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Help - constant bickering is killing our marriage

(5 Posts)
MrsMcJnr Wed 29-Jul-09 23:01:18

Feeling really down sad I feel like my relationship with DH is getting worse and worse. We have a DS of 18 months and a DD of 7 weeks. It takes next to nothing to set us at each other and the way we speak to each other and the things we say are far nastier than anything I have ever known in a relationship before. Every day I vow that I won’t lose the rag with him but then he says something nasty, spiteful or malicious to me and it sets me off. I want to be better, I want to not react, I hate the atmosphere around our children and I hate what all this nastiness is doing to our marriage.

I feel that he has no respect for me never mind love for me, there is certainly no tenderness, no desire and no companionship most days and I seriously fear for our future and feel like I can’t breathe because I do love him so much and can’t bear the thought of being without him. Then on other days, rare ones admittedly, he is his old self, caring, funny even affectionate. That’s when I wonder if it is in my head that we are falling apart but I don’t think it is.

I have tried to talk to him but he just blocks me out with yes/no answers and infuriating comments like “yes dear, whatever you say dear”. The things he is saying are getting worse. He told me the other day that he blames me for all our joint debt because he didn’t have any when we met. He told me today that it could be arranged that he was no longer my husband. All this takes place in front of the kids. He is affectionate to DS but just ignores DD, she is my responsibility and he’d rather play games on face book than tend to her, there is no bonding whatsoever.

I don’t really expect advice as it is hard for any of you to suggest anything based on a snippet like this but I feel like I am drowning and dread family time, and what makes it so hard is the lack of sleep and the hormones raging through me, I can’t decide if I am overeating or not.

Any tips to be the “better man” would be greatly appreciated.

HolyGuacamole Wed 29-Jul-09 23:09:25

Aw, sorry you're feeling bad. He sounds like he is being a real, inconsiderate shit, especially considering you've just recently given birth.

I've no children so I don't have experience of what you are going through but other MNers will be along with some great advice soon.

Best wishes and congratulations on the birth of your new DD.

HolyGuacamole Thu 30-Jul-09 16:25:57

Bump for you.

claireybee Thu 30-Jul-09 16:40:47

Sounds like me and dh, we went through the sniping stage and then went into a nothing stage where we barely had contact for weeks on end. Then he said he was leaving, we had a big talk and agreed to try to start again. A lady on my PN thread recommended this book. It makes a lot of sense and I'm trying to put it into practice. It's not always easy but I am seeing some improvement...

Lack of sleep will not be helping at all though sad

MrsMcJnr Fri 31-Jul-09 15:31:40

Holyguacamole – thank you for posting for me and for your empathy smile

Thanks Claireybee smile I will get a copy of that book, sounds interesting. The baby proofing your marriage book hasn’t done us much good, I’ve read it twice and it just makes me feel more depressed because I have tried to work at things. I really hope that things get much better for you and DH smile

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