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Need some help dealing with an Eeyore.

(22 Posts)
RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion Fri 03-Jul-09 11:27:55

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RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion Fri 03-Jul-09 11:38:06

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procrastinatingparent Fri 03-Jul-09 11:41:52

I know someone like this - friend not relative though so more easily avoided.

Can you tell her you are worried for her because she seems to be so depressed all the time? If she denies it you can explain what has led you to that conclusion - constant negative attitude to everything.

She doesn't sound depressed to me but that might be the kindest way in to telling her she is a moany cow. grin

emeraldgirl1 Fri 03-Jul-09 11:43:03

Wow... she sounds a bit of a nightmare RIMOD, I have to say!!

I do know people a little bit like this, though not quite as bad as she sounds. I however am a total wimpissimo, and would rather never say a single word to anyone about how they were behaving even if it was REALLY pissing me off (though I might snap one day and let it all come flooding out!) I have sat there and said nothing when a friend complained all about how hard her life is when I have been going through genuinely real problems, and said nothing.

Having said that, my advice to you would be to try to alter this situation if you can. I mean, she is your DH's twin's partner, it isn't possible to cut her out of your life. And it sounds like you would actually like to feel better disposed towards her.

Can you speak to your DP and see if he can approach his twin? Saying he and you are just a little concerned about her, that she seems depressed, that it's coming from a place of love etc?

Or can you try a similar thing with her? Not say what you really think (stop fucking moaning, for the love of God!!!) but something a bit gentler about how you're a bit concerned, you think her life seems good but she doesn't seem too...?

EccentricaGallumbits Fri 03-Jul-09 11:43:16

ignore the crap and be extra over enthusiastic about the fabulous things in your life?

draining though.

BrokkenHarted Fri 03-Jul-09 11:44:00

Just tell her. She wont realise how she comes off to other people.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion Fri 03-Jul-09 11:45:26

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2rebecca Fri 03-Jul-09 11:45:55

Why not be honest with her and tell her you find her constant moaning emotionally draining. Other people probably keep away from her for the same reason as being with pessimistic miserable people does make you miserable. Suggest she goes for cognitive therapy to help her look at life more positively, and break her habit of constantly moaning.
Realising this may make her look at how she behaves. If she is upset by your comment then fair enough, you're not wanting to see alot of her anyway. I certainly wouldn't go back to just being moaned at all the time. You don't have to spend time with her just because your husband's brother decided to marry her.

CarGirl Fri 03-Jul-09 11:47:41

she sounds very very depressed, perhaps you could try and mention PND to her (even though it would seem she has always been depressed)?

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion Fri 03-Jul-09 11:50:51

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slug Fri 03-Jul-09 11:53:27

Only Happy When it Rains (by Garbage)

I'm only happy when it rains
I'm only happy when it's complicated
And though I know you can't appreciate it
I'm only happy when it rains
You know I love it when the news is bad
Why it feels so good to feel so sad
I'm only happy when it rains

Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me
Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me

I'm only happy when it rains
I feel good when things are going wrong
I only listen to the sad, sad songs
I'm only happy when it rains

I only smile in the dark
My only comfort is the night gone black
I didn't accidentally tell you that
I'm only happy when it rains
You'll get the message by the time I'm through
When I complain about me and you
I'm only happy when it rains

Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me
Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me
Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me
Pour your misery down
You can keep me company
As long as you don't care

I'm only happy when it rains
You wanna hear about my new obsession?
I'm riding high upon a deep depression
I'm only happy when it rains

Pour some misery down on me
I'm only happy when it rains...

Hum it to yourself while talking the her.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion Fri 03-Jul-09 11:57:37

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ridingjoker Fri 03-Jul-09 12:08:04

she wont get the hint behind the song. she'll moan about it. grin

tis nothing you can do with eeyore characters i'm afraid. these type of people are just like this.

when i am forced to spend time with them due to functions. i try and be cheery. then when i get drunk i am known to pinch their cheeks going "smile, i dare you", while laughing like i'm hilarious.

yes, i can be very annoying i think. but its fun, and sometimes they do actually smile and realise they're being a mardy cow.

notamumyetbutoneday Fri 03-Jul-09 13:11:32

If she starts moaning when you see her next week, could you lightly/jokingly say something like "ooh, i was in such a good mood before i came over here and now you've got me all depressed!".

It may come across as a tad me me me but to be honest I think this is the kind of thing you can get away with when you are newly engaged! Could you also try and guilt trip her into cheering up by talking about how much you are looking forward to being SILs 'officially' and cementing your bond, etc etc? <boak>

FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 03-Jul-09 13:17:40

<Deep breath>

I am sure people say this about me. sad

Being happy scares me. Whenever I have been happy it has been taken away from me so it scares me when I do feel happy and I can't just enjoy the feeling. It makes me panicky.

I would meet up with her and have an open mind but ask leading questions to see where you get. She could be depressed, worried about something, enjoy the attention or any number of things.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion Fri 03-Jul-09 13:38:45

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FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 03-Jul-09 13:39:55

You haven't upset me. Jut trying to put a different slant on it.

Ignore me. Having a tough day.

Terpsichore Fri 03-Jul-09 13:51:10

Reality, I too know someone exactly like this and boy, is it exhausting, so you have my sympathies. A tip I gleaned from a friend who's a psychotherapist is that it's easy to be dragged down by all the negativity - you have to stay positive and focussed on all the good things in your life, and don't shoulder their burden too. It's very hard not to, I know. But it's worth remembering. You have to protect yourself against the tide of doom! sad

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion Fri 03-Jul-09 20:25:28

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FabBakerGirlIsBack Fri 03-Jul-09 20:47:01

Tis harder to live with it..

You maybe need a new angle and to talk to her about it.

CarGirl Fri 03-Jul-09 21:00:15

She sounds like she needs therapy.

Are you brave enough to point out to her that nothing WILL make her happy she has to learn to be happy for herself. I do not say that lightly I used to have severe long term depression.

It does take a while to get used to being happy now that I am no longer depressed.

SolidGoldBrass Fri 03-Jul-09 21:06:39

I'd be ever so tempted to just take the piss out of her relentlessly. I have had one or two moany acquaintances that I have done this with . 'Ooh, hello [whinyarse] we were just talking about you. About what an inspiration you are to us all with your wonderful positive thinking. No, honestly, you're like a little ray of sunshine in our bleak, bitter lives. I don't know how you do it...'

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