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Just had dd2 (10weeks) and beloved Granny is dying - I feel so torn and confused

(4 Posts)
Sunflower100 Sun 05-Jul-09 17:08:26

and sad and guilty....DD2 is wonderful as is dd1. I generally feel as though Im coping OK with the new addition with the odd meltdown moment. I had antenatal depression so do worry about the blackcloud coming back but so far so good.
I found out 2 weeks ago that my wonderful, beloved Granny has terminal cancer. My mum is closely involved with helping her make decisions about treatment and looking after her. I have tried to go and visit (Granny and Mum are 2 hours away) as much as I can to support both of them and to see Granny.
I am generally OK and cope when dds are up but am so sad and also do not have the help and support of my Mum as I did with dd1 (I couldn't ask her to help me as she is so upset herself and her energies are focussed on Granny).
If Im honest I don't really feel as though I have the reserves to look after Mum and Granny, although I have said I will, as I feel I need to focus on DD2 and DD1. But I feel so guilty for this. My Granny has done so much for me and I so want to help her. Also, and this is completely bonkers I feel guilt for having another child and being happy about it. (I find dd2 wonderful (as is dd1-) as though this has caused her illness (like some sort of one in one out system).
Sorry for the general moan, I guess Im just feeling sorry for myself and torn about what to do. Anyone?

mrsboogie Sun 05-Jul-09 18:54:03

Oh you sound all hormonal and emotional - poor you. Do not feel guilty about being happy about your new daughter -old people get sick and babies are born - that is the natural order of things and I am sure that your lovely granny would not want you to feel guilty. Anyway, the important thing is that you look after yourself and your babies - your gran has your mum and the medical profession to help her. Your babies only have you. No-one would want you to do anything but focus on your new baby and your other DD.

Just take it one day at a time and in a few weeks it might be easier to get a visit sorted. Why not write to your gran and tell her how much she means to you and send some photos of the new addition? I'm sure that would give her morale a boost.

junglist1 Sun 05-Jul-09 19:11:57

Don't feel guilty, your Granny understands, you are visiting and showing you care, that's what counts. mrsboogie's idea is a lovely one.

Sunflower100 Sun 05-Jul-09 20:58:37

Thanks, that is a lovely suggestion MrsB. I will do that. i've just spoken to Mum and she sounds so distraught. I'm going to go and visit again this weekend and take dd2, as she is very portable at this stage and accommodating. DD1 will have a better time at home with DH. Thanks again for answeringI guess Im just very emotional.

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