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So, how do I tell my mother she is not welcome to stay at the moment???

(17 Posts)
mosschops30 Fri 10-Jul-09 19:00:06

Any advice on how to tackle this tactfully would be great?
After a disasterous 3 nights of her staying here, which ended up with both dc's in tears and my mother sulking in the bedroom, I need a way of cancelling her visit at the beginning of auagust. She is supposed to be coming down to look after ds and dd for a week whilst CM is on hols, but it will simply be too stressful, she is the worst guest ever (i even found today she had used up all my face wipes and secretly changed the pillows we gave her with ours whilst we were out!).
Im pregnant and work all day, getting up at 6am and get home about 6.30pm. I cannot deal with anymore stress.
I have found free childcare for ds, so can anyone tell me how I raise the subject with mum?

TIA smile

louii Fri 10-Jul-09 19:02:16

Just tell her you have childcare sorted and she is not needed.

dizzydixies Fri 10-Jul-09 19:06:14

good grief, can I just point out as stressful as it is you at least have the option of childcare and the kids get to see their grandmother?

sit her down and speak to her, you're both adults and she may not realise that her behaviour is causing this much stress

if she does know then do as louii says and tell her you've made alternative arrangements

mosschops30 Fri 10-Jul-09 19:21:05

its a long standing thing dizzy, I am not depriving her of the grandchildren, she saw them this week, saw them for 4 days at the beginning of June (again staying here) and is going on holiday with dd for a week mid-august.
FWIW the rest of the time I have no help with childcare and pay CM full time.
But neither of these things are the issue, I was just answering your post.

The problem with telling her I now have the childcare sorted is that she will know its because of what went on this week, and it will cause tension. I just wish there was some way round it, because I can do without the drama

dizzydixies Fri 10-Jul-09 19:26:09

well in that case tell her you're pregnant, tired, hormonal and can't be arsed with her high maintanence help grin

no need for extra pressure on you at this time - can you not imply that your DH has made the arrangements without you knowing and that you can't get out of them?

mosschops30 Fri 10-Jul-09 19:29:05

'help' in the loosest (sp?) sense of the word grin if staying in bed until lunchtime and then watching re-runs of deal or no deal/who wants to be a millionaire/holby city all afternoon before declaring 'whats for dinner or are we going out' as I arrive home at 6.30pm!!

Unfortunately cannot use dh as an excuse, its the CM's daughter who has offered to have ds, including a sleepover for him, which is too good to miss wink

FlappyTheBat Fri 10-Jul-09 19:34:48

About a week before, tell her that you have had the

opportunity/need to take some paid leave/unpaid

leave/sick leave/whatever leave and that you are either

going way/contagious and you no longer need her to help

out with childcare grin

mosschops30 Fri 10-Jul-09 19:36:05

dd (13) will tell her hmm

FlappyTheBat Fri 10-Jul-09 19:43:04

Had a look at your profile to see what you do, do you work for the NHS?

If you do, you are entitled to take parental leave, just tell her this is what you have done.

mosschops30 Fri 10-Jul-09 19:45:12

yes I am, but dd will tell her I am not off (cannot actually justify taking off parental leave given the amount of sick/compassionate and maternity leave this year will include). My boss is extremely flexible but dont want to take the piss, especially when I actually do have childcare

FlappyTheBat Fri 10-Jul-09 19:51:05

Tell her that ds will be spending the time with a friends child, bending the truth slightly but not completely?

It is difficult, dh mentioned to his parents, whom I or my dd's have any contact with, what my holiday plans were. They are now expecting to spend a whole day with us. Doesn't sound like much, but it really is!

dizzydixies Fri 10-Jul-09 20:53:36

lordy DD's loose lips need to be bribed into submission

OrmIrian Fri 10-Jul-09 20:58:00

Invent an infestation of threadworm and headlice, and cat fleas (do you have a cat?).

Swine flu?

BiscuitStuffer Fri 10-Jul-09 21:11:30

Can you say that amazingly you have been offered free childcare and you are going to take that up but thank you so much for being such a star and offering to do it. What a brill mum you are and now then, can we get another date in the diary where you can see the kids again......and then breathe out ddeply grin.

dizzydixies Fri 10-Jul-09 21:14:08

tell her it is too good an offer to refuse and you'd rather she kept her energy for after the baby arrives grin

2rebecca Fri 10-Jul-09 22:36:22

I'd tell her now. Just say someone else has offered to help so she is free to do other stuff that week and stand your ground when she moans. You could add you don't want to do entertaining and find it easier without other people in the house at the moment.

mosschops30 Sat 11-Jul-09 10:40:09

good idea, as it stands she would be here from saturday til thursday when I would drive them back to mums (3 hours car journey) then drive them to airport friday morning ..... she would be unbearable.

Can now explain that she will have lots of time to prepare and pack for holiday and we will arrive thursday evening before mum and dd go on hols on friday smile
Also tis much easier ds going to CM daughter.

Dizzy - she WILL NOT be staying after baby comes!!!!!!!!

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