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Just as I'm about to move 300 miles away he has changed his mind!!! Opinions please?

(6 Posts)
mummytowillow Thu 02-Jul-09 21:57:06

Some of you may have read my previous posts, four months ago my husband of 6 years decided he no longer wanted me and his 2 year old daughter, he had an emotional affair after I had PND and he decided our marriage couldn't be saved? sad

So, we have rented our house, I've packed it all up and move my stuff to my parents house 300 miles away next week, we (me and DD) will live with them for the time being until I get myself sorted out. I've given up my well paid job, left my friends and wonderful colleagues behind and a lovely house and actually feel OK about it all now as I've got my head around it!

However, I think he has changed his mind!! shock I've lost weight, have been going out, look quite good, have stopped crying, asking him to change his mind, been nice to him and stopped nagging so all in all we have been getting on quite well, especially as we have had to live in the same house!!

He has been complimenting me all the time, asked me for a shag the other day shock (were in separate bedrooms, I didn't by the way), he asked me if I still love him and fancy him (I do) and now he has decided he can't bear to be away from our daughter (understandable) and is going to move to be nearer to us and change Police forces? I am really happy with this as I want him desperately to be part of our daughters life and see her everyday, BUT he is making rumblings about us getting back together! WTF .... he could have stopped all this happening four months ago when I asked him to go to Relate and he refused!!

So my question is, what is he playing at and can you ever go back?? Part of me thinks we should try again, but then part of me thinks I might actually like being just the two of us, in a little house, part time job, just me, her and a cat!! Or is that selfish?

Dior Thu 02-Jul-09 21:59:37

Difficult. I think you are entitled to take a few months to make up your mind. He did. Don't rush into anything.

Milliemuffin Thu 02-Jul-09 22:05:40

Its very easy to say that this is what I'd do as I'm not the one making the decision, if you see what i mean, but... I would without a doubt give it another go. You love eachother, you fancy eachother and for the sake of your DD whats better than giving it another go and hopefully you all living together happy ever after! If you give it a couple of months / a year and you decide its not for you then by all means move in with your mum but it sounds to me like your heart just isnt in it... not yet anyway. At least that way you'll know for sure. Do you really wanna spend the next year or so thinking I miss him, have I done the right thing? It wont be easy but I'm sure you know that. Best of luck xx

HolyGuacamole Thu 02-Jul-09 22:18:53

Hmmm....I'm not sure.

Seems you have made a lot of changes in your life and he might be thinking of what he is missing....or that some other guy might get some of what he is missing. I mean that in the nicest of ways. One of my guy pals is a the most messed up psychologist you ever met and in the past has split up with his partner on many occasions. On the last occasion, he decided that he seen how independent she could be without him and that was what made him realise she was 'the one', he saw how strong she was and that she could actually survive without him. They have now been married a few years and seem happy.

I don't know though, it could be for selfish reasons that your DH has suddenly changed his mind or is it for real reasons? That he really and truly has had his eyes opened? If I were you I wouldn't fall for the former because maybe in 6 months time you could be back to square one.

Agree with Dior, don't rush at all, take your time and continue to live your life in a way that makes you happy. Keep focusing on yourself and see how it goes. Never say never.....but.....don't be making it easy for him either. Once bitten etc......

Milliemuffin Thu 02-Jul-09 22:30:38

Part of me does agree with what the others are saying, its a difficult one. We don't know him, you do so only you can decide. If everything is packed up then maybe some time apart is just what you need to get your head straight and then see how you feel...

Just dont give up on him too easily, men and PND dont mix, some cope and some don't...

Jux Thu 02-Jul-09 22:53:24

Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

I would go ahead with your plans tbh, and go forward cautiously. The sound of just you, dd and a cat sounds pretty wonderful to me. The alternative is you, dd, a cat, and a man who might change his mind again...

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