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So, I ended it, what now?

(2 Posts)
yyyy Mon 29-Jun-09 19:43:39

I have been very close to a man at work. We're both married more than 20 years, it all started as friends, never meant it to become anything more....same old same old.

Anyway, although we've never had sex, for 18 months we have essentially been having an affair (hard to admit, even to myself). We are/have been "in love" take every opportunity to be together and cherish that time. I am reasonably certain he's never done anything like it before, and I haven't come anywhere close.

Last weekend, it suddenly dawned on me that I was risking everything (don't know why that didn't happen sooner), that we would never be together, that lots of people would be deeply hurt and that I couldn't spend every special occasion doing lovely things with DH and our family, whilst wishing I was with someone else, so I told colleague it all had to stop. If it was just about me, I may have tried to start a new life with this man, but it's not, so I won't. Nothing wrong with DH, except that he's not him. He's a good father and he's father to my DCs which makes him very important to me and I do love him, although things not so good recently, obviously.

OM has taken it very badly, says he can't just stop loving me, doesn't remember feeling like this ever, even as a teenager. No meldramatics, just deep deep sadness.

I am coping OK. Very upset to have caused such hurt, but relieved in a way that it's all over and I can get on with the important business of protecting/rebuilding my marriage and family. DH was not completely blameless in the circumstances that lead to this relationship (which he doesn't know about) and we have had a long talk and are both working hard at (and enjoying) putting things back together.

Whilst my priorities are very much with DH, is there anything I can do for my friend? He doesn't want to try at home - feels he's just a meal ticket etc. I feel so bad for him, but there's no way I can give hime what he wants.

yyyy Mon 29-Jun-09 20:58:12


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