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Fuc*king sick of husband's boss and colleagues

(23 Posts)
charlotte1978 Thu 09-Jul-09 16:32:29

Urgh give my strength. I am sick and tired of my husband being home late from work. He has been hours late every night for the last 8 days. When I call him he is tapping away at his computer. His friend works at the same firm and says that he is covering for incompetent colleagues and staying late because his boss is a nasty, bitter bitch who he is afraid to stand up too.

I have had to give my longed for driving lessons because he can't get his fucking ass home on time, we have a 6 month old.

I swear to god I am this close to calling his boss and telling her to get herself a life and leave my husband alone.

He's a Finance Manager who earns £24k a year!!!! He is a degree educated accountant who should be earning £45k in the role he is doing so as far as I am concerned he doesn't earn enough to be staying late. He is covering for incompetent, illiterate fuck wit colleagues who can't be bothered to do what they are paid for and that bitch won't say anything about it.

I can't do anything because he's always late. I want to go to my Slimming World class tonight and can't now because he has the car and I can't take my daughter. I want to learn to drive, I am 31 is 2 weeks and would like a fucking driving licence and I am sick of him not being home.

That boss of his lost a child 25 years old and I personally think she is so jealous of our daughter that is why she makes his life a misery.

I hate her so much I want to punch her.

Lulumama Thu 09-Jul-09 16:35:20

you sound furious

it also sounds like you are angry at the wrong people

your husband is the one who is choosing to stay in this job, earning half what he could, and covering for incompetent colleagues, thereby choosing to make you miss driving lessons and slimming world

or the other way to look at it, is that he has a job in these very uncertain times and you need to wind your neck in a bit, as he is working, not down at the pub and it has only been for the last 8 days

if it continues, then you have more of an issue

however, it is only a few days

jesus, give the guy a break, he is working hard.

UnquietDad Thu 09-Jul-09 16:39:35

I think people will see why you are frustrated. But how does your DH feel?

A lot of men are sick and tired of being judged by their wallets, and feel they are under-performing in work but can't do anything about it (especially right now). It sounds to me as if you are angry with your DH really, not the boss-bitch, or that you are taking it out on him.

claricebeansmum Thu 09-Jul-09 16:40:18

I agree with Lulumama.

Your issue is with your DH - it is up to him to handle the situation with his boss and colleagues. There must be a reason he is prepared to earn half the market rate?

unavailable Thu 09-Jul-09 16:40:40

Gosh! I hope you feel better after your rant.

At the risk of having my head bitten off, I would suggest that some of your frustration should be directed at your husband.

Why hasnt he spoken to his boss about the situation? How do you know she even knows about it if he hasnt broached it with her?
It really isnt her responsibility to make sure your husband has a decent work/life balance if he isnt willing to do anything about it himself.

Your comments about her personal life are nasty, as I am sure you know.

charlotte1978 Thu 09-Jul-09 16:53:16

Excuse me Unavailable that woman said something VERY nasty about my baby when I was pregnant so what i have said is factual and certainly not nasty by comparison.

He has told her that he cannot work late and she has threatened him with a disciplinary.

The Senior Managers have suspended her so many times because she is a nasty bitch.

His colleagues have told me that my husband is scared of her and yet he tells me different.

I work full time and should not have to come home and feed and bath our daughter alone, clean the house, make dinner, clean that up, do the laundry and sort out the household finances, I do it alone.

He is responsible yes but I see him trying and I see her meddling and causing trouble.

spicemonster Thu 09-Jul-09 16:54:51

Sounds like a shit company - he should leave.

I don't care what she said to you about your pregnancy though, it's horrible to make snide digs at someone who's lost a child

Fimbo Thu 09-Jul-09 17:00:16

Charlotte welcome to my life. My husband either leaves late or goes in early and sometimes goes back again after the children have gone to bed. Admittedly he is not scared of his boss or to stand up for himself. On Friday he was in before 7 and home at just before 9pm. Once he went to London on a Monday saying he would be home on the Tuesday and we didn't see him again until Friday.

Unfortunately as much as it sucks (I work part-time, don't drive, an 11 year old who I have to take to and from to after school activities, sports days to attend by myself, swimming galas, as well as cleaning, bathing my ds etc etc. The list goes on and on).

But it is my husband job and I have to suck it up.

christmasmum Thu 09-Jul-09 17:01:28

Feel like I could have written the OP, my husband is also an underpaid and overworked accountant. When his boss left they gave a new title but kept his old salary, and gave him all the responsibilities of the FD. He works late all the time and his boss is constantly cocking up which my DH either has to take the blame for or try to cover up. To top it all they 've just announced a pay cut across the board of 10% until 'further notice'.

I'm also really angry at him for not being more assertive but fully appreciate he does have a job in a difficult time so has to basically suck it up. We now have a second baby on the way and I'm already stressing about how to cope with 2 on my own and then a stressed out DH when he does get in.

