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Advice Please

(14 Posts)
lucy1001 Thu 16-Jul-09 17:13:18


I have never posted before but could really do with some help if anyone can.

My husband has told me he no longer wants to be ina relationship with me. Apparently i have had it my way too long as i have not been working full time ( I was a uni studying, then worked and then had our son)9 I have however been working part time. Apparently, he is a mug and i make everything horrible and him miserable for as long as he can remember ( sorry it does not sound very concide at the moment!)anyway he has been funny for a week and has just told me its over on the phone before returning to work. He has always been very able to think only of himself and his feelings.
We have on DS who is nearly 2. i have a full tiem teaching job starting in September. i really don't want to stay in the house with the atmosphere that is here but really don't know what to do.
I wanted us to sort things out and have been trying to all week but now realise you can only do that if both of you work at it. I think he just thinks us splitting up will but an end to him being miserable and doesn't really consider mine or my sons emotions.
i am desperately trying to hold it together for another hour or so until my son goes to bed but i relaly don't know wtf to do?
I know i have just gone on for way to long but could really do with some help.

lucy1001 Thu 16-Jul-09 17:15:37

Just to say my gut reaction is to shove all his things in a bag and driveo his work where he has chosen to work for 16 hours today (he did not have to do this at all) and give them to him. I am desperately trying to fight this as I know it will make me looka right idiot.

placemat Thu 16-Jul-09 17:17:29

Do it.


lucy1001 Thu 16-Jul-09 17:21:42

Do you really think?

Pepa Thu 16-Jul-09 17:25:15

Don't have any experience but just wanted to say "stay strong". Do what is best for you and your son - becuase that is what your husband is doing right now....just thinking of himself.

Protect your heart and start looking at the practicalities of your new situation. I'm sure you can do this and there are plenty of wiser women than me here on MN who can offer advice from the vantage point of experience.

placemat Thu 16-Jul-09 17:26:19

Why not?

He is acting like a prick and he may as well go home to mum tonight.

kidcreoleandthecoconuts Thu 16-Jul-09 17:28:16

Don't lower yourself to his standards by doing something in a rage that you're likely to regret later on.
Do you want to try and work things out? As you seem pretty resigned to the fact that it's over.
Think about you and your DS. Think practically. Will he move out? Or does he expect you to?
On the up side you have a good job starting soon and so you will be in a much better position to go it alone without this selfish, self obsessed dick.

lou33 Thu 16-Jul-09 17:32:28

I'm with placemat

Whatever you want to do long term, it may give you both breathing space and time to think

Personally i wouldnt take him back once he had gone though

lucy1001 Thu 16-Jul-09 17:35:34

Yes have want to work things out but pretty certain he can't be arsed as it would involve an effort and possible putting someone other than himself first so he would struggle immensley !
We are expected to move out he would stay until the house has sold making it unpleasant for all.

He can be lovely but over the last few months he seems to have morphed in to a complete prick.

Agree am not going to his work as he will only paint me as a pyscho or something.

Perhaps i will go and make a voodoo doll or something

lucy1001 Thu 16-Jul-09 17:36:33

There is no way he will ever go even when i have asked, so kind of stuck

CowWatcher Thu 16-Jul-09 17:56:04

My husband & I used relate some years ago & for the sake of your child maybe you should consider it? I hasten to add we are still very happily together. Best wishes to you & good luck.

lucy1001 Thu 16-Jul-09 17:59:02

I have suggested going to relate or something similar as I personally have been saying all week that I want to make things work for the sake of our son but I don't think he will, like I say it all seems a little one sided if I am honest. I just want my son to be part of a family

CowWatcher Thu 16-Jul-09 18:09:35

I don't want to put worrying thoughts in your head that do not exist, but is he being straight with you? Is the real reason he's ending your marriage & breaking up your family what he says it is? Faced with the realities of the single life, let alone the single-parent life make most people realise that relate (or similar) is worth a try. My husband and I only got there after a month or so apart & after having both hit rock bottom. Once at the bottom, honesty is the only real option. What's the point in lies at that stage? Again, I wish you all well.

lucy1001 Thu 16-Jul-09 18:13:53

I think deep down i agree with you. I do have doubts in my mind and have asked him to be honest with me. He swears he is but I just don't kow anymore. Whenever I try to talk to him it is like talking to a brick wall. He seems completely emotionless and cold. TBh I think he sees single life as a positive as he can do what he likes ( his words) and I would be surprised if he still took an active role in our sons upbringing
so he wouldn't really be a single parent.
I really want to try something to sort it our but can't do it alone. Thanks for your advice

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