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Text relationships. Why?

(66 Posts)
critterjitter Fri 17-Jul-09 22:31:16

Does anyone have any thoughts on why a man may choose to text a woman (sometimes up to 50 a day coming in so fast that I can't read them quickly enough) rather than talk to her or meet her? There are sometimes long gaps between texting sessions, sometimes they are daily.

Also has frequently made plans to meet, but then pulls out at the last minute, giving various reasons. Then leaves it a while and asks to meet again.

I've obviously thought about there being another woman on the scene. But, just wondered if anyone had any other thoughts/ideas or could expand on the other woman thing.


oliviasmama Fri 17-Jul-09 22:45:01

Sounds dodgy, sounds like there could be another woman involved.

Do you know him / his background? How did you meet him?

Guard up wink

ReallyReally Fri 17-Jul-09 22:46:50

I'm confused about the word 'relationship' here

critterjitter Fri 17-Jul-09 22:49:08

Divorced, lives alone, no trace of a woman in his house. Doesn't appear to be another woman on the scene and appears to be genuine.

foxinsocks Fri 17-Jul-09 22:50:15

social anxiety

critterjitter Fri 17-Jul-09 22:50:43

Funnily enough 'relationship' is a word he uses very loosely to describe any kind of contact he has with anyone.

HecatesTwopenceworth Fri 17-Jul-09 22:51:07

I would suspect he was married or had a girlfriend. Or was just getting off on the texts with no intention of taking it further.

Or was pug-ugly, with halitosis and crabs.

I would advise anyone conducting a 'relationship' by text to be very careful. You have no idea who is really on the other end of that mobile!

HecatesTwopenceworth Fri 17-Jul-09 22:52:07

Oh, you've met him? Sorry. I assumed this was someone you hadn't met in rl yet.

TigerDrivesAgain Fri 17-Jul-09 22:52:31

sounds completely dodgy, but with unusually muscular thumbs.

could be an asset

oliviasmama Fri 17-Jul-09 22:54:05

thats hilarious tiger grin

HolyGuacamole Fri 17-Jul-09 22:54:45

Wow, sounds a bit strange. Other woman? Massively nervous? I don't know but I do think that text-y 'relationships' like this are a bit teenage-y IYSWIM.

critterjitter Fri 17-Jul-09 22:58:08

Yes, have met him. Tells me he finds me really attractive etc etc - but cancels every opportunity (that he suggests!) for us to meet.

foxinsocks Fri 17-Jul-09 23:02:35

social anxiety

or secret wife

oliviasmama Fri 17-Jul-09 23:03:29

You've actually been to his house?

Sounds strange to me....still thinking along the lines of another woman though.

What are his excuses like for not meeting?

HecatesTwopenceworth Fri 17-Jul-09 23:03:30

Perhaps he wants the fantasy and not the reality of an actual relationship?

tbh, I think in your place, I'd be saying "look, clearly this isn't working. I'm a bit old for text relationships. call me if you decide you would like to pursue an actual relationship with me."

critterjitter Fri 17-Jul-09 23:09:56

Oliviasmama. Excuses so far include family member being ill, something coming up at work etc.

Has a persistent habit of suggesting meeting up (I never do the suggesting) in say a week or two's time (usually weekends), then giving some advance warning that he might not be able to meet up (says something along the lines of that it will probably be OK, but just thought he'd warn me), then cancelling. Then long silence. Then back in contact and so on. But keeps telling me how attractive he finds me etc.

critterjitter Fri 17-Jul-09 23:13:18

And yes, have been to his house. No signs of a female presence.

aseriouslyblondemoment Sat 18-Jul-09 00:19:12

omg he sounds like an ex of mine
do yourself a favour and cut all contact and move on

SolidGoldBrass Sat 18-Jul-09 00:32:25

Has he texted with you about whether or not the relationship you are having is sexually exclusive? If not, then he is entitled to be having sex/text/dates with other women.

Under what circumstances did you go to his house, anyway? You say he uses the word 'relationship' to describe any kind of contact he has with anyone: it's hard to assess whether he is aware that you consider yourself in a relationship with him.

I woudln't bother about him over much if I were you. And I certainly wouldn't be remaining exclusive to him. If you enjoy the texting, keep on enjoying it but don't hold back from dating other men if you want to date.

oliviasmama Sat 18-Jul-09 06:47:16

Find someone else Critter, sounds like a waste of time to me. Keeps you hanging on expecting to see him so I suppose you don't plan other stuff on that day and then lets you down, loser!

Ditch him.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Sat 18-Jul-09 08:03:38

Doesn't sound like he's into you at all. Buy this month's glamour mag and read the free book you get with it - then ditch the waste of space.

ToutFucker Sat 18-Jul-09 09:32:36

dump him

how juvenile

cheerfulvicky Sat 18-Jul-09 11:57:26

I was thinking of Glamour mag too. grin The free book is called He's just not that into you or something, and is very good. The mag is 2 quid, the book is worth 8. Buy, read, digest, move on. You deserve sooo much better than him!

critterjitter Sat 18-Jul-09 16:46:57

Thanks for your replies. Have seen 'He's just not that into you'! Very good friends of mine who've heard the whole story aren't convinced its another woman (and they are the sort of friends who would be screaming it in my ears if they thought that there was!)

One thing he did indicate is that he hasn't been in contact with me (apart from texts) because he can't work ME out..............

BeastQuest Sat 18-Jul-09 16:48:50

He si married?

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