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Friend's husband just left after affair. What can I do?

(8 Posts)
Runoutofideas Sun 26-Jul-09 12:51:37

My lovely friend called me last night to tell me her husband has been having an affair and has left her. I knew they'd been having problems but the affair was a shock to me, as it clearly was to her. She has 2 young children and is devastated. We live on opposite sides of the country so I can't just pop round. I want to send her something to say we're thinking of her and to help her see a way out of this mess, but don't really know what. Any tips for anything I can say or do which may help her through this initial terrible time....? Thanks

misbag Sun 26-Jul-09 14:47:31

Sorry to hear about your friend's problem. Must be hard for you not to be able to be with and console in person.

Flowers always do it for me in terms of someone showing me how they feel - something contemporary would be my choice!!

Whilst I know how your friend is feeling right now - been there myself twice already. In retrospect I would say do not let her have him back in her life. Once a cheat always a cheat, and she will feel such a fool and so much more humiliated than she does now if she allows him back and he does it again! There will be others who disagree - we are all entitled to our opinions and this is mine.

I wish her luck and even moreso wish it hadn't happened to her. Live can be so very cruel. All you can do is listen and support, be there on the end of the phone when she needs you. Good luck to you.

suwoo Sun 26-Jul-09 15:01:01

This happened to me with my friend 2 years ago. I was there for her on the end of the phone, every day for hours. After a year we were still speaking daily. I think it helped her a lot to be able to talk things through when she needed to- she was pregnant too sad.

Let your friend know you are there to speak to her whenever she wants to.

k850plus Sun 26-Jul-09 15:34:26

One of my bestfriends moved out to Africa with her husband 2 years ago. I was devestated to loose her from my everyday live but knew she was excited to experience the adventure.

We were in touch by text very regularly, and about 6 months ago it became apparent that things were not as they should be for her and the move had not been what she had expected.

She has since moved back here leaving her husband behind - maybe not for ever but certainly for the forseeable future, and she has said how important it was to her to know that I was thinking of her and was keeping in regular contact. She had a life line. Her situation was very different, she had language barriers and all sorts of cultural things to contend with, but the principle is the same. Just keep showing your support in whatever way you can, texts, phonecalls, flowers, a card maybe. We all just need to know that people are there and thinking of us even if they cannot actually do anything practical.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Sun 26-Jul-09 15:57:58

Flowers for her would be nice with a card and maybe something for the kids - a new toy/book/dvd/jigsaw.

Runoutofideas Sun 26-Jul-09 18:33:25

Thanks everyone. Guess I just have to be there for her on the end of the phone. May sound overly cheesy but does anyone know of an uplifting poem or quote which may help her feel better? She is very strong generally and I'm convinced she won't take him back. She is highly moral and absolutely livid with him, but devastated that her children will grow up from a broken home and she will be a divorcee through no fault of her own.

Mumfun Sun 26-Jul-09 19:43:46

In same situation myself. Call her sometimes not just wait for her to call.It feels good that people bother to contact you -even though they know they might have to deal with you being really upset.

MyGoldenNotebook Sun 26-Jul-09 19:52:38

I like this one, not sure if it's uplifting in the way you want but it always makes me feel stronger:

'It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have

I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,

Weary and bruised to the bone

And do what needs to be done for the children'

Native Indian poem

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