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married male friend

(64 Posts)
solanum Wed 22-Jul-09 18:36:31

How can I develop my friendship without getting his wife worried?I am married too.I do not want to develop a friendship with his wife-I do not even know her-I like him as a friend, but how can I meet him without giving off the wrong signals andpushing him away?Before I was married I used to have male friends, butnowIfeel thatpeople assumeyou mustbe afteran affair if you try to see a member of the opposite sex who is married.

Doha Wed 22-Jul-09 18:57:15

Sorry--l tink this is impossible to do on your terms.

You could suggest you any your DP and he and his DW get together for a drink some evening and everyone get to know each other.

I think it's nigh on impossible to cultivate a friendship with him alone without raising any suspicions despite your best intentions.

mrsboogie Wed 22-Jul-09 18:57:29

You'll have t make a bit of an effort with the wife too or you will just make things awkward for everyone. Can't you suggest foursome type outings?

junglist1 Wed 22-Jul-09 20:09:12

I wouldn't have it, it'll all kick off eventually if you don't get friendly with the wife, sorry. Unless she's super rational, confident, totally non jealous, laid back etc. If you don't know her she don't know you, and therefore will be wary.

AnyFucker Wed 22-Jul-09 20:16:21

why are you so keen to develop a relationship with him, whilst excluding his wife ?


you will not be popular, love

ilikeshoes Wed 22-Jul-09 20:19:04

It will definately, make the wife feel threatened,and that not fair women need to stick together, find a male freind whos

skidoodle Wed 22-Jul-09 20:19:15

What kind of friendship are you so keen to develop that excludes his wife?

It's like wanting to make a new friend but not get to know any of their friends i.e. weird

sunburntats Wed 22-Jul-09 20:19:30

Not good.
Dont invite problems, becuase they WILL come.

morningpaper Wed 22-Jul-09 20:20:56


I wouldn't worry about this at all

The issue is, do you have any reason to think his wife is worried?

BBBee Wed 22-Jul-09 20:25:28

god i have loads of married male friends and often not much / nothing to do with their wives. None of these have been affairs!

If it is not in your head it won't happen. If other people need reassuring about it they can seek it out themselves and you can oblige.

'tis a friend FFS!

mrsjammi Wed 22-Jul-09 20:25:43

Message withdrawn

AnyFucker Wed 22-Jul-09 20:28:06

bee, but this poster is deliberately wanting to sideline this blokes wife

I am sure that your own friendships with blokes just developed that way over time, and it wasn't a conscious manipulation on your part

morningpaper Wed 22-Jul-09 20:29:23

Do you all live in Saudi Arabia?

mrsjammi Wed 22-Jul-09 20:30:20

Message withdrawn

morningpaper Wed 22-Jul-09 20:32:15

lol mrsjammi If my DH came out with that sort of bletheringness I would be worried too

If he said "I had lunch today with Claire" I wouldn't pay the remotest bit of attention

What about those of you who 'have been' bisexual? Do you never leave the house?

BBBee Wed 22-Jul-09 20:33:33

mrsjammi - that kind of situation would be fine by me- and pretty much has been.

I have not met their wives/girlfriends because I can't really be bothered with the whole spouse /couple thing - whatever the sex.

SerendipitousHarlot Wed 22-Jul-09 20:33:38

So if your OH met a new woman friend, morningpaper - and she showed absolutely no interest in at least pretending to get to know you - you wouldn't be offended? I'm one of the most laid back people in the world about stuff like that, and I wouldn't be happy.

The fact that OP wants the wife well out of it makes me suspicious.

AnyFucker Wed 22-Jul-09 20:34:19

mp, I certainly don't believe that men and women cannot have platonic relationships

however, in this particular instance, the Op sounds unusually calculated in her "plans" for this friendship

I don't understand why you would deliberately sideline the wife, seems very underhand to me

some of my friendships wth the opposite sex do not include their other half, but that was how it happened over time, not something that I set out to engineer

hercules1 Wed 22-Jul-09 20:34:53

Mrsjammi - do you really believe all that? What about people you meet at work? I have lots of male friends I've met at work and dh has made lots of female friends at work too. Neither of us have much time to go socialising with these people but the thought that there might be something funny going on has never crossed either of our minds. We're married, not chained together to the exclusion of all others.

morningpaper Wed 22-Jul-09 20:37:13

serendipity: DH works, he goes out for lunch with women all the time. I've no idea who they are but if they wanted to meet me I would be rather concerned TBH

AnyFucker Wed 22-Jul-09 20:37:55

herc, but where the other halves deliberately excluded

OP, you have gone quiet

so, if this blokes wife showed interest in getting to know you, what would you say ?

"err, no love I don't want to know you, its just your husband I am interested in....." hmm

mrsjammi Wed 22-Jul-09 20:38:15

Message withdrawn

hercules1 Wed 22-Jul-09 20:38:34

I wouldnt particularly want to meet dh's friends and I dont suppose he'd want to meet all mine.

AnyFucker Wed 22-Jul-09 20:39:24

mp, but if you suddenly showed inteest in getting to know these ladies who lunch and it was made plain you were not welcome....???

morningpaper Wed 22-Jul-09 20:40:23

Why on earth WOULD I be welcome?

It would be mortifying all round

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