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Had argument with partner Saturday night havent seen him since is it really over?

(15 Posts)
ilikeshoes Mon 13-Jul-09 19:28:52

We had some issues, sat had been a particular fustrating day, he spent over 4 hours in the gym in the morning he was just popping out for 10 minutes he was over an hour and a half, both of which really pis**d me off, but i did'nt say anything to prevent a row, then in the evening he said he was popping to his freinds to take some keys and he was gone 3 hours, i was fuming when he got back,we have a 4 year old son,We ended up having a row he said i was boring a recluse and never wanted him to do anything without him i felt that was really unfair, and told him it hurt my feelings and i felt that i make all the effoort, he said it does'nt hurt my feelings because its the truth, how nice, he left he said he will be fetching his things when he finds somewhere to live, I dont know what to think i'm devastated, sorry for the rant.

Lulumama Mon 13-Jul-09 19:34:31

sounds like he is carrying on like a single man without responsibilities rather than a man with a partner and a child

saying you are going out for 10 minutes and staying out for hours is rude

spending 4 hours in teh gym.. that's a long time

do you get the chance to spend 4 hours child free doing something>

you are not a boring recluse, you can;t just up and go out on a whim.

ilikeshoes Mon 13-Jul-09 19:43:36

I know we had many arguments over it, he goes to the gym every night after work, he knows i'm not happy about it but i did'nt want to stop him doing something he enjoyed, your right he does act like a single man he was going camping with his freinds in a couple of weeks i offered to do his food, i can put up with that but not the staying out when he says he will be 10 minutes, and not the way he hurts my feelings, i just did'nt want another failed relationship.

ilikeshoes Mon 13-Jul-09 19:44:06

and now i never get me time.x

ilikeshoes Mon 13-Jul-09 19:49:28

any one with some good advise i'm totally distraught for myself and my son, what would you do?

Lulumama Mon 13-Jul-09 20:01:53

tell him it is over

tell him why

take some time to grieve for the end of teh relationship

discuss when he will spend time with your son

i would not stand for being treated like this

you need to get through the sadness and get to teh anger, then teh acceptance

it is a process

Lulumama Mon 13-Jul-09 20:04:03

going to the gym every night and then having the cheek to tell you that you are a boring recluse....?!?

also, we get treated , to a certain extent the way we allow ourselves to be treated

you don;t want to stop him doing soemthing he enjoys..i/e going to the gym.. but going every night?? no way.

he goes off camping whilst you are at home.. do you have a family holiday planned?

god knows why he has any friends, i could not be freinds with someone who treated the motehr of their child so appalingly

ilikeshoes Mon 13-Jul-09 20:04:10

Oh right, bring on the anger then, i really did'nt want it to end.

tennisaddict Mon 13-Jul-09 20:04:36

I am sorry to say this, but the disappearing for hours on end and visits to the "gym" every night sets alarm bells ringing for me

I think you were being played and this might be the best thing that can happen

let him go

ilikeshoes Mon 13-Jul-09 20:09:54

I was'nt very nice to my previous partner he was'nt the best either, so i just thought i would try and be different this time and i genuinly dont mind him doing things, i'm quite laid back, i don't think hes cheating my last ex cheated and i new this, plus all his freinds are single so that does'nt really help, i feel like a bit of a fool now too be honest why was i so nice and tolerant, how do you find the balnce.

Scorpette Mon 13-Jul-09 20:14:26

For a start, you should point out to him that if you are a recluse, it's because you can't ever leave the house when he's going to the gym every night for ages and also says he's just popping out and then spends hours away, whilst you have to stay in and look after DS - ALONE.

It's emotional abuse. His selfishness is making you unable to have any me-time (you-time!) and then he says he finds that unappealing! What a git! Also point out that being a recluse (although you're not) is waaay better than being a rude, thoughtless wanker who wants to swan about like he's unattached and leaves you to do everything.

Sorry, but if this is the way he treats you, then I can't see a great future ahead. No-one deserves this crap. And your DS is not getting a good example of how to be a partner and a father, either.

ilikeshoes Mon 13-Jul-09 20:23:10

Thankyou i no your right, he was never like it before he has just really changed lately and i suppose i've been too soft because i am so scared of loosing him, things are hard when you love some one arent they, how the hell do you get the right balance and how do you get over someone i found it so difficult with my ex, i really just wanted things to work with him, he really does'nt think he has done anything wrong, he thinks because he does'nt go out every weekend and he pays the bills that that is enough and i suppose i've been fooled into thinking that too.

Lulumama Mon 13-Jul-09 20:25:04

he has got away with it hasn't he?

if someone walks away because you stand up for yourself, or object to their selfish behaviour, then they are not worthy of your love and respect

it has to be a two way street

ilikeshoes Mon 13-Jul-09 20:32:02

Lulumama I suppose they are not, i never looked at it like that. Thankyou

Lulumama Mon 13-Jul-09 21:29:47

stay strong, you deserve a loving, nurturing , mutually respectul relationship

which you won't find stuck at home 7 days a week, waiting for your selfish DH to be a decen t partner and father

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