Hi
I don't think I can ask for advice because I don't think there is anything I can do about my situation but I would be grateful to off load. I'm sorry it's a bit long
I have been married for over 20 years to a man 16 years older than me. We have two sons (17 and 19)
Our relationship has always been a bit up and down, mostly due to my total lack of self esteem and his critical and controlling ways, but bringing up the kids seemed to dilute the problems (he is a very good father although the boys now find him hard to live with also - can't see their point of view etc)
Around five years ago, things reached a head. I came to the conclusion that our marriage was miserable and loveless and I became fed up with being constantly criticised and undermined. The problem was, I was (and still am) the main breadwinner and he could not have maintained himself financially alone.
I felt so guilty and also so sorry for him that I stuck around when I should have been stronger for both of us and moved out.
Anyhoo, things have got a lot worse, so bad that I often cry my eyes out because I don't want to be in the same house as him.
THe really bad part is that 18 months ago he was diagnosed with a slowly degenerative disease which will get progressively worse in the next few years.
I know this will sound incredibly selfish, because my heart really bleeds for him in many ways to have been dealt this blow, but I feel absolutely stuck in this situation now
I do care for him in many ways, he is not a horrible man and has been very supportive at times, but we are like strangers to each other - polite and detached, no love or affection
Any thoughts would be welcome. I think I know that there is nothing to do and I should just accept the situation but today is one of those really 'blue' days
Thanks for reading
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Relationships
So unhappy, but so stuck
4 replies
eightiessouldiva · 24/07/2009 14:16
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