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Advice please? My father is due today...dreading it,how do I deal with situation?

(3 Posts)
up2u Sat 18-Jul-09 06:55:06

My father is due today,I am dreading it, don't know how to behave etc... we have had a very difficult childhood and most of it could have been different if he had not carried on as he did! He basically had affairs right throughout our childhood that Mum was aware of but she stuck with him until finally she had a very severe nervous breakdown and ended up a changed woman for the rest of her life until recently.Cut a long story short we lost our Mum our home and then they finally split all at the smae time....(I was 8 my brother 6)-we are now in our 30's and have both done extremely well for ourselves (A lot of this down to our self determination) dad went on to build another home and business with his new wife,all of his time went into this and not bringing us up or showing any remorse at all.He went on to bank 1 million and then retired recently and he has offered neither me or my brother anything other than neghative criticism when we f**%^k up a bit slightly in life...Question??-I have recently thought about cutting all ties as he isn;t the sort of man I could discuss any of this with, he would turn it around on me and say I was being over the top and unreasonable so over the years I have found NOBODY ever confronts this man and i have no idea why...he is quiet timid and comes across very well, you wouldn;t dream what he is capable of doing.
Anyway as a fully grown (Angry) adult how do I behave,act do I continue to see them-they only upset me really.Sometimes my children don't even know who they are when they visit...I have considered counselling but not with him,it almost is a situation I don't want resolved as I have learnt to live with it,I got rid of all my angst and can brush these feelings to the back of my mind now,but i will never forgive him for the times in life where due to all of this i have been suicidal (Not now, in my teens) and he has always carried on as if he didn't have a care in the world.....HELP I have had enough of his behaviour.Sorry its long...........

pooter Sat 18-Jul-09 07:09:20

what are you getting out of having a relationship with this man? It sounds like he only adds stress and heartache. I dont think you need have any guilt at severing ties if thats waht you want to do. I have no experience of this at all, but one of my best friends cut her 'mum' out of her life and is SO much happier. Sorry you are going through this.

lizziemun Sat 18-Jul-09 08:36:51


no advice other then suggesting that you look for the 'stately homes' here threads as their are people who have had similar problems with their parents.

They will be able to give you some good advice.

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