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DP is going on 'finding himself' trip to India for 6 weeks next June, can I vent?

(666 Posts)
stellamel Wed 29-Jul-09 15:28:19

Just wanted some perspective on this! I am very new to mumsnet. Also am 18 wks preggers with DC2.

Now for his 40th B/day (March this year) DP decided he wanted to go on a sort of 'boys own' trip to India - next June (major project at work finishes then, so he should be able to get a sabbatical, he will quit if not as he hates his job anyway). DP intention is to fly out to India, buy a Royal Enfield motorbike (still made in Dehli), then ride it home to Derbyshire. We've worked out this will take approx 6 weeks - all being well, cost @ £4K (including bike) money we will need a loan for, and take him close to several conflict zones (including Afghanistan) and require him to ride through Iran.

Now aside from all these worries, plus the fact i will have a 6mth old and 4 yr old to look after (I am not the world's most confident parent!) I made a gargantuan effort to see this trip from his point of view and am now on-board with it, and am supporting his choice. However when I declined helping with the logistics, (I pointed out it wasn't something I knew anything about, and as it was his trip it was up to him to sort it out), he was a bit grumbly. I replied I felt pretty proud of myself for even excepting and being happy for him to go away for such a long time, to which he laughed and said 6 weeks wasn't a long time, it was like a summer holiday (I wish i had 6 week summer holidays!), when I said I didn't agree, he just shook his head and said I was being ridiculous - and believe it or not this is what has me annoyed angry, I'm still behind the trip, but am seething about him belittling what I see as a pretty good thing on my part.

Am I being unreasonable and and silly to expect him to understand that 6 weeks is a fairly long time to go away for?

Sidge Wed 29-Jul-09 15:29:51

YANBU.

Is he having a midlife crisis or something? Can't he just get his ear pierced and buy a leather jacket?

Slashtrophe Wed 29-Jul-09 15:30:40

Can you ask him how he'll feel when you book your six week sabbatical and leave him with the kids?

OhBling Wed 29-Jul-09 15:30:50

YANBU.

I'm a fan of partners having their own lives - but this is really nice of you. especially with small children.

TheProfiteroleThief Wed 29-Jul-09 15:30:57

I think he has very unrealistic expectations of you. I would be unsupportive of such a self indulgent trip.

YANBU

I would however ask that he has an up to date will and insurances for both life and travel.

AnyFucker Wed 29-Jul-09 15:31:37

omg, is he growing a pony tail too ??

MIDLIFECRISIS alert

bleh Wed 29-Jul-09 15:32:21

tell him to grow up. That's ridiculous. It sounds like a wonderful plan, but he has two DCs and responsibilities and has to realise that maybe now is not the time. Maybe wait until the DCs are older and you could go for part of it? Would he let you do an equivalent trip?

flowerybeanbag Wed 29-Jul-09 15:33:00

YANBU. In my book when you've got a young family you don't get to behave like a teenager with no responsibilities. I agree with slashtrophe said as well. Bet he wouldn't be supportive of you running off on a midlife crisis for 6 weeks and leaving him with the kids.

hocuspontas Wed 29-Jul-09 15:33:13

I think I would show him plans of YOUR sabbatical following his return. 6 weeks sunning yourself in Oz sans dcs. See how interested he is in that hmm

EustaciaVye Wed 29-Jul-09 15:33:17

yanbu - he is being very selfish and immature

PlumBumMum Wed 29-Jul-09 15:33:39

You are being more than reasonable letting him go,
there is no way I would let my dh borrow money to go away on a weeks holiday never mind 6!
I'm of the opinion that holidays are times for the family to get away from it all and bond together!

TheCrackFox Wed 29-Jul-09 15:33:46

YANBU

TBH it really does sound like he is taking the piss. I wouldn't be happy to take a loan out for this.

TheProfiteroleThief Wed 29-Jul-09 15:34:16

I had missed the bit about a loan!
What could you do as a family for £4k!!!!!!!!!!!

flowerybeanbag Wed 29-Jul-09 15:34:39

I missed the bit about borrowing money to do it! shock

AnyFucker Wed 29-Jul-09 15:34:42

so what are you doing for your midlife crisis finding-yourself trip ?

you don't get one ?

well, fancy that

MorrisZapp Wed 29-Jul-09 15:35:12

Loads of people are going to tell you to chill out and support his amazing sounding adventure.

Personally speaking, my DP would have got as far as 'buy a motorbike in Delhi' and I'd have shut it down completely.

(makes Family Fortunes style sound of NO WAY PAL).

Sorry but not only does he expect you to accept the risks, expenses and long absence of this trip, but is grumpy becuse you don't seem cheerful about it and want to help?

Insane. He needs a stiff talking to imo.

NorbertDentressangle Wed 29-Jul-09 15:35:45

Mid-life crisis indeed, but on a grand scale.

Do you think he'd scale it down bit to maybe doing Lands End to John O'Groats in a mini instead smile

Seriously though, he seems to have forgotten that he has a family to consider.

AnyFucker Wed 29-Jul-09 15:36:21

I expect you may have to miss out on a family holiday too ?

Since you will be in debt for his trip

There is no way this would be happening in my world

Blackduck Wed 29-Jul-09 15:36:23

Agree with others here - I think he is being unreasonable to even consider it, and taking out a loan so he can have 6 weeks away isn't on (my dp wouldn't even suggest it...) Now going away for six weeks with me and ds - that he would do! As for 'finding himself' well perhaps he needs to realise he IS a father and a partner....

bleh Wed 29-Jul-09 15:37:27

Suggest he tries Land's End to John O'Groats instead, see how that goes, and then decide on how wise it is to go motorbiking through some of the most dangerous areas on the planet.

Alternatively, as if he doesn't mind if you borrow £6K to go and find yourself somewhere (like Harrods).

flowerybeanbag Wed 29-Jul-09 15:38:17

rofl at bleh, finding self in Harrods sounds like fun grin

stellamel Wed 29-Jul-09 15:38:50

He has no will or life insurance (I have both) - getting these sorted before he goes are the 2 stipulations I have put in place!

LIZS Wed 29-Jul-09 15:39:17

hmm Agree with Sidge , you should ask him what would happen if roles reversed. Watch the look of panic come over him then !

noddyholder Wed 29-Jul-09 15:39:36

Totally unreasonable.My best friends dp did this and came back hugely disgruntled and unsettled.their baby was 12 weeks at the time.They soldiered on and when she was 1 all 3 of them headed off for a year to do similar and they got back last autumn and have now split sad.Get him to think twice

dittany Wed 29-Jul-09 15:39:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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