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My "d"m has potentially ruined my dd's day out! How do I make it better?

(10 Posts)
Wills Thu 19-May-05 20:41:02

I am estranged from my dm! I let the girls still see her once a week because I can't see how through that limited contact she can do harm and I feel the girls will enjoy her company. She hates them having relationships with anyone else and is intensley jealous.

My dh and I are currently working round the clock to try and get the house on the market in the next few weeks. We don't have much time at the moment to spend with them. As a treat they are going out for the day with their nanny (i.e. childminder) to Legoland. They have been planning it for days now and have been incredibly excited. My eldest wanted to stay at the nanny's overnight which I have agreed to. Today she went to my mother's after school. She's come home adament that she doesn't want to go either to stay over night or to Lego Land. My mother has told her that the nanny might make her go on rides that will make her sick.

What I want to do to my mother isn't worth writing - but what the hell do I do to restore the excitment. Do I let her stay home? Do I force her to go? I've phone the nanny and got her to assure dd1 that there was no way she had to go on any of the rides if she didn't want to. Not sure what else to do. Advice please

101StressPuppy Thu 19-May-05 20:42:42

Show her all the pictures, promisdwe she won't have to go on anything if she doesn't want. Just keep talking it up.

If you can, offer to go with her...

Really feel for you.

tortoiseshell Thu 19-May-05 20:44:17

Hi Wills, sorry things are still bad with your m. I agree - just talk it up as much as you can, with lots of reassurance that she will love it, and she won't be sick, and she won't have to go on anything she doesn't want to.

MarsLady Thu 19-May-05 20:46:55

I think you should look up the Legoland website together and talk about the things that are there and ask her what bits she's looking forward to. It's an awful thing that your m has done.

Also, could you let her know that there are no really fast rides etc there (unless it's changed in the 4 years since I was there last)?

darlingbud Thu 19-May-05 20:50:17

I would also say to dm that you are not happy with the ways this situation has gone and if things like this continue you will have to limit her access.

Katemum Thu 19-May-05 20:54:41

Just had a look at the website and you can see the rides and other attractions, show her, am sure that will get her excitement back. Does she usually enjoy her time with the nanny, if so remind her and reiterate that she will not have to do anything she doesnt want to.
Poor dd, what a thing to do to her!

Wills Thu 19-May-05 20:59:34

Its horrible isn't it. Its really turned my stomach. This is where I really really hate being a working mum. I work late on Thursday and start early on Fridays. She's due to go from school to the nannies tomorrow. I came in today at 8.00 and found dd1 still up (she's 5) with dh desperately telling her what she'd be missing. I'll tell him about the website and maybe they can look at it together tomorrow. I've also said that since its legoland that she doesn't want to do that she still go to the Nannies house to sleep tomorrow. She's not sure about this but hasn't flatly refused... yet.

KMS Fri 20-May-05 11:03:14

How under hand of your "d"m! I hope the advise so far gets her excitement about the dayback, and she had the best day ever.

I would definately talk to your mother about this event. explain to her how upset DD1 is about it all and that if she is going to upset her like this maybe it is better if she doesn't see her any more. It is enough that she has been so awful to you, but it has to stop if it is going to start effecting dd1

binkie Fri 20-May-05 11:24:55

Your poor poppet. Is it part of her personality to take frights about things? Or is this unusual for her? How sensible is your nanny?

Just focussing on your dd, and thinking about it as I would with my ds (who does take frights about things), I would go ahead with all the plans but take each step at a time and very gently - so I wouldn't try to get the excitement back, but I would have your nanny take her to Legoland & just stand inside the gate ... see if she wants to look at the models ... then see if she wants to watch other children doing x/y/z, and so on.

I know it's so disappointing and frustrating (and worse) to have someone crush a child like that. But if it were my ds I know that the right gentle and sympathetic handling would make it all fun again - but only when actually happening, not in anticipation. Does that make sense?

Cam Fri 20-May-05 11:50:51

I know your mother was wrong Wills but you could do a damage limitation thing of telling your dd that g'ma only said it because she was worried about her as she doesn't really understand rides - they didn't have them in her day,etc?

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