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My husband is a secret sperm donor!

(34 Posts)
lilac21 Tue 21-Jul-09 23:04:59

I was browsing my husband's usual user name on Google to see what came up (we are separating but I am wondering about his nights and afternoons out where he is gone for hours and no-one knows where he is) and I found his details on! He is either very altruistic or just a bit weird, I can't decide. We have two kids of our own already.

I found him on Twitter, no surprises there, but the sperm donor thing has me thinking, when I was thinking instead that I might find him on a dating website.

whomovedmychocolate Tue 21-Jul-09 23:06:57

Well he is sort of 'givin' 'er one' grin

Seriously are you sure it's him?

lilac21 Tue 21-Jul-09 23:10:04

Absolutely certain - no photo but physical description and location, and his usual username is unusual if you get my drift!

LynetteScavo Tue 21-Jul-09 23:14:17

Blimey - really dont' konw what to say!

(so maybe I just shouldn't post! hmm)

whomovedmychocolate Tue 21-Jul-09 23:14:34

Urgh - how horrid - are you going to confront him? Is he within the legal age limits etc. How do you feel about it?

EnglishCream Tue 21-Jul-09 23:17:10

Interesting first post, doncha just hate the school holidays ?

poshwellies Tue 21-Jul-09 23:17:43

You sure it's him? lots of people have the same user names-,big world out there on the interweb.

Merrylegs Tue 21-Jul-09 23:18:58

This sounds like a 'Take A Break' story!

lilac21 Tue 21-Jul-09 23:20:02

I don't mind, I just think it's a bit weird. When I talked about being an egg donor back in the days when I was young enough to do it, he wasn't keen at all.

Can't say anything to him, cos I don't want him to know I've been googling him!

EnglishCream, I don't know what you're getting at, but since I'm a teacher, I love the school holidays!

Spidermama Tue 21-Jul-09 23:21:06

Mid life crisis?

My dh talked to an I-V specialist about just this. I did my nut and hit the roof saying I didn't want the threat of strangers turning up in my life claiming to be half sisters or brothers to my kids and wanting a piece of my DH.

I think he had some notion about spreading his fabulous seed as far and wide as he could. I swiftly disabused him of this.

TrinityRhinoHasASillyStepson Tue 21-Jul-09 23:21:10

why is it ugh?

GIvePeasAChance Tue 21-Jul-09 23:22:35

I think that is really nice. There is such a shortage of donors now..........and my friend needs some !

Just weird he didn't tell you sad Do you still get paid? Is it for money maybe?

mamas12 Tue 21-Jul-09 23:23:28

Isn't it just a euphamism for wanking??

lilac21 Tue 21-Jul-09 23:24:33

It's not weird he didn't tell me, we barely talk these days.

He's in his fifties so not everyone's first choice, perhaps. It wouldn't be for money, he has plenty.

aRLcat Tue 21-Jul-09 23:27:09

It's entirely unecessary, just another excuse for a sly wank grin didn't they (whoever 'they' are) just manage to recreate a human sperm in labs?

lilac21 Tue 21-Jul-09 23:31:14

He told me at some length a few months back that he wasn't masturbating/watching or reading porn/dating or thinking about it and I was just thinking 'ugh, TMI!'. We agreed in January that the marriage was over and I don't want to know what he is or isn't doing (but if he was committing adultery, that would be useful to know).

jonsteer Wed 19-Aug-09 03:59:04

I am a sperm donor and married. But my wife knows what I am doing and I try to involve her in whats going on just so she doesn't get the feeling I am up to no good. The question is did he create the profile before you broke up as that would question his trust in him in that, he didn't feel he could talk to you about it. I'm donating as I was extremely lucky to have my daughter so I wanted others to experiance a child. My 11 year old daughter even knows, as there is the issue of possible half sibling wanting to contact each other later in life.
In australia to donate via a clinic which I did as a gift to help couples/individuals with medical issues, you have to go through councilling sessions which require my wife to attend.
Maybe he is just using the website to pick up women so desperate they can even find a husband. At the other end there are men with breeding fetishes. I would ask him just on the issues of your children having possible family knocking on the door and saying in your half sister/brother.

makipuppy Wed 19-Aug-09 07:47:35

Spidermama, what a shame you see altruistic (the only sort there is in the UK) sperm donation as something that must be stamped out.

My baby is due this week, thanks to a sperm donor, as DP and I had to avoid a hereditary disease.

I understand you may feel threatened by a this dreadful scenario of children queueing up on your doorstep for a piece of your DH, but wonder why you can't focus instead on giving families a chance to have and love children?

OP, your husband is too old to be a sperm donor in the UK, I believe the cut-off is 45.

Jonsteer, thank you.

OrmIrian Wed 19-Aug-09 08:02:38

Well there are plenty reasons for a wank. I reckon this is quite a good one.

makipuppy Wed 19-Aug-09 09:48:40

Also, Spidermama, although I would never question your right to do your nut not want your husband to be a sperm donor, it does rub a bit that you believe a child born in this way should be needy and wanting a piece of anything. It hasn't been my experience of any of my friends who were adopted - although some of them have wanted, out of curiousity, to meet their bio parent. And sperm donation is nothing like as emotionally-weighted as adoption.

On the upside of your comment, my bathrooms are now sparkling with rechannelled resentment smile.

2rebecca Wed 19-Aug-09 10:15:25

I think being a sperm or egg donor is a big decision and one that should be agreed by both parties if you are married. The fact that he made this decision without even discussing it with you would make me angry and upset and wondering why I was "sharing" my life with this man if I were you. Not much of a partnership.

edam Wed 19-Aug-09 10:19:46

Altruistic sperm donation is a good thing, but I'd be very pissed off if dh was doing it without me knowing.

Is your ex doing it via a proper infertility clinic or just offering his seed to the WWW? Because that would be yuck yuck yuckety yuck and rather weird.

ginnny Wed 19-Aug-09 11:50:05

You've separated though!
Surely its up to him what he does with his sperm.
If he met someone else and had dc with them in the future they would be your dc's half siblings too and there would be nothing you could do about that either.
Makipuppy - Congratulations to you. A veryy good friend of mine used a sperm donor as her dh was infertile due to having leukaemia as a child. They now have 2 beautiful dc and they are as much his as if he'd fathered them himself. They even look a bit like him.

DapperDan Wed 19-Aug-09 12:00:08

I've donated too, wife knows and I was pleased to help others.

Once potential issue is that unless you donate via an HFEA registered clinic he will legally be the childrens' father. HFEA clinics usually have an upper age limit of 40 too.

Malificence Wed 19-Aug-09 13:09:07

There are going to be so many problems in the future due to half siblings meeting up and breeding without the knowledege they are even related.

I know it's probably a very unpopular view but I don't agree with donor IVF / surrogacy or anything else in that vein. Babies should not be commodities and adoption is a far better way of being altruistic.

The thought of my husband donating sperm would actually make me feel quite sick, we have one daughter and made the concious decision not to have more kids, the thought of other children running around looking like him is quite vile to me, but then he's always known that if I died, I would never have wanted him to have children with anyone else either.
If that makes me a selfish cow, fine.

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