Why am I so c***p at relationships?

[mpuddleduck]

I will be brief, dh left in may because I told him I needed some space, we have been married 18 years.

My mother is a pain in the bottom, she constantly moans, belittles me, my actions, is far too ill to offer any practical help and thinks Iam a rubbish mum and daughter, she has told my Iam the worst daughter in the world.

I don't have any real friends and am finding it really hard to talk to anyone about how I feel just now.

Why can't I get it right, I always end up piggy in the middle with either friends or relations.

[HolyGuacamole]

There are a few threads about mothers just now mpuddleduck, not sure if they would be relevant to you or not. I tend to think that if a person makes you feel like that, then you should spend as little time in their company as possible. Can you mention to her that you find her negative attitude unhelpful, unsupportive and offensive, considering that you already have enough on your plate to be getting on with?

Don't group this together with other things that are going on in your life. Each situation is separate. Don't even think that because maybe a few things have happened within a short space of time, that it is proof positive that you are some kind of bad person, because it's not.

[mpuddleduck]

Hi HolyGuacamole, I'm sorry I'm whinging again, but when I can't sleep it all just seeems too much and it must be me.

I was cross/upset last night because my brother is bringing mother to visit with him next week. dd1 has a dentist appt which will mean 1 night away, I told my mother and all she could say (quite forcefully) was that if I'm not going to be here she might as well not come), I have animals and 3 other children to look after at home.

I'm still on a rollercoaster with my feelings about (d)h and I can't help lumping it all together. sorry.

[HolyGuacamole]

Hey stop apologising! And it's not whinging either, it's not your fault that things right now are less than ideal.

I don't know if it is a great suggestion or not given your circumstances, but could you change the dentist appointment? I'm not saying you should, or that it is even practical for you to do that, just wondering if that would give you a bit of peace from your mum in the short term? Or could you explain to your brother and maybe he can make your mum see the difficulty you have?

Maybe if you can't change the appointment, you could tell her that ok it's not practical to come on that day and maybe arrange another visit? I also understand that sometimes there is no pleasing people, you are darned if you do, darned if you don't. Actually your mum could do the decent thing and suggest that, but it sounds like you are the one who will have to change your plans in some way.

I guess I just really think that you should be getting more support than you are at the moment, especially from your mum. It's not fair that people are expecting so much of you when in fact they should be helping you out or at the very least, fitting in with your plans.