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a mini-example of a controlling man?

(10 Posts)
cakeisgood Mon 20-Jul-09 16:02:22

There seem to be lots of threads about controlling partners and I thought I would share this mini-example, just out of interest. I may be reading too much into it but still ....

I have joined a "serious" (ie expensive and time-consuming to input all your details) internet dating site. They way it works is through staged communications ... so you can take things slowly, tell someone you're interested in starting to talk, then send some questions and ask for some back etc. Perhaps a bit convoluted but feels nice and safe.

Anyway, to get to the point, had a communication from one bloke whose first contact was to ask to skip all the guided communication, ie move straight away to chatting without having found out any more details about one another.

I thought this was fast, and chose the "no thanks, let's start with the guided option" response.

His response? to close communication, with the line "didn't think the chemistry was there."

It just struck me that here was a classic (if mild?) controlling type -

1) Tries to get you out of comfort zone from the off
2) When woman doesn't acquiese to demand, immediate response is to shut down and
3)Say "chemistry" (what chemistry?! we never communicated!) was wrong - ie there's something wrong with me.

As I say this may be overanalysing and it doesn't bother me in the slightest, but thought I'd share - it struck me as a classic way into a controlling relationship.

mrsboogie Mon 20-Jul-09 16:34:12

you might be over analysing - it was probably a case of skip all the chat and see whether he could get his leg over - for "chemistry" read "chance of an easy shag"

dittany Mon 20-Jul-09 16:38:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

potplant Mon 20-Jul-09 16:39:26

You are way over thinking this!

Perhaps he's been on there a while and the form is to skip the intro stuff and get on with the chatting? I would probably be a bit like that myself.

cakeisgood Mon 20-Jul-09 16:57:02

fair enough on the over-analysing front! would be surprised if it was someone just hoping for a quick easy shag - loads of other sites you can go to for that without bothering with all the form filling and pricey subscription. and his profile said he was new to the site. but I concede the point- have clearly been reading too many threads about controlling men!

imbored Mon 20-Jul-09 23:17:07

i have been in a controlling and abusive reltionship think this was more a bloke after a quick shag

mayorquimby Tue 21-Jul-09 10:24:47

seems like you are completely over analysing.

NicknameTaken Tue 21-Jul-09 11:25:21

Not sure if this man is controlling, but I agree with you about the shocking number of threads about emotionally abusive men. Having just left one, I've had my eyes opened to how real the problem is. So many men feel they should be the unquestioned king of the castle.

I blame the mothers myself. (Joke).

prettyfly1 Tue 21-Jul-09 11:32:39

uuurrrghh - nope this is just typical of the attitude of a lot of online daters particularly male ones who are looking for a bit of naughty chat not a serious interaction

missfitt Tue 21-Jul-09 11:35:23

he sounds like a used car salesman.

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