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I makes me feel so sad to read how many MumsNetters are with rubbish men

(29 Posts)
FabBakerGirlIsBack Thu 30-Jul-09 11:54:39

I had my fair share of vile specimins and are now with an amazing man who has stood by me through lots of hard times.

There are decent men out there but why are women so down on themselves that they stay when they would advice their friend to leave?

Please, if you are in a relationship where you are not number one with your man - look at why, you deserve better.

No smug post. Just sad that men can do such a number on women.

This was meant to be a post to celebrate the decent man but..

NellyNoKnicks Thu 30-Jul-09 11:58:54

I agree, i've trawled the depths of cr@p men and now have one who idolises me... now all i wish for is the same for every other woman.... but i'm not sharing mine grin

AnyFucker Thu 30-Jul-09 12:11:54

You are right FBGIB

I find a lot of posts on here depressing and upsetting

When you have read enought of them, it is easy to see (as an outsider) how many of them follow a set pattern

And most upsetting is how many of the women make excuses for their blokes abusive behaviour and let their dc remain in such a destructive atmosphere

I suppose it can take a long time sometimes for someone to come to their senses (there are a few threads going along those lines at the moment), but God it is frustrating to see

I am a shy and quiet person in RL (honest) but have only allowed myself to be treated badly once

And that was once too many

FabBakerGirlIsBack Thu 30-Jul-09 12:13:29

Trouble is, AF, sometimes you just don't see it coming. One bloke hit me, can't remember why, and I am so annoyed I apologised to him. I just wanted things back to how they had been. I got my own back though, by default. grin

AnyFucker Thu 30-Jul-09 12:17:12

I know FBGIB, am trying not to judge (MN has taught me that, at least)

squilly Thu 30-Jul-09 12:23:14

I think it's sad that so many women put up with crap men, but I do think a board like this highlights the angst, rather than the day to day 'good' guys in the world.

Let's face it, MN is a place to vent and to ask for help and advice. Generally, folks with a good bloke don't need to post about their OH so much. So perhaps the picture looks skewed?

Even so, even if it was just one woman on here with domestic violence in her life or abuse it would be too many.

You're right, it's v sad.

FAQtothefuture Thu 30-Jul-09 12:26:30

actually I'll tell you what annoys me on MN - is that people say "he'll never change" - it's expected that a shitty man will stay a shitty man whatever.

and any even slightly derogatory behaviour from him is PURELY of his own doing, - there can't possibly be anything else which is causing it, affecting his behaviour. And that we should all just upsticks and leave them.

IT's very much a "throw away" relationship scenario on here.

Of course if the woman behaes in a shitt way that's generally ok - it's excusable - but if the man does it he's automatically labelled scum.

Of course there are some posters that ARE with shitty men - but not half as many as some MNers like to announce there is.

misscreosote Thu 30-Jul-09 12:26:32

I think you just don't get posts saying 'help, my DP/DH is fabulous, what shall I do?' wink. Am sure there are many more MNetters out there in healthy relationships than unhealthy ones. My DH, for example, is absolutely great and my best friend! blush sorry, too gushy.

Just wanted you to know its not all bad, and yes, we can celebrate the decent men, there are plenty of them!

FabBakerGirlIsBack Thu 30-Jul-09 12:30:43

I know you weren't judging, AF.grin

That was my point for posting, to celebrate the decent men but it went a bit wrong.

AnyFucker Thu 30-Jul-09 12:32:08

I think I brought the thread down FBGIB smile

BadgersArse Thu 30-Jul-09 12:33:10

wee get these threads de temps en temps

ninedragons Thu 30-Jul-09 12:37:05

Couldn't agree more. A lot of the posts here leave me just aghast. The number one thing I want to drill into DD is don't ever settle for a man (or woman) who treats you like anything less than gold.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Thu 30-Jul-09 12:40:11

You didn't, AF. I started it all wrong.

AnyFucker Thu 30-Jul-09 12:42:04

but ninedragons, there is a downside to this "treat as gold" mentality

many abusive men, do actually initially (and also imbetween the abuse) treat their women as precious objects

they are attentive, never leave your side, want to do everything together, buy presents, bring flowers etc etc

then, the next time you don't conform to their image of the "perfect woman" they tell you how "disappointed" they are, call you a whore, give you a slap

beware the overly-attentive man !

scottishmummy Thu 30-Jul-09 12:48:06

i am more aghast at amount of MN who buy their man underwear

jesus wept,that level of infantalising is grim

presumably grown men who hold down jobs.responsible adults.but the missus buys the chuddies.maybe unconsciously they will chose ugly or polyester special so he cannot get his keks down for someone else with her laughing. a clever sabeotage

but seriously maybe when we are content we dont come on MN and say my adorable partner did thta and dat

GypsyMoth Thu 30-Jul-09 12:48:11

it annoys me that so many posters say send him off for counselling/therapy/pills/anger management. for a violent aggressive man!! like its a miracle cure!

MorrisZapp Thu 30-Jul-09 12:51:18

Agree with anyfucker. I don't want to be treated like a princess or like gold - I'm a normal woman with faults and I expect to be treated as such.

It should be an equal loving, supportive and forgiving relationship on both sides. Once one side has the other side on a pedestal something is just not right.

GetOrfMoiLand Thu 30-Jul-09 13:03:21

Oh, I thought this thread was about mners who had relationships with blokes who are dustmen, not crap blokes.

But then I am a twat grin

In response to OP - shocking what some women put up with. I am currently going through a bad patch with DP, but at least he is not violent or controlling.

scottishmummy Thu 30-Jul-09 13:05:58

the danger in the my man is a twat thread is if you agree the OP dies a schreeching u turn and starts to stick up for him,being all very dare dont know 'im to posters

FabBakerGirlIsBack Thu 30-Jul-09 13:41:06

But if one did post about her man being amazing someone would take offence.

I buy my husbands underwear. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. He works, I don't. he can't get excited about buying pants, I don't mind so I do it.

Doesn't make me anything other than a wife helping her husband.

ninedragons Thu 30-Jul-09 14:00:33

In my defence, I reciprocate fully.

A colleague in my open-plan office once said to me I cannot BELIEVE how lovey-dovey you are on the phone to your husband when you're just working out what to get out of the freezer for dinner. Are you for real?

Just lucky, I suppose, to be madly in love after nine years smile

junglist1 Thu 30-Jul-09 14:10:45

Counselling doesn't help. It just draws everything out and gives a woman hope for nothing. Pills? Yeah an overdose of them would help.

junglist1 Thu 30-Jul-09 14:11:35

Oh for the abuser not me, I'm having a lovely time grin

AnyFucker Thu 30-Jul-09 14:13:11

junglist1 grin

HighOnDieselAndGasoline Thu 30-Jul-09 14:15:52


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