With myself - fed up with feeling fed up

[101StressPuppy]

That's it really I am so sick of feeling one minor event away from breaking point. I'm not depressed I can get up in the mornings, I don't cry often, I sleep well, I eat well but I always feel like I'm at breaking point.

There's no way out am I destined to live my life feeling completely strung out?

[TracyK]

Could you sit down and write a list of your probs - to see it in black and white.
Life coaching?
Relaxation/yoga classes?

[MeerkatsUnite]

Hi,

No, you are not destined to spend the rest of your life feeling completely strung out but the initial work for change is going to have to come from within you.

Have you spoken to your GP about how you feel?. You may not be depressed (you say you are not) but from what you write you are certainly feeling down about things and describe yourself as being at breaking point. For those reasons I would suggest a visit to your GP. What has caused you to feel the way you do, these issues need to be confronted.

We all seemingly have to give the impression that we can cope regardless of circumstances; to my mind this approach can hide underlying depressive problems and make things far worse.

I wish you well

[101StressPuppy]

I know what I feel contributes to the feeling, a new role at work, more responsibilitie, feeling like I have to prove myself, insecurities about my relationship, this desire to be the best at everything (try and ignore it but it's always there and so I always feel like I'm letting myself down), stress within my close freindship group, my dd's father who just revels in being a complete prat, being absolutely skint, not being able to lose weight and so not being as skinny as a.n.other, not being able to afford to get my little girl a pair of new shoes, having to borrow money from my parents (for said new shoes) and so being seen as a failure, being a single mum, feeling drained all the time, my house being a mess, my bedroom being a pigsty, my ironing pile, my washing pile, the fact that my bathroom lightswitch has been broken for 3 months, my living room is half stripped of wallpaper. Jeez I've just realised my problem, I'm a superficial freak aren't I. Why do these insignificant things bother me so much, I try and put them in perspective but that just makes it worse. I've not been to my GP, he'd laugh at me if I said all that!

[TracyK]

why don't you sit down and write a list of these things. Then tackle them one at a time - each weekend till the end of the year??
I know I've got so much to do I don't know where to start - but if you have a list to work your way through - you can forget about all the other items till their turn comes up??

[flum]

kinda know what you mean. I think some people are sort of wired like that though.

My mum is always like ' I've got soooooo much to do, I never get a chance to relax' ,I think - what? what have you GOT to do? and actually she really achieves very little, has no hobbies etc.

My MIL DOES loads, cooks all the time, house always beautiful but she always seems really chilled out.

[flum]

You aren't superficial , but likewise they aren't insignificant. Try not to be so hard on yourself though.

Tracy K is right do one thing at a time. thats all.

I'll lose weight with you if you like! Thinking of starting the GI thing. Or would that just be something else to worry about.....

[dropinthe]

101-YOU ARE ME! In EVERY way-everything you have said, I am feeling-every last thing except I have sons and a dh who is daddy but no longer my lover! Yes,these things aren't that important in the grand scheme of things but these are the things that get me down-make me feel like my life will never be whole,fufilling,complete-I wish I had a life coach!
So......................I know how you feel honey-if you get any answers,please share!

[101StressPuppy]

I'll give it a go flum. I tried GI once before but just found it a bit complicated - perhaps doing it with someone else (oh er) might help!

The thing that really gets me is (and I realise in my logical mind some of the list was ridiculous)...

I am not overweight, I have a 'womenly' figure so to speak and dp is always full of compliments.

This time last year I was working full-time ridiculous hours, doing a full-time degree and getting to the gym every weekday.

I sometimes wonder if I am searching on the outide for a solution to a problem that runs much deeper? and so I will never feel satisfied/fulfilled/adequate etc

[101StressPuppy]

dropinthe

So I'm not a completel freak then?

These are the sort of things I could NEVER bring myself to admit to anybody in RL

[dropinthe]

Well I could admit a few but yes, I agree, most of these feelings I internalise which isnt good for me. For example,am going to Turkey in 8 weeks time with two sister in laws who are tall,pretty and thin-I'm short,bloated with really grotesque stretch marks and am thinking that dh is just going to go right off me for good,(if he hasnt already from lack of sex)-how am I supposed to walk around half naked for 2 weeks feeling so damn insecure?-but do I excercise?No-do I diet? No-do I do anything but moan about the problem to my friends? No-the only good thing I managed to do for myself was stop smoking two and a half months ago.
My mind tells me to buck my ideas up and get off my backside and do something but I am too darn tired to do anything about it-I just feel like Ive failed myself whilst trying to be a good Mum.
Sorry,Ive hijacked your thread-its not about me-I shouldnt have posted!

