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DP Pressuring me about sex

(12 Posts)
OrangeCrushMama Wed 22-Jul-09 07:35:40

Due to a dodgy stitching job after my first child (10 years ago now) I bleed easily after sex. Its normally not a problem but current partner is quite "wide" and I cut everytime we have sex. It doesn't hurt at the time, it's just sore for a few days afterwards.

Anyway, we had sex a few nights ago. He tried it on again a couple of nights later and I told him I was still a bit sore. He whinged a bit but didn't go on.

Last night he tried it on again after he knew full well I was tired and wasn't feeling well so I turned him down again. He went in a major mood, moaned that we'd had sex once in the past two weeks and that it was ridiculous. 4am this morning I'm woken up by him trying it on again. He knows full well I have insomnia so sleep is precious to me. I turned him down this morning, he wanked in the bed (not all the way) then got up in a mjor huff, went to work an hour early, slamming doors etc.

I'm really, really pissed off and it makes me all the more determined not to have sex.

Is he being a twat or is it me? I do not have a high sex drive, is that really such a crime?

RealityIsGettingMarried Wed 22-Jul-09 07:38:46

Message withdrawn

PM73 Wed 22-Jul-09 07:56:28

He sounds like an inconsiderate wank stain tbh.

You have me sympathies re the after sex bleeding,i used to suffer with this & it turned out my cervix was full of scar tissue after a colposcopy.My surgeon cut it away & since then i have been ok.

Maybe you should go down & see your GP cos its not great for you to live your life like that.

And tell your DP you are a woman not a bloody convenient hole for him to sink his knob into whenever he feels like it.

shootfromthehip Wed 22-Jul-09 08:05:55

Why is it men are so flippin' persistant about this stuff? I agree that he is being a twat but I do think you need to talk to him about it and a trip to the docs wouldn't go amiss. I'm still tender after some tearing during my last labour and can be sore for a couple of days too. It is fair of you to tell him that you don't want sex IMO.

That said- he obviously needs more sex than he is getting. I've always found that from a sex-drive pov, the more you get, the more you want. But not if it's sore.

So, Doctors first then a good chat.

Good luck.

MamaLazarou Wed 22-Jul-09 08:23:51

Ugh, he sounds revolting. You have my sympathies.

ABetaDad Wed 22-Jul-09 08:31:01

This sounds awful.

The first thing that strikes me about this is that you need to get this medical condition dealt with for he sake of your health and future happiness and do it ASAP if at all possible. Ten years is a long time.

The second thing is that until you have got it sorted out you must not have penetrative sex or only in a very very gentle way. You must tell your DP why and he must understand that. Does he properly know the full details about your condition? I would be horrified if DW was bleeding like that.

Third, until you can have penetrative sex without pain or bleeding you and DP need to work out new ways of having a fullfiling physical relationship. He has a natural normal sex drive and you probably do too except this terrible condition inhibits you for very obvious reasons. DP naturally will be very unhappy though to just not have any kind of physical relationship for months or perhaps years.

I think he has not behaved at all well to you recently but unless he really understands what is happening and you are willing to talk and be open about seeking a solution that allows you both to still enjoy some kind of physical relationship then he will inevitably feel he is being rejected. It is not unusual for long term or serious illness of medical conditions to strike in any marriage / partnership. It happened to me and DW and we found that working togther and being open and sensitive to each other's needs made our physical relationship very special and it helped us both through very difficult times.

Finally, all of the above is subject to you actualy wanting a physical relationship with DP at all. If not then you must tell him and allow him to seek another relationship.

TitsalinaBumsquash Wed 22-Jul-09 08:32:56

He sounds like a Teenager ffs, he needs to be understanding and sympathetic to your needs or your relationship cannot work. You have my sympathies, maybe next time you have sex (if you do?!) cut the end of his nob and see if he feels like doing it again for the next few day.

junglist1 Wed 22-Jul-09 09:19:33

Yeah what a turn on that is a grown man having a tantrum. FFS.

2rebecca Wed 22-Jul-09 09:20:29

Agree see your GP. Sex is part of a loving relationship. If you have a problem that interferes with having sex it's going to affect your relationships. This sounds easily treatable.
Neither of you sound as though you care that much about each other as people, he doesn't sound bothered that you cut and get sore, or that he wakes you up, and you don't seem to want to get the problem fixed so you can have sex with him more often.

MovingOutOfBlighty Wed 22-Jul-09 09:28:26

This doesn't sound normal at all.
Neither your DP nor your poor fanjita.

You need to speak to the first very seriously. Is that the kind of relationship he really wants? To force you into having sex just so he doesn't have a tantrum. He sounds like a real prince. hmm
If you are determined to stay together and can't get things sorted ehem, down below, there are other ways to make him happy other than vaginal sex. most men are quite a sucker for blow jobs etc.

And go to your GP. I really don't think 10 years on you should be getting bleeding like that.

sayithowitis Wed 22-Jul-09 10:16:39

I agree with 2Rebecca. Whilst your DP should be ore considerate of your obvious pain and discomfort after sex, you should at least see the GP to find out what can be done. As much as anything because women are always advised to seek advice if they get bleeding after sex. I understand the reason why you get it, but how would you know if it starts to happen for more sinister reasons? You must get it sorted.

If you do not have a sex drive that matches your DPs, you both need to talk about what is acceptable to you both. It is not right for him to tantrum when he doesn't get his way, but it is also not right that you determine how much sex he gets based on your low sex drive. If you cannot come to a compromise, ie: a bit more than you would like and a bit less than he would like, maybe you have to decide whether you could do other things in between times or whether you could cope with him having sex outside your relationship? If you cannot manage any solution, then I guess you have to ask whether this is the rigt relationship for either of you.

AnyFucker Wed 22-Jul-09 10:26:48

I agree with 2reb and sayithowitis

I also think he is being an inconsiderate tosser for pressurising you, but it appears from your post that you are avoiding sex with him and using the problem you have had for 10 years as one of the excuses (among others)

perhaps if he sees you are taking real steps to sort it out, he will ease off. Have a proper chat with him, making sure he understands the more he pesters the more turned-off you feel

and like ABD said, in the meantime, there are lots of ways to have fulfilling sex without penetration

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