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I feel so sad knowing my dad won't live to be an old man

(8 Posts)
Maveta Mon 29-Jun-09 12:38:26

Ok no one really knows for sure but it seems very unlikely. He had cancer when he was in his early 40s and it's been downhill since then (he is in his mid 50s). He has so many problems and is in and out of hospital.

He had a pretty serious incident recently and I think we generally take cues from my mum, and her attitude seems to have undergone a bit of a seachange i.e. putting long term plans aside, trying to just spend time together etc.

He loves his grandkids so much and I wish so much he could be there for them when they are older, so they can remember him.

I feel like what he used to be like is so long ago now, he's been sick for so long. And I think we've all always just felt he was getting better. You know, if he gets more exercise and changes his diet, if he just gets back to work, if he just recovers from this op he'll be fine.

And he won't. And hopefully we'll have a few more years with him, we've already had 15 more than we thought we'd have all that time ago. But it's not enough.

Frasersmum123 Mon 29-Jun-09 14:26:36

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad, it must be so hard for you so I didnt want to read and run. I know it sounds stupid, but the best thing to do is try and make some real memories for them all, and to enjoy the time you have.

OrmIrian Mon 29-Jun-09 14:28:43

So sorry maveta sad. Easier said than done I know but try to make the very best of what time you have.

BottySpottom Mon 29-Jun-09 18:43:45

That's very sad. Are you able to talk to your Mum about it?

sarah293 Mon 29-Jun-09 18:46:01

Message withdrawn

linserella Mon 29-Jun-09 19:03:26

I'm so sorry to read this and wanted to respond. We only have one dad it's always going to be hard to come to terms with them no longer being there. I lost my dad 5 years ago, he was 65 - not a bad "innings" but it was as a result of injuries sustained in a car crash (which happened the other side of the world), he died 3 weeks later. It was a shock as I'd convinced myself he'd pull through despite his injuries. I really feel for you, I can only imagine how hard it must be for all of you to see him becoming more ill.

I only mention my own experience because it was sudden, there was no time to make the most of time and experiences but you have this opportunity to grab each day and each moment, as the other posters have said and as Frasersmum123 put it so perfectly - make memories for them all :-) Your dad wouldn't want it any other way.

Maveta Mon 29-Jun-09 19:55:57

Thanks.. I know, you are all right of course and I do think that in a way we´re just more aware of the axe hanging and waiting to fall. Of course it´s there for all of us and so many people get taken without any warning, which is so hard for those they leave behind. So really we have just had a heads up to make the most of it etc. but it still sucks that he might not be an old grandad.

LoveBeingAMummy Mon 29-Jun-09 20:36:38

I'm so sorry. I do understand to some degree as my dad was told he would not survive his cancer which I was told a few months after, it seems we may be lucky though as his treatment as gone from proglonging his life to fingers crossed saving it. I still can't relax from that constant fear, the fear of the phone ringing to tell me he's gone. Not being able to talk to him about it as not to upset him. Not feling like I can be 'normal' any mmore. I now firmly belive it is far better not to kow as this is so painful and drawn out. If you want to talk let me know, (I know i didn't as it made it real) x

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