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DH's dickhead behaviour is ruining my friendships...

(14 Posts)
chablis Fri 17-Jul-09 07:46:59

DH is 95% a kind man, good father etc but every so often he does something which is just so unbelievably ill-judged and impacts me in a way which I find hard to forgive him for.

Here's the latest.

Yesterday I was meant to be picking a friend's child up from school along with my own, but DH offered to do it as he was around. He knew he had to drop off the other child - I reminded him just as he left.

He seemed quite a long time, and when he came back I asked him if all was OK, and he said the school wouldn't give him child X, as they didn't have a written note for her being picked up by another parent. The school had kept her in the after school club & phoned the parent, who was coming for her. I thought, 'what a pain' but fair enough. I then texted my friend saying sorry we hadn't managed to pick up but school seemed to have a new policy re notes.

Then last night I get a call from said parent positively ranting down the phone about just wanting the truth, and not appreciating the cover up, and just needing to know what happened, why she got called by the school so late etc. I genuinely didn't have a clue what she was going on about. She then told me that the school had phoned her saying her child hadn't been collected 20 minutes after hometime. She came out to get her, and met DH there, who said what the school wouldn't let him take said child.

Anyway, after a discussion with my eldest DD I discover that DH had FORGOTTEN to pick up other child, got half home, and then gone back to collect her, by which time the mother had been called. He then met her at the school, but rather than just admitting he had forgotten, seemed to gloss over it and imply that the school simply wouldn't let DD's friend come home with him. However the school had told my friend that DH had called to say he was on his way back, so she KNEW he had forgotten.

As he didn't tell me this he made me look like a liar, and my friend simply won't accept that I didn't know anything about it.

Late last night I got an e-mail all about needing absolute trust and honesty in friendships. I've spent a couple of years building a friendship with DD's friend's mum, and now it feels as if DH has just destroyed it.

SittingBull Fri 17-Jul-09 07:50:09

Message withdrawn

LoveBeingAMummy Fri 17-Jul-09 07:56:43

What has DH said to you?

HappyWoman Fri 17-Jul-09 07:57:09

yes he needs to be honest with her and say that it was all his fault. Surely he would do this.
Seems like he went to a lot of trouble to cover his back though hmm Why would he do that??
I also think in future do the picking up yourself and not give the responsibilty for anyone elses children.
I would be a bit cross if a friends h collected when i was expecting friend to do it.
Does you friend know your h anyway?

ComeOVeneer Fri 17-Jul-09 07:58:35

You reminded him about the other child before he left, yet he managed to forget that by the time he got to the school? hmm

RealityIsGettingMarried Fri 17-Jul-09 08:03:21

Message withdrawn

Supercherry Fri 17-Jul-09 08:05:19

That would make me so mad to be honest. There is nothing more irritating than an adult lying to cover their back, rather than just confess and save everyone even more hassle (reminds me of DP so you have my utmost sypathy). So childish.

Your DP has created the mess so tell him he has to sort it out and call your friend.

I hope your friend chooses to believe you Chablis.

Besom Fri 17-Jul-09 08:19:39

He obviously can't deal with confrontation, so ends up looking like a dishonest eejit instead. Why do people do this?

I don't really understand why your friend thinks you are implicated, though. She will hopefully see that he lied to you as well when she calms down and if your dh apologises.

chablis Fri 17-Jul-09 08:38:31

No - he isn't doing it to sabotage friendship.

Yes- I mentioned it just before he left, and he confirmed he would drop off child before going somewhere else nearby.

The only possible excuse is that the kids came out with loads of end of term bags etc and our younger child was upset about something, so DH was momentarily distracted.

We had a big argument about it yesterday evening (after friend called me) and I made him call her back and apologise. However he went into the other room and I don't know exactly what was said - he just came back and said it was 'all ok'. HOWEVER I got this e-mail all about trust and honestly AFTER his phone call, and I think my friend just thinks I was trying to cover up for him.

She does know him. And he often collects the kids, so no issue there.

He's just so bl**dy stubborn - why couldn't he just do as SittingBull suggests wight from the beginning? angry

chablis Fri 17-Jul-09 08:42:47

"I would be a bit cross if a friends h collected when i was expecting friend to do it."

Gosh - whatever for? Don't you trust your friends' DHs?

Just as another thought - I know DH worries about his memory sometimes, and it's possible he was so embarrassed he just tried to hide it?

bedjumper Fri 17-Jul-09 08:49:29

god, dont start making excuses for him!
he lied on purpose to your friend and has risked a long term friendship for you.
you need to call her and tell her you are furious with dh for lying to you and her. He has NO excuse and you are not excusing his behaviour in any way. YOu have told him how cross you are and that is why he called her to explain and apologise last night (this is where you will find out what he actually said to her and if he lied again)
If he did lie to you about what he said to her on the phone last night and was trying to cover his back again then I think its worth having a serious think about your relationship. If he can lie so blatently, knowing he is ruining your friendships and not care how upset you are then that is disgusting behaviour to be frank.
What will he be lying about next?

Supercherry Fri 17-Jul-09 08:55:12

Re: Your last comment, Chablis- only you know your DH.

Embarrassed or not, there is no excuse for lying to cover your back, especially not when he also tried to blame first the school and then made it look like you were covering for him.

Plonker. Ask him not to lie anymore because it's just silly and not very grown up and then I guess you just have to forget it and move on.

Supercherry Fri 17-Jul-09 08:56:20

Agree with bedjumper in that it does sound like you are also making excuses for him.

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy Fri 17-Jul-09 09:32:28

your DH was out of order, what a silly arse lying, did he not realise that he would get found out.

But i think your friend is being way OTT about it. If it were me, i would just not be asking you to pick up DD again but i certainly wouldn't be sending you emails about trust and honestly - sounds like a bunny boiler

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