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y are men so selfish?!!!!

(50 Posts)
3kidz Sun 12-Jul-09 11:15:20

I have just had a row well a heated debate with my OH it has been brewing for weeks now so it is partly my fault as I have kept things to myself rather than talk and then it all comes tumbling out in one hit but if i do talk to him then he has this habbit of sulking and I cannot stand sulking/silent treatment it drives me insane I hate it with a passion and it is so not constructive.

So anyways loads of issues come out and all you get is ME this and I that how HE feels well what about me???????

God we just had a right old slanging match it just irritates me.

I did get accross how I felt in the end and I think it has cleared a few things to be honset it was well needed and it's not like we argue often.

Just bugs me that I do try to see things from his point of view first where as he is all me me me angry

sorry just had to get that out of my system blush


phoebeophelia Sun 12-Jul-09 11:51:46


How does one row with your OH lead to you to condemn half the population as selfish?

skihorse Sun 12-Jul-09 13:09:04

Why let things build up until you're explode in a rage? Sounds like you both need to learn to communicate more efficiently.

3kidz Sun 12-Jul-09 13:30:18

I did say if you would like to read it properly that it was half my fault for letting it build up before you jump down my throat and it wasn't a fit of rage thanks very much as for condeming half the population ok why is MY man so selfish (at times) i will go elsewhere to air my views in future and will go on other more supportive forums and will withdraw my membership!

sorry to hve bothered you all i know of another parenting forum that I know for a fact is a lot more supportive even if you don't agree with someone there are ways of putting things in a nice way maybe you could remember that in future instead of upsetting people that are already of a delicate frame of mind oh and for your info maybe part of the reason i let things build up is becuase i was in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship and this is my first relationship since my marriage years ago so perhaps part of me is scared of confrontation even tho i know deep down my OH would never hurt me - don't judge until you have been there and know all the facts.

mrsmaidamess Sun 12-Jul-09 13:32:32


And use full stops! It would make your post far more readable.

skihorse Sun 12-Jul-09 13:34:00

I wasn't condemning you - I was saying that you both need to learn to talk to each other. Is that really so fucking weird?

Alambil Sun 12-Jul-09 13:35:50

oh fgs why the histrionics when people answer?!

you said "it has been brewing for weeks now" which implies you flew into a rage instead of dealing with each aspect when it was needed. This is why you need to communicate more effectively - to avoid the brewing stage and deal with them when they're the small issues things usually start out as.

We can't possibly "know all the facts" unless you TELL US the facts, so don't berate us for only replying on the strength of what you posted.

It seems to me that you need counselling to deal with the abuse if it's still affecting you so harshly. I bet the row was over a lot of little things, rather than one enormous thing - you need help and training to deal with them whilst they are still little so that there is no explosion of emotions and massive rows (well, not many!)

Sounds like you need some time out to calm down... is there any chance for a walk in the park alone for a while?

Greensleeves Sun 12-Jul-09 13:36:13

you sound very very upset and keyed op

I think you need to be talking to your OH about all this, when you are calmer - try and do it in a non-confrontational way, so he doesn't just clench up and become defensive

could you go out for a drink/walk together and have a nice calm talk about how you are feeling?

I can't bear sulking either, my dh is a sulker and it makes me want to smash something over his head

but it is better than eruptions of violent temper - everyone has ways of showing they are pissed off, and sulking isn't as bad as some of the alternatives

the reason you got the response you did is because sexism is taken seriously on MN - it's very important that our male members feel welcome and don't have to see thread titles like yours. And those of us who have little boys don't appreciate it either.

Nothing personal though - it doesn't mean we are not supportive or that we won't listen and try to advise!!

3kidz Sun 12-Jul-09 14:06:46

it's a shame that swearing and harsh words isn't taken seriously on mumsnet aswell thats what makes me laugh wont be back now but just to clear up

I hve had counselling but things don't dissapear over night

been brewing for weeks yes because it wasn't lots of little things it was actually quite a serious thing and due to the fact that i don't suffer fits of rage i actually have pondered and thought on things for a long time before voicing my opinion it wasn't in a rage attack tho we spoke quite calmly yes it did get heated at one point but a lot of arguments do in life

no you can't know all the facts true enough well now you do and you still continue to behave in an unhelpful manner towards me so now you can ALL get stuffed


skihorse Sun 12-Jul-09 14:12:04

Well I'd say that was a fair result. Her hubby and her will now be united in bitching about the bitter slags on mn! wink

Greensleeves Sun 12-Jul-09 14:17:17

I thought my post was quite niceshock

but perhaps my standards are different

and no, swearing isn't a problem on MN, we're adults hmm

cafelattefan Sun 12-Jul-09 14:22:20

That went well grin

KIMItheThreadSlayer Sun 12-Jul-09 14:40:46

Because they have dicks so behave like dicks

Lulumama Sun 12-Jul-09 14:46:55

why do people get berated for responding to the OP, and then get told ' you don;t know the story so you are all wrong, mean beatches'

greeny, thought your response was great

OP, i think you need to calm down and not be so defensive. i imagine it makes it very dificltu for you and your H to communicate

hercules1 Sun 12-Jul-09 14:50:11

shock at op.

Mintyy Sun 12-Jul-09 14:58:40

Sorry, I know I shouldn't, but this funny little thead has actually made me laugh grin.

Seriously, though, op (if you are still reading) your reaction to the responses on your thread suggests that you are extremely stressed and tense and possibly a bit over sensitive and may I suggest illogical? When you have calmed down you might want to read the replies again and take the advice on board. Mumsnet is a supportive site but that doesn't mean that posters won't also be blunt and truthful sometimes.

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy Sun 12-Jul-09 15:07:41

i really hate men bashing, yeah there are some selfish twunts about, there are some selfish women about too.

Don't go 3kids, write this thread off, start anotehr one having a good ol rant about how your DP is a selfish prick and we will rally behind you. Seriously, just reword it and you will get some support, would hate to think of you upset over semantics

Tiredmumno1 Sun 12-Jul-09 15:08:43

If i had a magic answer i would tell you. + i think most men are arseholes including my dp at times lmao. But you know what us ladies are like we become immune to it. I also have sons it i feel sorry 4 them that they r now having to see male influences everywhere act like big babies, and remember i said most men not all. The ones that show good r the gay blokes lol they r always nice :-P

Greensleeves Sun 12-Jul-09 15:09:37

oh god there's another one

why is it OK to say "most men are arseholes"??

nasty and ignorant

GypsyMoth Sun 12-Jul-09 15:10:52

Sounds like she's flounced off to netmums for sympathy!!

Honestly, two posts and she'd judged the lot of us!!

hercules1 Sun 12-Jul-09 15:11:07

tiredmumof1 shock Your post is so wrong on so many levels.

PuzzleRocks Sun 12-Jul-09 15:11:37

I find it sad that a mother of boys would spout such nonsense.

Tiredmumno1 Sun 12-Jul-09 15:16:39

Oh come on i was trying to lighten the mood + cheer her up. Laugh u know hahahahaha thats y i put lol, i assume u understand what that means

hercules1 Sun 12-Jul-09 15:17:57

but it wasn't funny....

Tiredmumno1 Sun 12-Jul-09 15:21:40

You might not think so but oh well, sometimes ppl come on here to be cheered up, u lot shot her down, remove ur god damn corks

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