[natts]

you sound just like me, it sounds like things have got on top of you, depression manifests itself in many different ways and they are't always the same as everyone elses.I suffer with D and i hardly ever cry. infact I noticed that a month or so into my AD's that i was crying at the most ridiculous things, but the release of tension was great. I am trying to cope with out the tablets(stupid some might say) and i've noticed that my emotions are locked away again. i have done something however which i hope will be a little help to you.
I plan things and try to stick to them. I find that i have lost the abilty to plan and organize anything,from getting the washing on- decideing what we are all going to eat tonight. so now i try to plan the meals a day ahead,make myself aim to put 1 load of washing on,tidy or clean or hoover one room in the house e.t.c.
I'm sure you've got the idea. when I force myself to do just one thing i often find that I am spurred on to do a little more. the feeling of acheiving these few things every day make me feel less stressed. I also feel like one little thing could trigger me in to feeling my heads going to explode. I think it wouldn't hurt you to go to your gps and talk thing over. good luck

[MeerkatsUnite]

Hi 101Stresspuppy,

This comment that you wrote also made me think some more:-

I sometimes wonder if I am searching on the outide for a solution to a problem that runs much deeper?

I would have to say yes. Always feeling you have to prove myself (would also ask who else are you seeking approval from?) and the desire to be the best at everything are making you feel the way you do. This is a deep rooted problem - would ask if your childhood was full of people who were self critical of your good self saying things like, "well you got a B" (but implying you should have got an A that sort of thing). If this is indeed the case then counselling to talk this all through with someone impartial may well help you. I don't think your GP would laugh at all tbh; I think he would feel pleased that you were able to talk to him about your problems.

Seek out new friends if your current ones are giving you more stress. Doing small things can make a big difference over time like getting things finished (the ironing pile, the half finished room).

This is not insurmountable but you're going to have to be brave and make the first step on your own. This can be overcome, there is always a way out!!.

[natts]

oh and by the way i'm enormous and i'm getting married in sept and can't stop shoving food in my mouth at every given oppotunity, which is so frustrating. what is the diet you are talking about?

[101StressPuppy]

dropinthe - I'm glad you've posted, don't stop. I know exactly how you feel and it's strangely helpful to relate to somebody else.

Of course there are other things that add to my state of mind, I do feel like the edge is 2 inches from my toes and any minute now somebody is going to say something loudly behind me, I'm going to jump and whaddyaknow, I'm over the edge. The list would be endless and I guess I'd have to prioritise

natts - I am actually to emabarrassed to call my gp (I think) I just think I'd get there and then make something up about having a headache (or something) I've had many blood tests before now to test for glandula (sp?) fever but all have coem back negative.

The point you raise about crying in interesting. I really do NEVER cry, sometimes when I'm cross or tired or angry I feel like crying, I want to cry but it just doesn't happen!! then on the otherhand I will sob uncontrollably at a sad film and I litrally can not stop myself.

I remember crying from about half way through thte green mile (years ago now) and then dp who is again dp got awfully concerned asking me what was wrong - telling me that nobody cries that much at a film and there must be something else wrong etc

I remember never crying much. I remember once when I was about 15-ish my dad made me cry, I literally broke down then. I remember everyone looking really suprised and not really knowing what to do and then me legging it to my room (as you do at 15). Then again when I was about 20, I turned up at my friends house after being dumped by a bloke I'd seen a few time and a particularly rubbish day (didn't even like him that much) walked into her flat and just burst in to tears. she just looked at me informed me that she didn't know what to do because I don't cry and just passed me a cigarette (known her since about 13 and she'd never seen me cry)

That is how often I cry, that I can remeber cry twice in front of people (with the exception of films, I can remember crying in front of two seperate people one of which was teh green mile episode)

[101StressPuppy]

Meerkats, it is my logical/sensible brain that sees these insecurities must be developed from something much deeper.

I have always felt like I let my parents down and that they are disappointed in me (although I don't think they've ever said it out loud). They don't make me feel inadequate anymore but I did feel that frowing up (perhaps just teenage angst - I don't know.

I do recognise that I have always been incredibly shy although you wouldn't know it now but more so I've always carried with me this incredible fear of being 'left'.

When I was a young child (probably from 5 or 6 onwards) I used to panic that my parents would leave in the night and not come back, now it manifests itself in other ways I think (if I'm being honest)

[101StressPuppy]

Everyone I know says I over analyse things. I just don't let things go, I'm always asking questions wanting to know everything.

[flum]

The fear of being left is very common in adults. As with most things it can usually be tracked backt to childhood. Ie first day of school, blah blah, unfortunately kids have to go to school hence the reason why SO many adults have this fear.

I learnt that on the Forum. A useful weekend seminar which makes you look (very deeply) into your reasons and motivations for the way you behave. It is not for the faint hearted but can give you a renewed vigour for life that lasts a while (about 6 months for me).