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Erectile Dysfunction, advice please

(12 Posts)
Elonline Mon 06-Jul-09 09:43:07

Posted below in sex with nm thread. Turns out that his ex wasn't particularly good to him on the sex front and it appears to have led to this. I am very, very happy with nm in every other aspect of our relationship, he really is wonderful. Has anyone else been in this situation? Any advice would be welcome.

aRLcat Mon 06-Jul-09 09:56:26

El, the info you've given is quite vague but most issues surrounding erection problems can be resolved over time.

I find it hard to advise without understanding the cause, did his ex cause him to feel emasculated, for example? If so, I have found that problems can often run deeper and beyond sexual issues alone.

Regardless, it will take patience and support on your behalf and effort and selflesness on his part too.

Elonline Mon 06-Jul-09 10:10:27

Thank you for your reply. It seems that ex wasn't interested in sex at all so would happen very, very infrequently.

aRLcat Mon 06-Jul-09 13:30:27

If he has understanding and an ability to communicate regarding the real causes of his problem then it bodes well for the future.

Lots of time doing everything but intercourse can help in taking the pressure off while still displaying intimacy and in time his body and mind will probably respond to the erotic but comfortable space you create.

Best of luck, it sounds like you have something realy nice between you smile

Elonline Mon 06-Jul-09 16:19:45

He is very open and honest about it, which as you say is good. I guess patience and communication are the key to this. Thanks for your replies.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Mon 06-Jul-09 19:20:02

I wouldn't start throwing around ED when you have only been to bed with him once.

First night nerves quite possibly.

BrokenFlipFlop Mon 06-Jul-09 19:42:35

What about his general health ie it seems that there are so many other things that can cause this to happen.

As Fab said, it could simply have been nerves or it may well be related to a health issue or even medication that he is on.

If he is unable to get/maintain an erection when he's on his own (IYKWIM) then I would probably suggest that he sees his GP. Otherwise, I would imagine that time and communication will help.

I wouldn't necessarily assume that its all related to what he went through with his ex.

Elonline Tue 07-Jul-09 07:45:03

His general health appears to be good. He has told me that this is an ongoing problem, so his diagnosis not mine, although as you say first time with someone new wouldn't have helped.

ABetaDad Tue 07-Jul-09 08:38:58

I would guess he hs been worrying himself sick over this i this was your first time. Probem is once a man starts worryng that he is not going to perform then he will inevitably not perform. Its a viscious circle.

Assuming the problem is psychological and not physical, the trick is to take the pressure right off him by just telling him it is OK not to not perform with you. Tell him he does not need to get an erection at all and that he can give you pleasure by other means and just enjoy kissing, cuddling and touching from you without any pressure.

The thing is once he feels he does not have to but can see he really can bring you enjoyment and that you love him and not judging him - it will happen. Once he has got over the hill his confidence will return and all will be well.

While men tend to have a higher sex drive than women and tend to want sex more often, men are not machines - even if they think they could/should be able to do it anywhere any time.

Emotions are very very important in male sexual performance - feeling loved and respected and desired is crucial. Just like women really.

Elonline Tue 07-Jul-09 15:47:29

ABetaDad, thank you so much for the male pov, that is really useful information.

I really believe it is a psychological problem and not physical so I am going to take your advice and talk to him about there being no pressure or rush.

Toadinthehole Sat 11-Jul-09 21:07:04

Another man here: just to second ABetaDad's excellent post.

elonline Mon 20-Jul-09 16:04:32

Thank you all for your advice. Abetadad, you were so right grin.

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