to summerise back issues/context
mil can be very touchy, very much expects her opinion to be accepted as the correct one eg where i should place my cooker etc-not just with me, with everyone
however, she is a fabulous grandma, loving, energetic,interested and also has been a different woman to me since i had the children, not actually showing this side of her character particularly and actually being supportive and encouraging, very much to my surprise i must add
i have tried to respond warmly to this change in our relationship, and have explicitly stated how i value her as a grandparent but also as a mother in law in this regard. she is not one to dwell on positives however....
current situation is that i have let a few things slide that are my preferences as regards dc-ds 2.11 and dd 12months as i do trust her with them, but now an issue has arisen where i feel very strongly and intend to get my rules followed-i/we are the parents and this our right and our duty
the situation is that inlaws, who are extremely local, have ds on tues 10-5 (he still sleeps 2 hours plus at lunch time so not as long as it may seem) and have started having dd 3-4.30 ish on weds. they don't work, and this situation has evolved over the years. i do value the break, especially the chance to have one-to-one time with the other, but the primary reason is for in-laws benefit, so they can build own relationship with children, children grow to know grandparents etc. what i mean is that i would be the one least likely to suffer without this arrangement if you see what i mean, inlaws and children be ones missing out
mil has daft amount of toys at her house for both dc, some passed on from sil who child mminds. last week she produced, when i was there a large box of soldier toys from sil, lots of small bits, lots of guns, tanks, camo jeeps, boats, soldier dolls etc. gave directly to ds, as sil not allowed because of ofsted. my ds is car/vehicle mad so very interested. asking what things were. mil said she would go through it later, remove broken/too tiny/too obvious guns
i said yes, we don't want them to have guns. she said they used to do that too, but no point, bil found using sticks as guns etc. i said yes, but i feel very differently about that sort of play than about guns as toys, let it drop, went home
i was angry at being put on the spot like that, but decided not to make a big deal of it at all. spoke to dh, he much less bothered but agreed not toys we want for ds. decided we say we didn't want him having anything from that box as not 'age apropriate' - box handed on from 10 yr old boy anyway. we thought this pretty tactful.
dh spoke to mil today when she came over for coffee for dd birthday. i wasn't in room. in his words 'didn't go down very well' not trusting her as a grandmother, she has been through the box already etc being silly etc
so. i intend to stick my ground. partly because i do feel strongly enough about this particular point and partly because i want her to respect both me and dh as parents.am i being silly?
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Relationships
mil and soldier toys issue-how to resolve clearly but politely
violeteyes · 12/07/2009 19:40
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