junglist1 Sat 01-Aug-09 14:36:52

Tell him you're having time to yourself whether he likes it or not. He is acting like a child himself. How pathetic

2rebecca Sat 01-Aug-09 21:36:24

I'd give him the choice of paying to put the 2 year old in a private nursery 1/2-1 day a week or him looking after the kids for a few hours each week to give you some free time, or both. Does he not have any hobbies? I've always had some time to myself during the week and at weekends because my husband and I have always had hobbies so 1 of us doing something whilst the other looks after the kids when they were small seems natural to me. It starts going pear shaped if you never spend time together and are always apart but he's either lazy about looking after the kids or a a bit clingy and controlling. Neither of these are good.

esc8 Sun 02-Aug-09 12:22:37

thanks guys! I think we have a compromise, he said that he will have the kids on saturday mornings.. I am definatly going to look into an evening class for the autumn too. feeling like the cloud is lifting.... . x

SlartyBartFast Sun 02-Aug-09 12:56:36

evenign classes are brilliant!

SolidGoldBrass Sun 02-Aug-09 13:31:26

Everyone needs a few hours a week for themselves. Women, particularly SAHMs, need to absolutely insist on this from the beginning of SAHMhood otherwise their male partners rapidly get the idea that women are domestic appliances on duty 24/7 in return for their keep.

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