Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is this an odd thing to say to a child or am I super sensitive at the moment...?

(72 Posts)
TheMitsubishiWarrioress Mon 13-Jul-09 14:35:48

That as a man, the love he has for his 'woman' is supreme , because he 'chose' her as his life mate, whereas the love for a child is chemically programmed thing and as such, secondary.

That the child of the 'union' should not come between the love of the man and woman..........

Said to me both as a child on a number of occassions and recently (I am 39) and I am starting to think it is no bloody wonder I am a wee bit screwed up....

TotalChaos Mon 13-Jul-09 14:37:06

shock. I think it's absolutely dreadful.

Iklboo Mon 13-Jul-09 14:37:13

That's coming from a man. Bet the woman has a totally different point of view hmm

lighthouse Mon 13-Jul-09 14:37:15

Don't quite get what you are talking about??

squeaver Mon 13-Jul-09 14:37:35

Some loon wrote an article on this a wee while back in the Mail. Then got a right pasting on here.

Sorry, don't have time to search.

But, you're right - very very odd.

lighthouse Mon 13-Jul-09 14:38:19

No need for you to worry then?

Rubyrubyrubyislosing7lbs Mon 13-Jul-09 14:39:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OrmIrian Mon 13-Jul-09 14:40:06

It is odd and a bit sad. A child has to come first with it's parents. Who else will love someone unconditionally?

ABigIndagatio Mon 13-Jul-09 14:40:28

Agree that there is an element of truth in it - but maybe best not said to the child.

PinkTulips Mon 13-Jul-09 14:41:16

certainly not for dp... he loves me but he'd choose his kids over me any day of the week, no question.

he's said as much and i agree, the love we feel each other is one thing but the love for our kids is stronger and more important.

prettyfly1 Mon 13-Jul-09 14:41:30

......hence the reason men justify no longer loving their children enough pay for them when the relationship ends. BOLLOCKS. If you have unprotected sex you choose to make a baby and thus choose all the subsequent good and bad issues that entail. The man chooses to have said for rest of life rendering pathetic argument about love and responsibility non existent.

I saw that article and it made my blood boil. It is crap and you should never take it on board!!!

HeadFairy Mon 13-Jul-09 14:42:57

It's a very sad thing to say to a child, it was never said to my mum but she knew that was most definitely the case, with both her parents sadly. Her mother was obssessed about her husband, enough to deposit her children with relatives around the world so she and my grandfather could galivant around like a childfree couple.

lighthouse Mon 13-Jul-09 14:43:54

No truth in it, our baby girl is as important as ourselves. Anyone who says different needs to think a lil bit. Children should never feel second best.

TheMitsubishiWarrioress Mon 13-Jul-09 14:44:41

If family arguments arose and it divided mum and dad, this is what he would say.

Have been talking to him recently and he has reiterated it, he loves me, because that is what a parent does.. I find it odd....... I wouldn't say it to my DC's,

If I was bad he would say he didn't like me very much at that time, but that he loved me because he is programmed as a parent to do so. And used to draw an analogy with wolves feeding their young, that when a young wolf nuzzles the mother, she regurgitates food for her young because she is conditioned to do is not a 'choice'

TheMitsubishiWarrioress Mon 13-Jul-09 14:45:56

I didn't read the article, I know nothing about it...this is what my father said to me both through my childhood and recently.

Greensleeves Mon 13-Jul-09 14:45:58

I think it's a pretty stupid thing to tell a child

the child won't understand all the finer nuances about different kinds of love, they will just hear

"I love Mummy more than you, I chose her but I just got stuck with you"

mean and unnecessary

TheMitsubishiWarrioress Mon 13-Jul-09 14:47:27

A bit low as it is but hmm not the kind of support I was hoping for....

jumpingbeans Mon 13-Jul-09 14:47:32

I tend to go with the "a husband/wife is no relation to you whatsoever,nothing more than a close freind who you have sex with, but your children are a part of your flesh and blood" type train of thought.

Rubyrubyrubyislosing7lbs Mon 13-Jul-09 14:49:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheMitsubishiWarrioress Mon 13-Jul-09 14:49:09

(I mean from my Dad, not MN)

TheMitsubishiWarrioress Mon 13-Jul-09 14:49:52

So sorry ruby...i realised the minute I posted that it would look wrong

Rubyrubyrubyislosing7lbs Mon 13-Jul-09 14:50:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheMitsubishiWarrioress Mon 13-Jul-09 14:51:36

To reiterate.

I was a bit low anyway, and it was not the sort of thing I was hoping to hear from my father.

Oh crap, please don't be offended,

dittany Mon 13-Jul-09 14:51:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTittleMouse Mon 13-Jul-09 14:52:03

I'm shocked that the love of a child was considered secondary and even more shocked that any child would be told this.

But I also don't believe the converse. It can be easy for the children to be put first at all times and that isn't healthy for a relationship. DH and I firmly believe that maintaining a good marriage is important for us and for our DDs.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now