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Pre-marital counselling?

(6 Posts)
baiyu Mon 13-Jul-09 23:31:58

We're getting married later on this year (I hope, haven't booked anything but that's another thread) and I just wanted to find out of anyone else had tried pre-marital counselling? I know for religious weddings you'd often do this but we're just having a registry one. We're not having any problems but I'm wondering if it might be a good idea and might help problems later down the line together. We've been together 5 years and have a 14mo DS. We're both 24. Does anyone have any ideas/suggestions about this? Thank you very much smile

Alambil Mon 13-Jul-09 23:37:31

My parents used to be pre-marriage course leaders but it was a religious-based one... not sure if there are secular ones but am sure there must be.

I wonder if you can't find one, could you do your own kind of counselling; both think of all those things you feel you want to talk about, what you expect from the relationship post-marriage etc and talk about it calmly and frankly like you would if someone else was there...?

baiyu Mon 13-Jul-09 23:46:13

I like the idea of that but I'd hate it to be 'so what's wrong?'. I'd feel that anything I said might be taken as criticism if we did it on our own, but maybe that's just my fear of talking about relationship issues...all the more reason to do so! It's not that DP would jump to the wrong conclusions, I think Id just get in a muddle. Hmm. It is a good idea though! Surely if everyone did this there'd be fewer divorces...or just fewer marriages? hmm

Alambil Mon 13-Jul-09 23:54:42

well, perhaps... who knows!

I don't think it'd have to be a "what's wrong" more a "what if ...."

for instance; what if one of you lies (small and big); how do you handle it

what if you have a disagreement about kids / sex / where you live - how will you deal with it

how will we treat each other? Look at the vows - consider them wholly and fully and discuss what each one means for you individually and together

How will you handle money? Mine/yours/ours/one pot/housekeeping?

i think that's the kind of stuff my parents talked through with people, then the religious stuff on top.

You could try it, if it doesn't work, find a course? Might as well try to save the money first!

BitOfFun Tue 14-Jul-09 01:39:53

If you've been together that long and already have a child together, I'd have thought you've covered the major stuff tbh.

baiyu Tue 14-Jul-09 11:20:57

Such good ideas, thank you Lewisfan. That's a good point too BitofFun, we've just had a year of no sleep so that's probably been a fairly good relationship test!

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