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"obsessive ex syndrome" - how to deal?

(5 Posts)
cestlavielife Wed 15-Jul-09 12:52:18

ok so i maybe just paranoid - but exP is at stage 4 - www.obsessive-ex.com/oex/stages.html

asking friends and people about my whereabouts, what time do i go to/from work, calling my parents etc.

he is on supervised contact with the dcs.

mutual friend says:

"your exp called me on Sunday - had me on the phone for 1 hour - a monologue but a different one. Now he says that he is going to do all he can to do his part for the children - what ever that means. I think that is very positive but he did say he would still like to make a go of 'you' as a couple..."

he has said to several people now that he sees a future for us together -

i have had no face to face contact (except at court hearing) since august 2008.... emails i try to stick to yes/no responses eg about conact arrangements or financial issues.

i have even stated clearly "there is no relationship between us other than as separated parents of our children"

he has ranted in emails about how wonderful he is "i am a good father" and forgiveness and healing and love (has attended recent alpha course) families should be together etc...solicitor had to email him to stop.

at what point do i seek restraining order/injunction? how bad does it have to get? would that just not set him off even more? can i just pass it off as harmless? what chances he moves onto stage 5?

how do i keep it aside and not let him ruin my life?

mumblechum Wed 15-Jul-09 13:07:15

I think your solicitor should write to him & threaten an injunction in 7 days unless he stops all contact except say once a week email contact to arrange to see your dc or if sols are still involved, to do everything through the solicitors.

That 7 days will give your solicitor time to get legal aid for you if appropriate and get the application for a non molestation order ready.

When the week is up, file the injunction. You are almost certainly going to be successful and the injunction can include your family members, friends etc if necessary.

If he breaches the injunction, he goes to jail.

SolidGoldBrass Wed 15-Jul-09 14:05:54

Agree with mumblechum. Also, if mutual friends try to plead his case, say 'The relationship is over and I am not interested in hearing about him.' If the friends persist, they are not mysogynistic fuckwits good friends. Are they from his Alpha course or church? Religious people very often fall into the category of enablers of domestic abusers, simply because a lot of religious people think that men are superior to women and abuse is something women should either put up with or that women should simply submit and obey men and then it wouldn't happen.
But ye, it's definitely time to start the injunction process so you have got it in place now for when he escalates.

mumblechum Wed 15-Jul-09 14:10:24

BTW if you can't get legal aid and can't afford to pay privately for an injunction, there are women's organisations who will help. I'm a family lawyer and recently one of my clients couldn't afford to pay for me to get an injunction so she did it for free (except the court fee) through a women's DV charity which I can't remember the name of now (I'm not at work today).

They prepared all the paperwork and sent it to her by post. She went along to court alone and was granted a 12 month non molestation order no problem.

CarGirl Wed 15-Jul-09 14:11:22

I remember a previous time you posted that I said his words, actiona etc are not one of someone who has repented and become a Christian.

I would visit a solicitor and start doing what you can to get a court order.

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