We've never had a falling out, we apparently get on fine, this is just how things are.
She speaks to me about once a month on the phone. I speak to my dad far more often, and she is quite happy to get our news via him, she says. Except that either he doesn't pass things on, or she's not really interested, because she never knows what's going on with us. When I do speak to her, it is usually at my dad's instigation - he will insist that "Mum is dying to talk to you!" and put her on the phone, and sometimes our chat is okay but often it's a bit awkward and she clearly doesn't really want to chat. She doesn't see the point of talking when there's nothing to say.
I would say this is just how she is, but she has a completely different relationship with my brother. They talk all the time. A few months ago I was chuckling to my bro saying that I spoke to mum for 30 minutes which is unheard of, and that we'd had a really good natter. Usually she chats for 10 minutes, or 20 tops and then has to go. He was puzzled and said that she talks to him for easily an hour when he calls.
My brother says I look for things to feel offended about.
I send photos of the children, which Dad says that Mum just loves. She never ever ever replies or says anything about the photos. Is my dad over-egging the pudding deliberately, and saying how much my mum adores the photos so I won't think she's not bothered about them? I sent some a few days ago, and no response as usual. Then I remembered I;d not sent an address she asked for so emailed again with the address and said "did you like the photos?". No reply.
I constantly feel silly for being needy about her attention, but then I take a step back and I don't think wanting to talk to my mum once every couple of weeks, or acknowledge some photos of her grandchildren is particularly needy. Is it? Tell me. I really don't know.
She is with me as she is with her mother, who she has been quite frank about not liking.
I remember as a child she often used to say "I love you, but I don't always like you very much". I know she loves me. I think it is enough for her to know I'm okay and happy and doing well. Maybe she just doesn't actually enjoy my company or like me very much.
Last time we saw my parents I was chatting away with a friend of hers who I'd not met before. After a while Mum laughed and said "You see X? I told you she ought to have been your daughter, not mine!" She was only joking about the fact that X and I had interests in common that my mum and I don't share. She said it a few times though. It has stuck with me.
She has spoken before about how she likes one of my half brothers more than the other. I think she thinks about this sort of thing, how well she gets on with people, and how well she likes them.
So (sorry, this is rather long), I am left with the conclusion that my mum wishes me well but doesn't like me much. And I suppose I should just put my big girl pants on and deal with that. We have all met people we don't like, and you can't help liking or disliking someone. I do often feel a bit crappy about it though. I feel as though I'm getting something wrong. I feel like I just need to do something better or different or something, and then she'd like me. Which is pathetic behaviour from a grown woman, and I know I'd be on a hiding to nothing. You can't make someone like you.
Not sure what I want from this thread really. What do you think?
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Relationships
I need third person perspective. Does my mum just not like me? And is that okay?
ajarbythedoor · 30/07/2009 19:03
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