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Texts from an unknown 'colleague'. Should I worry?

(16 Posts)
SueMunch Mon 06-Jul-09 16:13:23

It's a bit of a long story but my DH has been on a bit of a cutdown in terms of drinking lately, which has being going well.

However, on Thursday night he went to help his Dad with something, which to be honest I wasn't happy with because his Dad always seems to lead him off course and they inevitably go for a drink somewhere.

This doesn't normally bother me as I know what they are like by now but my DH went out for hours and didn't say where he would be. He did eventually sent a text me to say 'leave the back door open', which I took to mean he would be late.

He came back well after midnight and he didn't seem to be in a state so I thought nothing of it. However, when I woke up I happened to see his phone on the side and thought I'd look at it.

Now, at this point I admit I was wrong to check his texts but we are very open with each other and normally leave our phones lying around.

Alarms bells began to ring in my head straight away as there was a text from someone I had never heard of, a girl. It said something along the lines of

"In hotel room at conference in Portsmouth. Really bored. What are you up to?"

In fairness to my DH, he replied with some fairly bland things such as 'why not go to a bar' or something along those lines.

When my DH woke up I immediatly asked who she is and why she was texting him. He told me she was someone from work and was probably bored and may have sent it to a few people. He wasn't defensive about it, although he was a bit hungover.

In fact he offered to call her if I was concerned about it. I didn't of course but can't help worrrying that there is more to this than there seems.

The content was in no way sexual but it bothers me. I understand that he will have freinds at work, particularly as he is a popular guy.

Would any of you be worried if you found texts from a woman you don't know? I've sort of left this for the moment but can't help thinking I should find out more.

Overmydeadbody Mon 06-Jul-09 16:16:17

I think you are being paranoid.

The content wasn't sexual, does it really matter if he knows other women through work? Do you need to feel threatened by this?

Lulumama Mon 06-Jul-09 16:18:31

is there a history here that would lead you to feel threatened by a non sexual conversation from a female colleague?

don't blow this up into something it isn;t

he had a text from a bored colleague, who happened to be female. it was a totally banal conversation and you have no right to start snooping based on this

well done on your DH for cutting down on teh booze

posiedullardparker Mon 06-Jul-09 16:18:34

I always tell my husband that he should give the impression to female colleagues that it's his family time once he's out of the office door..... he works with young unattached people and so he should appear like the grown up.

As for your DH it's probably nothing.

Overmydeadbody Mon 06-Jul-09 16:20:07

Sorry, I ment to add, your DH's reaction makes me think you definately don't need to worry about tihs. Regardless of the women's motives, your DH isn't having an affiar, emotional or physical.

Overmydeadbody Mon 06-Jul-09 16:27:13

posie do you always tell your husband what to do then? How nice.

AnyFucker Mon 06-Jul-09 16:31:58

sue, this, on its own, does not sound like anything to worry about

posiedullardparker Mon 06-Jul-09 16:34:30

Overmydeadbody..... Have you met my husband?wink

BitOfFun Mon 06-Jul-09 16:43:41

Nowt to worry about. Seriously- this is totally different to the furtive/defensive stuff you see from some poster's partners. I wouldn't give it a second thought.

LyraSilvertongue Mon 06-Jul-09 16:48:10

I wouldn't worry about this at all.

cupofteaplease Mon 06-Jul-09 16:54:57

Nothing to worry about smile

SolidGoldBrass Mon 06-Jul-09 16:55:03

People who are up to something are far more cagey. DOn;t give it another thought.

CountessDracula Mon 06-Jul-09 18:54:46

Does he not have keys?
DH would certainly not expect me to go to bed with the back door open!

I thnk it sounds innocent tbh

SueMunch Tue 07-Jul-09 10:31:33

Many thanks for all your replies on this.

I can see now that his reaction to this says everything. He did offer to rng her up and get her to speak to me which shows that he has nothing to hide.

Also, I suppose the nature of the texts would have been different if something was going on.

I wasn't going to mention this but my DH has told me that he has told this woman not to text him anymore and it has been met with a pretty strong reaction.

She was quite angry at the idea that she was somehow being accused of something by me, which I guess is understandable. She has now stopped ansering his emails and apparently she has deleted him on facebook.

I feel really bad now as my snooping has led to him losing a friend. It makes me look like a needy paranoid cow.

SusieDerkins Tue 07-Jul-09 10:39:05

Don't feel too bad Sue. She's probably being a bit arsey because she's embarrassed. If your dh thought her texts were completely harmless and that she wasn't interested in him at all then he wouldn't have said anything to her. Perhaps your comments gave him something to think about.

HappyWoman Tue 07-Jul-09 10:41:57

as long as he is not making you feel bad about it - if it upset you then surely that should have been enough for him to want to stop it.

Surely if she was a real friend she would not have taken such offence at being told to stop 'texting'.

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