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Does anyone feel lonely in their marriage?

(8 Posts)
getmeoutofhere Sun 12-Jul-09 21:51:39

I@ve been married for fourteen years and known my husband for twenty one years> we have three lovely kids _ aged seven< five and three> i just feel so lonely in the marriage as i love communicating _ chatting< debating< discussing< thinking up ideas< tossing ideas around> i@d love to sit and do this with my husband (without him being there just to please me)> unfortunately he just seems to want to read his book and does not naturally seem to need conversation as i do> when i bring it up with him he makes lots of effort to sit and chat to me but the fact that i know it is not what he truly wants to do just seems to kill it for me> i feel that i@m making him sit there and chat to me when he@d rather be reading< biking< going to bed or doing anything else!

does anyone else have similar experiences with their husband?

i just feel a bit trapped and panicky as i@m only fourty and have a lot of life and marriage ahead of me yet>

23balloons Sun 12-Jul-09 21:57:53

Dh is either watching sport, playing sport (with dcs quite often), watching Top Gear or working or sleeping. So yes I definitely know where you are coming from. I have 2 dss as well so am the only female in the house. I spend a lot of time on the phone, shopping, chatting to other mothers or just watching TV or interneting in a different room - it is not ideal or what I would prefer but we seem to have gotten stuck in a rut.

I can sympathise.

getmeoutofhere Sun 12-Jul-09 22:03:08

i just feel so frustrated _ it@s amazing i haven@t noticed it so much up till now _ i guess i have actually but made lots of effort to get him to talk to me> now i just can@t be bothered anymore _ if he doesn@t want to do it of his own accord what@s the point> i just feel sad about it as i@m a really sociable person and i need communication and sometimes i think i@ve married the wrong person> i feel bad saying that as he@s a great dad and a very caring and patient husband _ he works hard and is a very hands on dad and has just spent the last ten months looking after the three kids while i do a course which is fantastic of him> i love him but feel so sad and fed up and irritated that he doesn@t love to chat or communicate as i do>

are you just going to carry on like that for years and years? or will you do something about it?

23balloons Sun 12-Jul-09 22:09:23

don't know really. ATM there is nothing i can really do. I have recently gone back to work part time after being a SAHM and I definitely don't earn enough to live on.

I don't even know if I love him any more or even care but he is the main breadwinner and we have a big mortgage and the dss adore him. I guess I just ignore it and find other people to chat to but I have never really been one to confront my feelings. Don't know if it is too late now.

getmeoutofhere Sun 12-Jul-09 22:15:43

yes _ my situation@s similar _ i@d never leave as i wouldn@t want it to affect the kids but i always felt that stuff like this wouldn@t happen to us and that we@d be close forever but now i don@t feel close to him _ it@s been a long gradual process of erosion in a way> i have lots of friends to chat to but it seems so sad that the main person in my life doesn@t truly want to sit and communitate with me> i feel as if it@s my fault in a way as i@m always really open about what a hard day i@ve had with the kids< work etc as i hate bottling things up> he probably just feels dumped on but i always feel that our nearest and dearest should know exactly where each other are coming from and that they@d be able to empathise and offer a few comforting words to help the other one out>

23balloons Sun 12-Jul-09 22:25:24

Going to bed soon so will be my last post for now but I just put it down to being male. Men don't seem to be bothered by the same things as women and don't have as much need to communicate.Dh hardly ever mentions problems at work or cares about the state of the house, or if there is no milk left etc. I just take it all on myself. I think now I am just resentful and have probably passed the stage you are at I just carry on and try not to care.

It doesn't help that we don't have family near by and hardly ever go out together and not having lived here when younger don't have frieds in common to meet up with. Sometimes I do wonder if I would have been better off staying near home and marrying a local but really we probably need to address our problems now but both seem happy enough not to bother.

getmeoutofhere Sun 12-Jul-09 22:29:24

thanks for your message _ it@s nice just to be able to chat to someone about it>

mrsmerryweather Mon 13-Jul-09 11:37:33

Yes- I feel the same- and I have just told my DH that our marriage of 25 years is over- for the same reasons.

I am gutted as I do care for him, but he cannot communicate with me on any level really- from his innermost feelings to the way of the world.

Maybe I am making a huge mistake and maybe it is just a mars/venus thing- but I was almost 30 before I married and didn't have this issue with other boyfriends.

Over the years the resentment has built up nad I am just so unhappy. I don't know where I go from here, as it will prb mean we have to sell our lovely home and i will have nothing financially, as I only work part time, but I don't know what else to do. I have really tried.

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