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Feel like a single mum, do EVERYTHING on my own and fed up.

(8 Posts)
npg1 Wed 22-Jul-09 16:47:56

My OH has taken a year off to do an MBA at buisness school.He finally finishes in august and has excepted a job in Newcastle (we are in essex), the plan is we will move up there at xmas as we have to give a terms notice at school.

He is away all week, comes home at weekends, sometimes doesnt as he has so much on.

I bring up the children on my own with very little support from him. I feel he is so wrapped up in himself and what he does (he says he is just providing for the family.) Im not sure how much love there is between us anymore, we have been toegther for 11yrs and I was only 17 at the time. I do love him but how do I know if im in love with him?

He has just emailed me with his 'schedule' for the next couple of months. It's crap, he will work in germany for a month, coming home every other week and then start Newcastle job beginning of sept.We will hopefully get a long weekend away soemwhere if I dont want to fly with the 2 DC to germany to see him.

I am getting anxious about going to Newcastle as im worried things will still be the same and he wont be there for me and the children. He is not very easy to talk to either.

I have just started on anti D's as im so down.

ImhavingaBBaby Wed 22-Jul-09 16:50:50

well i dont blame you. I dotn see how you can be inlove with someone you never see. The times when you are together, do you feel happy? thats the thing if your just as miserable alone dont move cos that will just isolate you more!

npg1 Wed 22-Jul-09 17:04:15

I just dont know how I feel. I am abit happier when he is here but feel he doesnt make much effort with me. He invites friends round for the weekends to stay and has just asked 2 of his friends to come and stay for 2 weeks in september and he wont even be here!

MrsMattie Wed 22-Jul-09 17:06:37

It doesn't sound like a very happy family life. You sound miserable. Is there really no room for a little more compromise on his part? I know the job market is shit right now and people have to hang on to whatever they've got and make it work, but does he not realise he is missing out on seeing his kids grow up and jeopardising his marriage? There has to be some more room for manouevre.

npg1 Wed 22-Jul-09 17:27:38

I dont know if he realises it or not. He wont go to counselling which I suggested, he just said no. He thinks if I walk out I will be the sad one to split the family up etc, he has a kind of hold over me as I do whatever he wants me to. There will be weekends in august where he wont be home so thinking of taking kids away on my own as fed up with waiting around for him.

Confuzzeled Wed 22-Jul-09 17:44:49

I really feel for you, I'm having issues with my own dh but not as bad as this.

My dh says he works so much so he can provide for the family but I would rather have a dh that was around and doing something else. It's not fair because you may as well be a single parent but you also have to look after what is essencially a lodger when he's around. I also understand how you feel when your dependent on a man and how scary life would be without them. I always have respect for single parents but at least their in control of their lives. When you live on the edge of relationship like this it's so hard to have respect for yourself because your dependent for money and you still care about keeping your family together.

If you can afford to take your kids away without him then thats what I would do. Go visit some family, talk out your situation with them, they'll know you both better.

ImhavingaBBaby Fri 24-Jul-09 13:45:44

how does the idea of splitting up make you feel? From a practical level would you really be much different to now??

Im not saying it would be easy at all, or even right for you but you do sound very very unhappy in this relationship. Alos your DH is getting all the good bits but none of the responsibilities which seems unfair

GypsyMoth Fri 24-Jul-09 13:50:22

have read some of your posts before,its a rubbish life. you need to speak with him about this. but first,think about what positive changes can actually be made. then suggest them to him.

also ladies,i'd like to dispell the myth here that us single mums don't have a life!!!
yes,we do it all. we do it our way,swith no dh to consider,hence we get things done quicker and properly!!! we do HAVE a life as well you know!!

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