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encouraging a proposal!

(15 Posts)
marl Mon 13-Jul-09 10:52:04

Any tips on getting your partner to propose without having to ask for it, totally spell it out or do it yourself? I'm an independent woman and all that, but somehow haven't quite dropped my childhood romantic dream to free me up to do it myself! We've both been divorced in the past, have been together for 3 years, have a baby and he asked a couple of years ago whether marriage was important to me, to which I said yes. Low level disagreements about the baby's name was as far as I went last year, but it's my birthday coming up and I have a feeling he's making plans about what he's buying me when really I'd really rather it was a ring!

Suggestions gratefully received though I guess some of you will just say get on with it yourself and stop being old fashioned!

hobbgoblin Mon 13-Jul-09 10:53:24

Weird. You can't get someone to propose can you? hmm

tinierclanger Mon 13-Jul-09 10:54:54

You won't like this, but I would say just wait. If he wants to do it, he will. Do you want him to ask you because he wants to, or because he's been prodded into it?

I say this from experience - I didn't think DP would ever ask me, I was ok with that although thought it might be nice. Then he did, and it was a total surprise and wonderful. And he said he would never have asked if I had continually dropped hints as it would have put him off the whole idea.

bigchris Mon 13-Jul-09 10:55:59

aw, what about
mentioning it to his mate/sistrer/mum who could suggest it to him?

Overmydeadbody Mon 13-Jul-09 10:57:23

You can't make someone propose to you, or try to encourage them to.

If you want to marry him, what's wrong with just doinmg the proposing yourself?

Marriage is a waste of time anyway, why rush into it again?

Jojay Mon 13-Jul-09 11:00:15

I totally sympathise - I had to completely hassle my (now) DH into proposing to me.

I stopped being subtle in the end and just asked him why it wasn't happening. It was the only major thing we've ever rowed about, but finally we got there in the end and he proposed.

He never gave me a good reason why he didn't propose sooner than he did, ie when I wanted him to. I guess he just needed more time than me.

But nearly 4 years and 2 kids later we're both very happy.

For what it's worth, several of my friends went through this and are now happily married. We all seemd to shack up with commitment phobic men!

Maybe try to find out what his reservations are. Has his previous marriage put him off? Is it the thought of, or the cost of the wedding? ??????

But hang on in there, it'll be worth the wait.

Overmydeadbody Mon 13-Jul-09 11:00:38

Would you want him to propose knowing that he was only doing it because he had been manipulated into thinking it was what he had to do for you though?

Wouldn't you rather wait for him to do it off his own back?

MamaLazarou Mon 13-Jul-09 11:02:13

Just tell him that marriage is very important to you and ask him how he feels about it. Big romantic proposals, rings and gestures are all very well, but it's the actual marriage itself that is important - everything else is just gravy.

My DH proposed to me very casually in bed one morning after we had been talking about it for a while and he realised how important it was to me. I never had an engagement ring, my wedding ring was a few quid from the market... but we are the happiest couple we know!

Lulumama Mon 13-Jul-09 11:02:46

i do agree with OMDB

if you are both divorced, he might not want to do the whole marriage thing again...

maybe a mature adult discussion rather than hoping and tiptoeing around it

depends whether it will be a deal breaker if he does not want to get married again

hobbgoblin Mon 13-Jul-09 11:03:01

Do that naff thing that Women's Own type articles suggest and leave bridal mags lying around, preferably with pages marked according to which dress you like, wedding venue, etc.

Sure fire way for him to either whizz you down the aisle or run a mile at your bunny boilerish tendencies. You will quickly know where he stands on whether he wants to marry you or not.

You could also whine a lot: '"daaaaaaaaaarling, fluffy wuffy bunnnnnnnnnnnnyyy love, when shall we tie the knot/do the deed/will you make an honest woman off me [insert fitting cliche at leisure]?? i do wuv u vewwwy vewwwy much"

Offer bumsex, regularly?

Overmydeadbody Mon 13-Jul-09 11:09:40

Maybe the best thing to do would be to talk to him about it? Maybe he just doesn't want to get married again, or is aprehensive after his first failed marriage?

Overmydeadbody Mon 13-Jul-09 11:10:47

arf hobgoblin

OrangeFish Mon 13-Jul-09 11:17:31

Well, it is not as if you are just out of your teens, with you seeing each other once or twice a week, and a good part of time spent in guessing what's on each other mind.

You are living together, have a child together, and I suppose you take important decisions together too. This is one of those important things that you may need to talk about.

It is true that it is nice to be surprised but, you have been living as if you were married for a good while, I really don't see how he is going to suddenly pop the question if he doesn't consider it necessary. Forget about the surprise woman, just discuss what are your views on marriage. TBH having a child, it is only fair that this discussion takes place.

HolyGuacamole Mon 13-Jul-09 13:15:46

LOL hobbgoblin grin

Why would you want to lure someone into proposing? I don't get it. I agree with the people who say if he wants to do it, he will.

What about you asking him? Never mind this faffing around, you're a grown woman, get on with it!! grin

monkeyfeathers Mon 13-Jul-09 14:38:30

While discussing some boring political crap in bed this morning (aren't we an exciting couple!?!), my OH announced, 'Well, we should just get married when the Tories win the election then'. Tax issues are certainly more pragmatic than romantic, but it might be more effective (and less scary) than the 'Woman's Own' approach...

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