Not an easy situation at all and I totally sympathise. Also, don't think you were making a snide dig so much as stating a fact. And in my opinion you can make as many snide digs as you like about horrible people, just not about the fact that they lost a child!

rubyslippers Thu 09-Jul-09 17:01:57

he needs to leave

TBH working late is part and parcel of most jobs - frustrating at times but usual

My DH can be home late/away a lot

what does your DH say about it all?

He is the one in the situation - why is this making you so furious?

Lulumama Thu 09-Jul-09 17:02:54

if she is so nasty and unprofessional why is she still there?

DH is often at work 14 hours a day, works all weekends, often a 6 day week and is often out of an evening entertaining clients etc.

so i know how shit it is

but sometimes there is no altrnative

and you sound like your beef is more with this woman than the job per se

and it has only been 8 days of overtime, i have had 10 years of this

rubyslippers Thu 09-Jul-09 17:04:00

<<strokes lulu;s head>>

cheekymonk Thu 09-Jul-09 17:05:35

Try being a navy wife! No job is perfect. These are difficult times and crap job and less money and small baby can stress anyone out. Try to just hold on tight for now and be hopeful for better times around the corner.

charlotte1978 Thu 09-Jul-09 17:06:26

i'm going to be the bigger person here and say that I was wrong to say what I said about her child. It was uncalled for and pathetic.
Regardless of what she said about me and my baby I should not have said it, so I am sorry.

Lulumama Thu 09-Jul-09 17:07:15

<<cries on ruby's shoulder>>

dittany Thu 09-Jul-09 17:09:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lizzylou Thu 09-Jul-09 17:09:41

OK, you want to drive, can you have lessons a little later in the evening, so that your DH will be home?
The nights are lighter now?

I can understand your frustrations, but trust me, so many people are out of work at the moment that your DH needs to sort his own employment sitch out. His boss sounds awful, can he go to HR?

Your DH must be really frustrated and knackered too, don't be mad at him, he is working hard and doesn't need added stress.

Try and work out ways that you can get round this and make it work for you.

bleh Thu 09-Jul-09 17:13:48

It does sound like a terrible situation, but before blaming your DH, think how he must feel about this: awful boss, having to cover for incompetent people, low pay etc. etc. My DP is in a similar position and it is really sapping all his strength and undermining his confidence.

Has he spoken to someone more senior about his boss, or complained to HR (if the company has such a department)? Is he looking for other work? The job market is pretty bad at the moment, but there are some jobs out there.

Girl1980 Thu 09-Jul-09 17:35:49

It sounds like a nightmare and he needs to address it.

I have to say though that the below comment took my breath away:

"That boss of his lost a child 25 years old and I personally think she is so jealous of our daughter that is why she makes his life a misery."

I don't doubt this woman has professional issues. But if she has lost a child then I am quite sure she has greater hurts consuming her mind than the fact that you have a child.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but frankly, your comment was too. As well as presumptious, smug and hurtful- and I mean hurtful to those reading who have lost a child, not this particular woman, who probably won't be reading this.

womblingalong Thu 09-Jul-09 17:41:27

Girl1980, the OP has apologised for her comment, further on in the thread.

GetOrfMoiLand Thu 09-Jul-09 17:47:32

I know you must feel hugely frustrated but also try and imagine how your husband feels, he is working foe a cow of a boss, doing all the hours as he has been warned he could face disciplinary and is probably feeling like utter crap. To top it off you are pissed off with him.

I know it is probably a stupid comparison but at least he is at work, he could be down the pub or on the gold course like so mnay husbands.

In this day and age most people work far beyond their contracted 8 hours a day. DP works 12 hours a day and most Saturdays, I at the moment do about 10 hours plus 2 commuting per day. It is shit I agree but it is the nature of most workplaces at the moment.

I think your DP's best solution would be to work well at his current job(putting in those extra hours) and register with a recruiting agency which specialises in accountants (Michael Page, Robert Half) in order to look for another role - it sounds as if he could do with escaping from his boss.

But honestly, I would cut him some slack.

Girl1980 Thu 09-Jul-09 17:55:03

Sorry sorry. Didn't see.

thederkinsdame Sun 19-Jul-09 22:17:05

Sorry to hear you are having a crap time. TBH, I think you should seize the day and do what you want, with daughter in tow if necessary. My DH is the same and often travels, too, for weeks at a time. At least we have H's to be around some of the time, some people have no one at all. What would you do if you were a single mother with nno fam,ily around? You'd have to get on and do these things if you wanted to. (Sorry if that sounds harsh, but that's what I tell myself if I am feeling a bit resentful or neglected by DH working late!)

So, have you asked if you could take your daughter on driving lessons? I have vivid memories of my brother and I having to sit quietly in the back whilst my mum learnt to drive. i was 3 my brother was 1. Similarly, why not take her to your SW class? It's not ideal, but as she's only 6 months, she would (hopefully!) sleep through it and if she didn't most people will understand.

Don't let it gnaw away at you. i know it's not ideal, but don't let your h's work situation ruin things for you. Things will change. I am sure that a lot of people are working their bums off at present as they are scared of losing their jobs. x

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