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Oh and I had massive row, he said he doesnt want to be with me.......

(9 Posts)
npg1 Sun 19-Jul-09 18:16:08

We are having a difficult time at the mo. OH is at business school, finishes a full time course in august and lives away all week. I am home with 2 children all day everyday.

From what he has said I am quite negative about lots of things. He has asked if 2 of his friends can stay for 2-3 weeks as they are moving but in return they help out with the children and I wont have to shop/ shop/ clean up after them etc. I expplained I wasnt happy about it and OH will be working away all week!

We ended up having a massive row thursday eve about his friends coming to stay, he came home early wednesday to see us. He said i am so negative and he doesnt want to be with me anymore if im going to be negative all the time as it's wearing him down. I really dont think he would leave us and it was probably said in the heat of the moment. I think he is very selfish and if things dont go his way he doesnt like it. He told me to use his friends coming to stay as an advantage to me!

I am now really worried about the situation, he is away and we dont really talk apart from on the phone and I dont know what to say to him as im so scared. I have now got antidepressants which I started yesterday.

There is a big possibility we will all be moving to Newcastle (currently in essex) at xmas and im worried he wont be there for me.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Sun 19-Jul-09 18:18:51

It sounds like he is throwing his toys out of the pram. You won't let his friends stay, quite legitimately if he won't even be there, and he has said he is going to leave you.

Why not ask him if he wants you to help him pack.

That will make him grow up.

npg1 Sun 19-Jul-09 18:25:29

I have tried those type of tactics before.

If things dont go his way he doesnt like it. I dont think he understands my feelings and I feel all I ever do is support him and what he wants to do.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Sun 19-Jul-09 18:27:49

Well maybe try them again and mean them?

If he doesn't do anything for you or support him maybe you would be better on your own.

fuzzywuzzy Sun 19-Jul-09 18:34:54

If you don't want his friends living in your house it's your call.
Your OH spends very little time at home, so how can he say use them staying to your advantage?

I personally could not hand over my children to people I did not know, nor could I ask friends of OH to run chores for me, I would feel impolite, and then incredibly pissed off as I would inevitably end up running round after them as well as taking care of the children and the regular household stuff.

decafgirl Sun 19-Jul-09 23:02:07

There's not a chance in hell I'd have other people staying with me who I hardly knew and were just going to add to the stress of coping with young children - the bloody cheek of him!!

Put your foot down, say no and mean it! It sounds to me like he's got quite a cushy number working away & expecting you to sort everything else out.

Tell him to bugger off! (This is a typical geordie girl attitude by the way...good luck to him if he moves up here!!)

You never know - you might be much happier without him xx

GypsyMoth Sun 19-Jul-09 23:08:13

That's such a mad request that part of me wonders if he is deliberately wanting to sabotage what's left of your relationship!!!!

pombear Sun 19-Jul-09 23:15:38

I have been in the 'you're negative' scenario. Please don't let someone else pigeon-hole you in such a role. 'Negative' often translates as 'you aren't going my way, thinking like me, doing the things I want you to when you disagree with me, I will call you 'negative''.

It's a great big tar brush they can paint you with and therefore give a great big excuse why it's just not working between you both.

I found out after I was separated that, huge revelation, I wasn't actually that negative. Just seemed to be when he was around!

This sounds deeper than just the friends-to-stay thing. I haven't got any fantastic advice, only to say look at what you're doing. Full-time carer role all week - you're doing an amazing role, and you wouldn't be able to do it if you were indeed that negative. Make sure you're taking the ADs for you, not because someone else is making you feel incapable.

There's a lot of control stuff going on here, from the sounds of things. I only hope you can retain your own control.

pombear Sun 19-Jul-09 23:19:19

Sorry, as usual, when I post rarely, I forget to add stuff to my message. So , another bit... Don't forget he's surrounded by people excited by study, away from home etc.

It's a lovely, priviledged perspective to have, when you have partner and children at home living real life.

If you still want to be with him, you both need to sit down and look at things from reality perspective, not his excitable 'positive people' perspective.

I hope it works out for you.

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