Leka - if you come back to this - whether you keep this baby or not, please really consider whether you need this man in your life? Is he a positive influence for any other DCs? There's always a way out - being in another country won't make it impossible
He has a daughter from a previous relationship who adores her brother and before he was born I promised that I would never take him away from her back to my country - but I don't know how I can make ends meet with not being able to be here (Holland) legally.
If I'm away suddenly, it's because it's not safe to write.