SIL has just updated her Facebook status

[JollyPirate]

... to "in a relationship" complete with photos of herself and new bloke.

She asked my brother to move out 2 months ago and he's been with me ever since in the spare room.
He didn't know about the new man until he looked at Facebook this morning.

I am so cross on his behalf. I know life goes on and a new relationship was inevitable at some point but am so annoyed that she didn't even have the decency to tell my brother before announcing to all and sundry over Facebook.

He has his children every other weekend and they have been here since Friday night - SIL used to be an earth mother but all of a sudden can't wait to get rid of the children (presumably so she can spend time with this bloke). My brother is under strict instructions not to return them until 7 tonight - oh and she hasn't phoned once to see how they are.

Two weeks ago my niece was 9 and my brother went over with my parents to take presents and cards. Sister in law was asked first - they didn't just show up. So they went and then she pointedly excluded them. My parents (who have bent over backwards to help her and my brother financially over the years) felt very unwanted and unwelcome. No birthday cake was cut as they were waiting for sister in laws brother and were then all going to order food in. It was made plain that this wouldn't happen until her brother arrived. They sat one side of the room and my parents and brother sat the other side. Mum tried to talk but was cut dead with one word yes and no answers. My auntie is dying of cancer and sister in law could not even manage a "how is auntie M". Forgive me for feeling really angry and upset about her behaviour.

I am so tempted to phone or write to her and point out that her actions have been hurtful and inconsiderate but cannot as that would just inflame everything. But can I just call her a "biiitttcchhh" here - there that feels better!

My son will be 7 in December and my niece and nephew will get an invite to the birthday party as will their Mum. No way will I sink to the level she has.

God it feels good to offload that.

As you all were.

[roundwindow]

I wish your brother and your auntie well.

Good on you for not sinking to her level. Really understandable that you're feeling angry and upset. I guess the best thing for your brother right now is that you remain supportive and dignified and treat SIL the way you wish she was treating everyone else, ie, with kindness. Hard, though.

[Boys2mam]

YANBU, thoughtless witch.

I agree with Roundwindow, and please resist any temptation to bitch about her to your DB as this will just hurt him. Just come on here and moan on MN instead

I don't see that the joint celebrations are necessary now though. Suggest to your brother that you make your own arrangements for his kids in future, then only minimal contact with her is necessary.

[thighsmadeofcheddar]

She sounds dreadful. Your poor brother.

I would remove her from your facebook friends though, to save yourself the aggravation.

[beanieb]

What was your relationship with her like before the split?

[drlove8]

your brothers ex is entitled to have a new boyfriend and post photos of them on facebook. .... your just being bitchy about it.... BUT her attutude toward your parents is shocking , she had no manners imo. so sorry about your aunt m . If she's that awful your brothers well rid.

[junglist1]

That's sad she treated your parents like that. I hate my x's mum and never hid it, but for very good reasons. I would have loved caring in laws.

[charitygirl]

How pathetic to use Facebook like that...when will people realise that this is not how adults should behave?

[Northernlurker]

Of course she's entitled to a new relationship. What she is not entitled to do is pretend that her former husband and his family don't exist or have any claims on her courtesy.

[SwannMum]

Yep. When our son was ten weeks old and his father walked out on us, he had the courtesy to announce on Facebook that he was 'single' and 'looking for women'. Nice after I'd recently given birth to our baby. Then he goes to Glastonbury, probably to have sex with sixteen year olds in tents. He is 33 years old. 33 for Christ's sake! Facebook is the spawn of the devil. Defriend and block her from his profile, then he won't torture himself by cyberstalking her... we all do it, let's face it. That is dispicable treatment and he's much better off on his own. I wonder if she is related to my ex by any chance?!

[beanieb]

off topic, honestly I don't think Glastonbury is full of men having sex with 16 year olds.

carry on

[beanieb]

Apologies Swannmum, have see your other thread and am sorry you are having a tough time.

my comment above wasn't meant to be insensitive.

[JollyPirate]

Okay folks - have slept on this and calmed down - and now rather regret my rant of yesterday . Of course she is absolutely entitled to a new relationship and it is up to her what she puts on Facebook. I have managed to speak to her now - nice chat this morning as we always DID get on well. Told me a lot of things going on - apparently my brother has been very hurt and has sent her some awful text messages. . Despite what he has said she did tell him about her new man 2 weeks ago.

As well as that - in an effort to prove to himself that he's over her (I think) he has been off out meeting someone he has chatted to over the internet . Went out last night and did not return till after 1.00am and then phoned in sick to work

Told my SIL that she is always welcome here (have told her that in the past but wanted to reiterate it). She said that on the day my parents went over that my brother and she had had a big row over her meeting someone new. My niece and nephew have met him and apparently he's very nice (very important if he's going to be part of their lives). However, they sat here yesterday while my brother was in the shower writing letters to him saying "Dear Daddy I miss you so, so, so, so so so much" and "Dear Daddy you are my best and only Daddy" . Brought tears to my eyes.

I fell into the trap I thought I would never fall into - there is always more than one side to any story.

[maggievirgo]

This is why I don't have my x's family on my FB list. They'd be analysing my life and seeing it only from the perspective of how it irritated them.

Not an attack on you jolly pirate, just makes me glad I deleted my x's family when we split. Seemed incredibly rude at the time no doubt. But I don't want them presuming to criticise every thought I have every move I make.

AT least your brother gets the opportunity to be a 50:50 father (or nearly???) to his kids.

If I were you I'd wish her good luck and then delete her. For both your sakes.