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How do I help my mum?

(10 Posts)
iheartginashoes Tue 30-Jun-09 16:15:57

Not sure whether this is the right topic, or if indeed I can help her but I just need to write it down because there isnt anyone I can really talk to.. dp tells me I should mind my own business... perhaps he's right?

My mum has always battled with her weight (and depression, and under active thyroid). She was seriously overweight - think sizee 32, so at the begining of 2008 joined ww, as she knew that not only was being this size limiting her lifestlye, it was going to cut short her life if she didnt sort it out.

She did really well, loosing 7 stone in a year, and getting down to a size 20. TBH perhaps she did too well, and was almost obsessed with her weight, some days eating less than 600 calories.

We all went on holiday at begining of April, all inclusive, but she was determined that she was going to swim every day, and eat sensibly, unfortunately she didnt, and at times she was going back for seconds/thirds of every course sad

When we got back from holiday I hoped that she would get back on to it, but she didnt, she stopped going to WW, saying that she could manage better at home herself, but it never actually happened, 1 week off the diet turned into 1 month which has turned into 3 months. She occasionally starts again, agin limiting herself to a ridiculously low amount of calories, but it never lasts.

I'm getting married towards the end of the year, and she was determined that she was going to be a size 16, but if things carry on the way they are she'll back to a 30 sad

I desperately want to talk to her about it, to try and encourage her to get back onto the diet (sensibly) but I know that as soon as I mention it she'll get all defensive, say that she cant do it, and get really upset. She'll probably turn it round to say that I too am killing myself as I smoke about 5 a day sad

I really dont know what to do, I was and am so proud of her - the difference to her life has been unbelievable - she struggled to put her own shoes on before, had to ask for a seat belt extenstion on planes and couldnt walk more than 100 yards without getting out of breath, but since she lost the weight she could do all these things and more. I want to help her, but I cant, and I'm frightened that she's not going to be around to see her grandson grow up. He's 2, and I worried before that she wouldnt be able to catch him if he ran off blush

Any advice would be greatly appreciate.

charlotte1978 Tue 30-Jun-09 16:32:06

Hi

I appreciate you love and care for more your mum but I agree with your DP. I would back off. I mean that in the nicest possible way. I too am overweight and have been told my cholesterol is through the roof and I have to loose weight. I am a dress size 20. I have joined SW but am struggling because I have very little money and what money I earn has to go on feeding my family and it's cheaper to but the food already in a packet as opposed to making it myself. I am trying but sometimes dieting is hard. You are changing the habit of a life time and people butting and making comments only set me back and irritate me! Imagine if you were forced to give up smoking, it would be weird wouldn't it? They say giving up smoking is as hard as giving up heroin.
If your mum is struggling she probably does know what is wrong with her situation and is probably trying to work around it. I know you are scared for her but in all honesty I have been told by my GP that you have to be seriously morbidly obese to have weight related problems and apparently things like diabetes etc are rarely caused by being overweight contrary to what they tell us.

As your mum has an underactive thyroid that certainly isn't helping her weight loss and I imagine she is very tired all of the time so exercising is the last thing on her mind.

Give her time. She will sort it out herself.

iheartginashoes Tue 30-Jun-09 16:44:33

Money isnt an issue for her, far from it. She enjoys the nice things in lfe. But you are right, I know that whilst she is in denile, deep down inside she knows that she has a problem and that iit needs to be fixed. And pushing her is probably going to make it worsse and make her comfort eat even more. sad

FabBakerGirlIsBack Tue 30-Jun-09 16:50:49

Could you offer to help her with healthy eating - not a diet - if she helps you stop smoking?

iheartginashoes Tue 30-Jun-09 16:54:55

The thing is I dont want to give up smoking, because I know if I do I'll put on weight, and I have a wedding dress to fit into.blush Thats a shit excuse isnt it?

Plus we live 200 miles away from each other so I wouldnt know if she was sticking to it or not.

TwoSunnyDays Tue 30-Jun-09 17:08:19

Try helping her with her happyness. Get her into new hobbies, bit of gardening, magazine subscription (Tesco points), cooking, National Trust, photography. Anything to gently get her mooving as well as make her happy.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Tue 30-Jun-09 17:09:42

yes, it is

tiktok Tue 30-Jun-09 17:18:09

iheartginashoes, I have observed this in a colleague (successful massive weight loss followed by all the weight going on again, and more). Rebound weight gain is really, really common. It's so sad.

Weight Watchers are used to people going back again; she may be feeling too embarrassed and shy to return, but honestly, WW make most of their money from repeat customers!

iheartginashoes Tue 30-Jun-09 17:22:31

Her reason for leaving was that she thought could do it better than them. Also she wasnt very popular in the class as she kept getting slimmer of the week. I tried to explain that she wasnt there to make friends, but it still put her off.

TwoSunnyDays Tue 30-Jun-09 20:29:26

Could she try a different class or perhaps do it online? Maybe encorage her to maintain her weight rather than loose it?

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