Jealous partner

[BertieBotts]

I have been invited to a friend's birthday party thing. It's a "big" birthday, I missed her last one and really want to go. I mentioned it to DP and asked if he would be able to look after DS that day and he said yes, but then later seemed a bit bothered by it, he asked who was going so I looked at the facebook page she'd set up for the event and found that there will be a man there who I fancied for about 2 weeks when I was 13. DP is bothered by this. I think he's being ridiculous, I'm not in the slightest bit interested in this bloke any more and anyway, he's happily attached and most of all I wouldn't cheat on DP!

Anyway I'm not sure whether it's the fact this man will be there specifically, or that there might possibly be other men there at all or if it's just the fact I want to go out on my own(!) - or even if it's more innocent and he just fancies coming, but I doubt it - but he's asked why he couldn't come and we could get someone else to look after DS. I don't really know how to ask my friend whether DP can come because I don't want to put her in an awkward position of saying no, now again it gets a bit complicated here.

Basically when DP and this friend first met, he was polite to her but they barely spoke/interacted at all throughout the afternoon, DP was talking to his friend and me and my friends were chatting. We have been out together with her since, but he is paranoid that she doesn't like him because she always just invites me out or arranges to meet me during the day and doesn't mention him. I think that she's just being considerate and meeting up with me in the day as to not cut into our evenings together and when she doesn't mention him in invitations I'm just not sure whether it means it's a joint invitation or not and how to ask - I have no idea what the etiquette is.

Anyway I really want to go but I'm worried if I go without him he's going to spoil the whole day by being moody when I get home.

I hope that makes sense because I've tried to post this before and not managed to. And DS is getting restless so I will just post this now!

[Leeka]

Presumably if she's that good a friend you could just ask her if he's invited too, esp if you think he has no real basis for thinking she doesn't like him? If she says no and gives you a reason why, I guess that'll give you an opportunity to discuss the situation anyway, and if she says yes, it's all sorted and no reason to worry any more.

It sounds like your partner would like to come, the jealousy thing sounds a bit odd but I'd perhaps give him the benefit of the doubt and think he maybe just feels a bit left out, especially if you going to these kind of things without him is a regular thing.

It might just be that if she's not friends with him on Facebook, she doesn't invite him because that's how she does her inviting. If she is friends with him, and still doesn't invite him, maybe she is being a bit weird - so just ask her! Not rude IMO to query if partners are invited or not.