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I dont know how to leave

(5 Posts)
EvaToniAnn Sun 26-Jul-09 20:33:52

How do you leave a marriage when your not IN love anymore, and arnt happy but you feel guilty for leaving your "husband" alone and you have a child whose world you dont dont to screw up?

twistedficus Sun 26-Jul-09 22:20:16

Hi there

You just have to weigh it all up and make the choice. Your child will know how you feel if you pretend either way. have you tries counselling?
Good luck whatever you do

maggievirgo Sun 26-Jul-09 22:26:05

You won't screw up your child's world. Please don't be so melodramatic and insulting to children from single parent families. I left my children's Dad, and I know that they are happier now than they were when we were together.. Not only happier, but more confident too. Children absorb a shitty atmosphere, even if they can't put their finger on exactly why the atmosphere is so negative.

The adjustment is the hardest part. If you could fast forward to September 2010 I bet you would, but there's no easy way.

You have to have those awkward conversations, and you have to use energy and resources you didn't know you had to start again... but it could totally revitalise you and put a spring back into your step.

Don't feel too guilty about leaving your husband. Do you think he has no clue that you don't love him? Maybe if you reassure him that you want be friendly co-parents in close proximity, he will accept the inevitable.

EvaToniAnn Sun 26-Jul-09 22:31:30

sorry I didn't mean to insult anyone.

He knows to be honest We've had talks and he knows I want to go, thing is i never have money to set up on my own, then he goes back to thinking things are just normal again, and when things are normal again it seems so hard to go through it all again.

k850plus Sun 26-Jul-09 23:30:43

Hi ETA - don't think I can help, but I can empathise completely.

I am in a very similar situation, and I know just how hard it is to get up the courage to do this.

My only words of wisdom would be to do it sooner rather than later. I can say quite catagorically that the longer you leave it the harder it becomes.

We have been having the " we can't stay together" arguments for years now, but never a proper grown up sit down discussion. Always in the heat of the moment. Our relationship is a complete sham, a farce, and I am a complete wimp and unable to sort it out. I have been plotting and planning for ages but haven't yet got the courage to do it!

I hope for your sake you find that courage from somewhere - sooner rather than later.

If you search through the posts on here you will see that we are not alone, far from it. There is a mountain of helpful hints and encouraging words to be had, all of which is very comforting - but it all comes down to you in the end I am afraid to say.

Good luck - will keep checking to see how you are getting on.

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