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will I ever stop wanting him back??

(14 Posts)
ahhhmen Mon 13-Jul-09 16:02:33

me and my xp have been seperated for 7 months now and I still constantly think about us getting back together, will this ever end?

Dont get me wrong I'm not upset and am generally happy with my life I have a good group of friends, a half decent social life, a great ds (whos 2) I even have a good friendship with my xp. The problem is I just keep hoing one day he will tell me he wants me back.

I think the fact that we do still get on and he still flirts with me and makes it obvious he finds me attractive makes it more difficult for me to move on. Has anyone been in a similar situation, will my feelings for him just gradually get less and less?

Tanee58 Mon 13-Jul-09 17:50:02

Oh I feel for you - I felt similarly with my Exp many years ago - carried a torch for him all through my subsequent marriage on the rebound and we ARE now back together, though I have to say we have difficulties (all on his side) - and these were what caused us to split up 20 years ago. Part of me thinks that if I'd known then what I know now, I would not have been so keen to reunite, lovely as he is.

What were the reasons for you splitting up? Perhaps if you could concentrate on those, you might realise that being apart is for the best. And time is a healer. They say you need 3 months for every year of being together, to get over a broken relationship. Did he end things or did you? If he did, then he is being totally unreasonable in flirting with you still (this is what mine did, damn his big grey eyes!!!!). Perhaps avoiding his company as much as poss might help.

ahhhmen Mon 13-Jul-09 19:13:06

The reasons I'd give for us splitting up would be that he often stayed out all night after nights out and he was heavily flirting with a girl he works with, who he has been going out with for the last 5 months so obviously wasnt innocent flirting!

The reasons he would give that we split up would be that we just wernt geting on, and I'd get moody because he didnt pull his weight round the house.

He was the one who ended it in the end. Its difficult to avoid him because he has our ds at my house 2 evenings a week whilst I work, so I see him when I get home and I c him every sat when he picks ds up for his overnight stay and sunday when he drops him off.

lilacclaire Mon 13-Jul-09 19:21:14

You need to get back out on the dating saddle, it sounds like he's keeping you dangling on a string to keep his options open if it doesn't work out with this other girlfriend.
And if he was staying out all night after nights out, well draw your own conclusions!
Get a new man!!

ahhhmen Mon 13-Jul-09 19:34:10

Oh dont worry I'm under no illusion to think him staying out all night was as innocent as he always insisted it was, and I know for a fact he is quite capable of cheating because he tried to cheat on his new girlfriend with me a couple of months ago.

I do want to get back on the dating scene, but its not that easy to get out when and meet men when youve got a little one. I think this would help me get over him though.
I think he will be devestated when I meet someone new too.

tennisaddict Mon 13-Jul-09 19:58:47

but didn't you say exp has dc overnight ???

get out there girl !!

ahhhmen Mon 13-Jul-09 21:24:14

Yes your right I am lucky that I am childfree sat nights and I do try to make the most of this and arrange things with friends. All of my friends are either married or in relationships though, so the kind of nights out where I could meet a man are few and far between.

Also although I am quite excited by the prospect of dating and meeting new people, the thought of actually having sex with someone else is quite daunting. I have kissed a couple of men since splitting with xp, but they were v brief kisses because it just felt all wrong because it wasnt my xp.

tennisaddict Mon 13-Jul-09 21:28:07

it will happen in tim, when you click with someone

don't try to force it, just be friendly and open

and try not to give off "don't come near me, I am seriously petrified" vibes smile

I wish you luck, and please tell your exp to keep his flirting for where it is appropriate ie. not with you

oliviasmama Tue 14-Jul-09 04:48:49

It's early days really, you probably want him back because he's got someone else. He cheated on you FGS, why would you want him back????

Funny how we girls always think, "I think he will be devestated when I meet someone new too." grin

ahhhmen Tue 14-Jul-09 09:54:12

I know its easy to say 'why would you want him back when he's cheated on you?' I want him back because I love him, he's my best friend and he's the father of my ds, I dont have any hard evidence that he did cheat on me although I know its likely he did.

I only said he would be devestated when I meet someone new because thats what he told me, and he was devestated when he found out I stayed at a blokes house although nothing happened between us, but he dosnt beleive that.

oliviasmama Tue 14-Jul-09 10:49:13

cake, eat it, icing on top hmm, he plays you like a fiddle.

sorry to sound harsh.

oliviasmama Tue 14-Jul-09 10:53:07

Sorry - that does sound harsh. It's not as you say "easy to say why would you want him back when he's cheated on you", it's a logical thought process. Loyalty and trust?

ginnny Tue 14-Jul-09 12:09:26

In my case it took at least a year before I stopped thinking of ex p in that way and we split under very similar circumstances to you.
Just give it time - one day you will look at him and wonder what all the fuss was about.
grin

Tanee58 Tue 14-Jul-09 14:23:42

Hmm - it is totally inappropriate for him to claim he will be devastated when you meet someone new. And I'm sure his new girlfriend would be less than impressed if she knew he was talking like this.

You are well off without. He has not been your best friend. He has betrayed you and he would betray his new gf given half the chance. He is being a good father at least, and in time you will see him for what he is - a player who is still not ready to grow up and be an honest and faithful partner to anyone. This current gf will not be his last. If you aren't meeting single men on your nights out, you could try the internet (some ghastly stories, but some successes too, and at the least it would build your confidence again) - or just give yourself time. That special man will come along as long as you keep active, and out there. And you don't have to even think about sex yet - let things take their natural course and don't rush into anything heavy.

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